Burp Kablooey

Burp Kablooey is the hottest new game for the ten and unders. Invented by a three-year-old, it definitely knows its intended audience. 

To play Burp Kablooey, you will need:

• One balloon per kablooey team
• One kablooey rag per kablooey team. A kablooey rag is any rag you have laying around your house. 
• A kablooey court. This is basically any area with room to move around in. A backyard, family room, gymnasium, or park will all work.

A kablooey team consists of two people, the burper and the kablooey-er. 

How to play:

The burper uses his/her feet to kick the balloon in the air. When they have successfully kicked the balloon with their feet, they call out, "Burp!"

The kablooeyer then tries to hit the balloon with the kablooey rag. If they are successful, they call out, "Kablooey!"

The burper may be standing, sitting, or laying down. They may lay on a couch or the ground. The kablooey rag may be damp or dry, but if you use a wet rag, be aware that when the kablooeyer hits the balloon, a very wet kablooey rag will spray water droplets everywhere.

Scoring:
The point is not to score, the point is to say "burp" and "kablooey". If you want to keep score you can, but it is not an essential part of the game.

A standard game of Burp Kablooey is played as doubles, with a burper and a kablooeyer, but you may also play singles Burp Kablooey. 

Multiple Burp Kablooey teams may occupy the same kablooey court at the same time; however, this could result in increased occurences of injury. 

And that is how you play Burp Kablooey, the hottest new game out there.

In the beginning

 Remember the good old days of nine months ago? You know, back when we were finding out about COVID, and we all went into lockdown or quarantine or whatever? And everyone was like, "Three weeks, guys." And Disney was putting out recipes for theme park food, and coloring pages, and whatever hotel it was shared its chocolate chip cookie recipe, and didn't some streaming company make shows available or something? Zoom was just graciously extending their free account time limit. And businesses were all, "We're all in this together, we're going to get through it." Yeah, those days. Remember them?

As weird as it is, I kind of miss those early pandemic days. I mean, it was all the chaos and confusion and uncertainty and a lot of the inside of our homes, but with coloring pages and delightful recipes. Now it's just the chaos and confusion and uncertainty and a lot of the inside of our homes.

In the end, I think it's probably a good thing. I think it means we have adapted to the situation. But, maybe once in a while, just on occasion, someone somewhere could send out a little bonus. Anyone?

And that's how it goes

Today I made the mistake of transferring gigabytes of files from one drive to another drive via a VPN. Which took approximately 4 and a half hours? And would have been fine, except for the fact that while they were transferring, file explorer was basically bogged down and not letting me do anything. And all of my work required accessing files through file explorer. As you can imagine, it made productivity not great. And last week, I was trying to access large files through a VPN, which was taking a couple to a few minutes to load each image, and I couldn't do my work without looking at the files. So, another not productive stretch.

Mostly, working from home has been good, and I really can't complain, because I'm working. And many people are not. But it is incredibly frustrating to not be able to do work while working, and to feel like I haven't put in my hours so I need to keep working until midnight to do a decent day's work. And I did find one or two things to try and work on, it just wasn't my best day.

But the files are transferred, and tomorrow is another day that will hopefully not involve moving large files across drives via VPN and things should go better. Fingers crossed. And may we all be dealing with such routine frustrations sooner than later.

Icebreakers

I have this quirk where I like to come up with fun, random, icebreakers or conversation disrupters, depending on the situation. It is always good to be prepared with questions that can get a bad conversation back on track. So far, here's my list, but I'm always looking for more:

• Which would be a better president, a cat or a dog? (can change up the animals)
• Which state would you vote out the Union if there were a "US States: Survivor"? (Admittedly I didn't come up with this one, but it's a good question)
• If you were asked to name a city, what would you name it? (could be a city or a street)
• Which vegetables match up with which high school stereotypical clique? 
• If you could create a holiday, what would it be, and how would you celebrate?
• If you could travel the world following some theme or system, what would it be? (Mine would be places with fun names to say, all the hells on earth, or places that aren't the place--like Paris, Texas)
• If this [fill in the blank here] was a book title, what would the plot be? (could also be a movie, etc.)

I admit that right now, it isn't a long list, but it is a very reusable list. And I'll come up with more. So if you are bored and need some fun, here you go.

Old things

 I was laying in bed last night*, thinking about my alarm clock. Which sounds normal, but I was thinking about it for reasons different than the usual "must it really go off in the morning?" Instead, I was thinking about the fact that I've had my alarm clock since junior high-ish. That's a long time. That's more than half my life. (And yes, I did think about the fact that I've had the same clock for 20+ years, but I've had about 6 cell phones in the last 13 or so years. In terms of alarm clocks, the actual thing way outlasts the cell phone version). 

Then I got to thinking about other things I have that I've had for a long time. Not journals or baby photo albums, because, obviously. But other things. I have a skirt that is still in great shape that I've had since at least college. The only reason I don't wear it is because I need to replace the elastic, which is easy enough. 

I have a cross-country shirt from my freshman year of high school. Still love that shirt. It's a big large, so I don't wear it often, but it's super comfy. (Also a very bold yellow-orange).

I have multiple gifts from my high school bestie: a teddy bear, the game Cootie, and an elephant pillow.

I have jewelry from my church's youth program, so I have had some of it since I was twelve. I don't wear it, mostly because it's gold and my preferred jewelry material is silver. And a few other knick-knacks from that 12-18-year-old Church youth period. 

I have 19-year-old magnetic sand (it is sand with a lot of iron in it, and the iron is magnetic) that I brought back from the Dominican Republic. Pre-9/11, but I still don't know how I got in the country with it. 

There is my copy of Don Quixote, in the original Spanish, that I purchased for one of my classes in college. It is massive, and a bit of a trophy. I read the whole thing. In 17th century Spanish.**

I have a shell necklace that my memory legend tells me is from my grandpa. I don't remember getting it, I've had it that long. I must have been really young. 

There's a Christmas ornament, a Santa Claus made of straw, that I got when I was about 5. There was a couple who ran a ceramics shop in my congregation, and we got ornaments from them (I think we painted them ourselves), but mine broke, and I think they gave me the straw Santa as a replacement. I still have that. 

I think that the oldest thing I own is a doll I got for Christmas, when I was about three. The doll is at my parents' house, which means the grandkids can play with her. I get a kick out of telling them just how old that little doll*** is. There are a couple of other dolls that survived my childhood, as well. One my grandma made me, one that I got for Christmas that was pretty posh--she had eyes that closed!

I have a quilt that my mom made when I was very young. She made them for me and my sisters. I got the blue one, and mine is trashed. Still in one piece, but pretty worn out. But I still have it. And a comforter I got for Christmas, and a quilt I made as a teenager.

I still have most of my first (and only) set of dishes, from when I started college. I had to replace two bowls, is all. I do find that pretty impressive. 

Oddly, I don't think I have any books from my youth. I remember the books I read, but I seem to have redistributed them over my lifetime. Same with games. There is a goldfish game that I got for my birthday that is still at my parents' house. But no others. At one point, I had a Pound Puppy game, but I have no idea what happened to that. My folks might still have my Fisher-Price dollhouse but most of my books and toys just disappeared into the blackhole of time. Which is fine. Can you imagine if you had to keep everything you ever owned ever? What a nightmare!

Anyway, not sure that there's really a point to this, it was just interesting to think about the things that have been a long-term part of my life. There doesn't seem to be any real rhyme or reason to it. Some of them don't even have any real stories beyond what I put here. It's just interesting to think about. Also, I think it might mean I'm getting old, but whatever. I've earned it. 

*or was it this morning? Time is very disorienting these days. 

**and bless the professor who made sure I understood what I read. 

***Her name is Alison. She was made by Fisher-Price. Although, the interwebs say her name is supposed to be Bobbie. Ha, what do they know?

The upsides of masks

You can finally be the masked superhero you always wanted to be as a kid

With a mask and sunglasses, no one will ever see your face--you can go incognito!

Also, you don't have to worry about what your face looks like under the mask

Face warmer in cold weather

You can develop all sorts of fun communication games with just a little creativity

A really good excuse to use the stairs--now you don't look lazy, you just look practical, because no one wants to be panting into their mask after a flight of stairs

Finally, you can be a seamstress/seamster (Sewing a dress? Yikes. Sew a mask? Totally)

You can wear adorable and fun patterns on your mask that you could never wear otherwise

It could double as a name tag 

Just one more social cue introverts can use to signal they want to be left alone

Murder mystery bingo

Plot lines that tend to show up in basically every murder mystery TV series ever. Give it long enough, and there's a decent chance that you will eventually see:

the fashion show/model one

the chef/restaurant one

the dead/not dead/now dead for realsies one

the zoo one

the alien/UFO one

the "investigators pose as a married couple" one

the multiple personalities one

the hypnotism one

the psychic one

the "one of us did it" one (there are 2 versions. One where it is a police officer, but not a main character, and they did do it; the other is one of the main characters is framed, but didn't do it)

the famous actor one

the athletic one

the circus/funhouse/fair one

the wedding one

the magician one

the play (as in actors on a stage) one

the music band one

the poker one

the cult/commune one

and more...

Because, apparently weddings, zoos, restaurants, bands, film sets, etc. are great places for murder.

That's about right

I just saw a headline that read "Michigan farm ordered to stop making apple cider due to insanitary conditions." And I think that insanitary should be a new word. Definition: pushing a person to go insane, either temporarily or permanently". As in, "2020 has been a very insanitary year." 

This needs to be a thing. 

Special thanks to whoever missed or ignored spellcheck on their computer, resulting in this wonderful new word that so aptly describes our world right now. Sometimes, you should be brave and ignore what the computers tell you.

Question of the Day

Why is voting so hard?

I spent most evenings last week filling out my ballot and I still am not done! There is the president, the governor, congressional seats, state legislature seats, other state government offices, county government, city government, judges, and 7 state constitutional amendments!!! That is SO much stuff!

And everything has to be investigated. Are any of the 3rd party candidates for president a good option? How about the governor's race? I literally went through a side by side comparison and their websites and gave them points if I agreed with them on the issues. At the end, it was a tie. Then another race, absolutely none of the candidates are great options. What is an assessor? How do I know what the most pressing issues are in the assessor's office are? Can I just evaluate them like I would if I were hiring a candidate for a job? And how do I know if a judge should be retained or not? They all get reviewed, and none of them have less than a B- review. So, they all pass, right?  

The constitutional amendments are actually the easiest ones to decide because there is a nice little website where they have put up the pros, the cons, the rebuttal for the pros, and the rebuttal for the cons. It's a bit of reading, but at least all the info I need is right there in one place. And not angry yelling. 

Either way, none of my past education really prepared me for how hard voting is. How important? Yes. How it works in the US, with the electoral college, blah blah, blah? Yep, we did that. But how much work it is to vote? Nope. They didn't cover that. But maybe it's better to not know that voting is essentially the GRE* of citizenship.

The good news, though, is that if you vote, you can't fail! You have done your part for democracy! Assignment completed, you pass! So, yay for voting. Give it a try! And when you are done, treat yourself to some ice cream, because you will definitely deserve it!

*Or LSAT, MSAT, etc.

A real conversation

I really honestly just had this conversation by chat:

Me: This just in--there's a big hairy poisonous caterpillar in Virginia. And it is really hairy. Like, it looks like a wig. Why is this a thing someone thought needed to be created?

​Friend: It's 2020...

​

Me: Right? Just add it to the list. 

(1 liked)

Honestly, I didn't know wig-caterpillars might be part of the apocalypse. There's no way I would have signed off on it if I had known. 

(laugh)

​

Friend: Next they'll be warning us about a giant dolphin with rabies! Society is ruining everything good!

​

Me: Seriously! I disapprove. 

(1 liked)

Although the, "Predict the next weird thing to happen in 2020" office pool does sound fun.

(laugh)

​

Friend: I would recommend starting that pool, but I'm afraid of giving the devil ideas.

​

Me: That is a very important point. I probably would have barged ahead and unleashed the new and improved 10 plagues on the world! 

(laugh)

So, friends. Don't start that pool. We can't risk it. 

(Thank you to KS for making this conversation so delightful).

Too much

Do you know what there has been too much of during this pandemic? I mean, besides the pandemic and unemployment and economic havoc, and conspiracy theories and people being mad at each other, and dying and loss and fear and uncertainty and all of that. You know, besides the actually important things. No clue? Well, it's me.

There is too much of me, specifically in virtual meetings. And not too much of me talking. Just too much of me on camera. Initially, I wasn't using my camera but I realized that it was creating a detachment that wasn't helpful. So I've been turning it on the last couple of months. Taking one for the team, sure, but definitely not doing myself any favors. I've become self-conscious about certain physical characteristics that I always knew existed, but not seeing them constantly thrown in my face, didn't bother me.* But, now I see myself on camera half the days of the week and it is hard not to be aware of the gap between my teeth or how sometimes my nose looks huge and sometimes my neck seems too short. Or that I have a big old zit or whatever on my face that makeup just isn't hiding. 

The beautiful thing about how we are designed is that we can't see how we look when we are talking or doing anything. It's a gift, a merciful beautiful gift. And whoever designed Zoom and Skype and Google meet or whatever and every other virtual meeting app has gone and done the thing that nature was smart enough NOT to do: given us a perpetual mirror. Why? Why would you do that? What narcissistic sadist thought that would be a favor to the world? 

And yes, I can turn off my camera, but then I am basically not a part of the group. That's just how it is, guys. It happens in family meetings and in group meetings. When it's a question of a person who is on video and a letter representing a person on the call, the letter loses, big time. It's just the reality. Part of it is just how our brains work, and I think part of it is there is a subtle message that you don't want to be more than a fly on the wall (which sometimes is the best way to get through a meeting, I admit). So, it's a choice--be all in, or avoid seeing myself.

I just don't understand why there isn't an option for my camera to be on and everyone else to see me without me seeing me. We've sent people to the moon. We're shooting for Mars. We carry around miniature computers in our pockets. Why can we not have a one-way online camera? Come on people! Work with me here!

Anyway, I know that given the scale of problems in the world, this isn't really even in the top thousand, but in terms of fixable, it certainly makes the top 500 at least, right? And, since we aren't all qualified to cure COVID, those of us who can might as well fix this problem. 

Please. Save me from myself. 

*I'm pretty sure they don't bother anyone else, I'd be surprised if they spent that much time thinking about me. Most people don't.

The Internet Doesn't Know Where I am

Way back in July, my internet suddenly got very confused as to where exactly I am. I was searching for plane tickets (I know, you doth think me mad for flying during the pandemic, but needs must or whatever. I don't regret it) and Google kept popping up flights from an airport 4 hours away from me. Which was weird, because Google always seemed to be WAY to in the know about where I was prior to that. 

And then, I was using a website to find some service opportunities in my area* and it kept putting me in a town about an hour and a half north. 

Now, I sometimes end up 30 minutes north, or 10 minutes north, or 5 blocks north and west. But the internet can't seem to figure out where exactly I am. 

Which is mildly inconvenient at worst. I mean, it does get a little old to have to constantly tell Google maps that it's lost so that I can get accurate directions somewhere. But at the same time, it's kind of awesome. The internet can't find me. Somehow, this seems like a good thing, given how much the internet seems to have on me (don't know how. My biggest use of social media is a blog, people. That's so last decade!). And, since I have no idea how to fix this problem, I think I'm just going to run with it and enjoy watching the internet be lost.  

*justserve.org, if you are looking. 

This post brought to you by:*

Fridays. The best day. Let's make more of them.

Car shopping. Definitely would have been a circle in Dante's inferno if they'd had cars back then.

Ratings. They're overrated. 

First world problems. Such a privilege!

Love. So much easier than hate--let's all be lazy!

Panda bears playing in the snow. Pure joy.

Face masks in the summer. Your face sweats just as much with them, but now you have a sweat catcher!

Big people words. Pretty useful.

Zoom. Sometimes seems like a misnomer when you're in a meeting.

Pugtato. Not a potato dog fish**. But very cute. And friends with Croccoli. 

Getting old. A thing everyone tells me not to do without telling me how not to do it.

Stuff. Usually more fun with someone else.

Penguins in art museums. Because it's 2020, and that's a thing now!

2020. Worst prank ever.

*This idea was basically taken from "Dear Hank and John", a podcast where two brothers give you dubious advice and all the news from Mars and AFC Wimbledon. They always do fake sponsorships, which crack me up, so I thought I'd give it a whirl. 

**Dog face puffer fish. Google it. The one I saw when I had my appendix out was the exact color (and shape) of an Idaho potato with blue and yellow fins. Thus, potato dog fish.

A little bit of floral sunshine

 

First world problem

I have this problem. There are too many books to read and I don't have time to read them all. 

Admittedly, this is a brilliant problem to have. Have you considered all the problems you could have in your life? Famine, poverty, abuse, war, discrimination, illiteracy, disability, or a billion other massive and actual real problems. 

Also, given that the purpose of life is not actually to just read everything you can so you know a ton*, it's hard to even classify it as a problem. Maybe a minor inconvenience at best? 

And there are actually some real benefits that come from my little challenge. For example, I have to seriously consider how I am using the resources available to me--time, money, emotion**. Which means I'm becoming a wiser steward of said resources. Theoretically. I'll be honest, it's still a bit embarrassing to see how many unread books I have on my Kindle. And in hard copy. And then I keep acquiring more. And compared to my colleagues (I work in an archive. With a lot of book lovers--librarians and archivists trend towards being bookish), I'm not even bad at all! I can walk out of a bookstore without having purchased anything. I can purge my books. But there are still so many!

So, everyone, could you help me out and make the world a little less interesting so people don't write so many books? It would really help me out. Thanks.

*No. That is not the purpose of life. It is a perk. It is something I personally find very enjoyable. But what does it matter in and of itself? The purpose of life is people--to love our neighbor, to care about each other, to improve the human experience for everyone. Trumped only by loving God, but for the non-religious among us, I think it's not too much to ask that we agree that the purpose of life is people.

**Remember when I mentioned that I needed to stop reading history? Yeah. Reading is an emotional pursuit, not just an intellectual one. 

Never Have I Ever: Part II

 Here are the things that won't get me out. Never have I ever:

• been skiing on snow
• watched the Oscars (love the red carpet pictures, but I have never watched the show)
• watched an episode of the Simpsons (or needed to, for that matter)
• broken a bone
• dyed my hair
• owned a minivan
• done Sudoku
• made a birdhouse
• been to NYC
• purchased a brand new vehicle
• had an alcoholic beverage
• run a marathon (or wanted to!)
• owned a washer and dryer (to my chagrin)
• played poker
• played real golf
• been on a cruise
• had my wisdom teeth out
• owned the 64 count box of Crayola crayons (I always wanted them)
• watched the Super Bowl
• worked a custodial job
• eaten haggis
• had a middle name
• cooked a turkey
• flown first class
• owned a real Care Bear or Cabbage Patch doll (I had siblings who had one, but not me. Which is fine. I can't say I feel deprived at all)
• written a thesis. Or dissertation
• ridden on one of those electric scooters (Lime, Bird, whatever they all are)
• taken a taxi in the US (I have in the Dominican Republic, though)
• seen Star Wars: The Rise of  Skywalker
• seen a real panda bear (which makes me sad)
• played Scrabble

Dear September

Dear September, 

Before we officially welcome you to 2020, I thought maybe I'd give you a heads up on what exactly you are walking into. In case you've missed the headlines.

2020 has been a year. And then some. And there's still more of it to come. We've had pandemics, and there have been protests, and all sorts of political shenanigans (with more to come in November, so don't feel like you need to cover that). There have been fires and hurricanes and earthquakes and killer bees and locust infestations and the plague and I don't even know what else. Basically, January through August have covered the gloom and doom stuff.

What hasn't been covered is plain old, everyday normalcy. Run of the mill, "nothing to see here"-ness. So, my advice to you is, if you really want to make an impression on the world this year? Keep it simple. Give us some nice weather (minus any disasters). Maybe throw in a patch of world peace somewhere if you really want to get extravagant--Syria wouldn't mind, neither would Yemen. Want to be really memorable? Maybe magically make money appear in everyone's bank account. I'm sure there are some leprechauns who'd be happy to help with that. Or add an hour to every night so we can all rest up, if you are more into subtlety. 

Whatever you do, don't feel like you have to one up the months we've had so far. I promise, you can show up and do absolutely nothing and you will get the gold medal for best month of 2020. 

Anyway, just some friendly advice on how you can win some like points. Now, go out there and win us over. 

Harry Potter would be a very different series if I was the main character

 A few weeks ago, I read a book where adult characters were doing magical mischief and causing problems, and the 12-year old heroine, despite being encouraged to leave it to the adults, didn't have any confidence in the adults and of course solved all the problems on her own.

A few days later, I watched a few episodes of the show Holly Hobby, because Holly Hobby was totally a thing from my childhood. We had a Holly Hobby record player--that's how classic I am.* So, yeah, let's watch the TV show! 

For the record, the TV show is not the Holly Hobby of my youth. Which is fine--they've modernized Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, Legos, and dozens of other things, and kept them alive for the younger generation so we can share that connection. And it's a great family show. But here's my thing. Why on earth is a 13-year old in charge of the town's open mic night, including catering, scheduling performers, etc.? Basically, this 13-year old is running the town, because the adults are incompetent, I guess? 

I'm not sure if this is just a "let's empower young girls" thing--which if it is, it's a fail for me. I can't relate to that at all, and I'm too tired to even want to be the 13-year old running the town. 

Maybe it's just a storytelling device, though. I mean, take Harry Potter. If the hero in that book was based on me, as soon as I found out that there was a troll in the building and a girl was in the bathroom where the troll was likely to be, I would have told a teacher and gotten out of there. That is the whole point of adults--they have to deal with the hard problems. A prisoner who broke out of wizard jail and is lurking around the school? I definitely wouldn't be searching him out.** Which would make for a very boring (and probably much shorter) series. Who would want to read the series about the girl who lived a normal life and didn't save the world because she was just a kid?

Well, me, maybe. It would be nice to see myself represented in literature. Thank goodness for Beverly Cleary's Ramona series, Lois Lowry's Anastasia Krupnik, and all the other ordinary characters out there!***

*I think it was actually my sister's record player. But, it's been a few decades, so now it can be claimed by "we". 

**Basically, I am one of the hundreds of other students who don't even get a name in the Harry Potter series because they are doing what normal kids do, which is leaving adult problems to the adults. Which is why Harry is the chosen one, and not me. 

***I would still love to see a book where there is magical mischief and mayhem and the main character is just like, "Not my problem. I'm a kid." And they keep coming to the main character, and they just keep saying, "For reals? What don't you get about this? I'm twelve! Seriously! What can I do that you can't?" It could be hilarious.

Never have I ever

 Things that will get me out in a game of "Never Have I Ever":

• been on an island with an active volcano (Tanna, Vanuatu)
• won an award for writing
• read The Lord of the Rings (and/or The Hobbit)/read either of them in another language(Spanish if you need to be specific)
• seen the Sydney Opera House in person
• celebrated Australia Day (no, it was not in conjunction with seeing the Opera House)
• stolen a truck (it was an act of, guys)
• lived in another country (4 months in the Dominican Republic)
• been able to read and walk
• eaten cake for breakfast
• owned a Nerf Gun (I currently own three)
• played a musical instrument (or 2 or 3 or 4)
• driven a stick-shift
• seen all five of the Great Lakes
• had waffles with ice cream 
• had a photograph published* (at least 5 times, never once with a credit. Although, my good friends did credit me with all the photos they used on their blog.)
• met a famous actor (SAA 2017, Portland, 3 cast members of The Librarians)
• had lost luggage when I traveled (Vanuatu. It was found, though)
• decapitated a chicken (technically, I didn't do the decapitation, I just held the feet. But I did help de-feather them afterwards)
• been to the National Archives in Washington D.C. 
• flown in a 12-seater plane (Yes, that was in Vanuatu. We had to get to the volcano island.)
• taken calculus (sadly, I couldn't do it now. But I really liked calculus)
• had a water fight in the bathroom (cleaning checks, freshman year of college. Good times)
• made a cassette tape recording (you're SO young)
• played Ticket to Ride [could add Asia, Africa, Europe, if needed](what is wrong with you?! Let's fix this!) [Could also swap out Ticket to Ride for a bunch of other games, which I won't list here because there are seriously too many]
• read L.M. Montgomery or Jane Austen (men--this is a great way to get the ladies out)
• had surgery (appendix--hilarious story. Also, gum grafts, which has another kind of hilarious story, although it is a bit gruesome)
• experienced an earthquake (if you need to be more specific, experienced an earthquake during a pandemic)
• gone horseback riding (a couple of different times)
• participated in an organized sport (it was cross country, one year)
• caught a frog (in my apartment. Twice. Nowhere near as bad as the bats, though)

*published here does not include you and/or friends and family putting it on social media

Fashion forward?

 This week I wore dress pants for the first time in 4-ish months. For a meeting. With another person, in the same room, at work. All very remarkable.

Anyway, I've been thinking about this clothes thing a lot, because I have a closet full of work clothes (business dress--tops, pants) and dresses that I'm not wearing at all. I don't go into work, I don't go to church, so I don't need to wear them. And shoes. I have basically 2 pairs I've worn in the last 4 months, because why wear shoes if you don't leave the house? Even when I do laundry or something, I go barefoot, because the grass is nice and lovely.

But it's not just not wearing the dress clothes. It's the fact that I have a wardrobe of dress pants, and then I have tops to go with them, but I have winter tops (long sleeves) and summer tops (short sleeves). And same for casual wear. There are jeans and long sleeves for winter, shorts and short sleeves for summer. And pajamas--winter pajamas, summer pajamas. On top of that, the laundromat at my place gives you 4 options for washing clothes: gentle/cold, normal/warm, permanent press/warm, and something or other on hot. I can't choose the size, so I'm using the same amount of water no matter what, so I try to have enough clothing to make the best use of the machines every time I do laundry. Partly to make it worth the money I'm spending and partly to be environmentally friendly, both of which seem like worthy causes. 

But, honestly. That is SO MUCH CLOTHING. It's madness! Back in the day, people owned what, 3-4 outfits? Maybe? I'm not saying I want to live back in the day, because they also didn't have a washing machine, but why do we have to have so many clothes? I feel overwhelmed by it. And guilty. And fed up, especially when I realize that I'm wearing maybe 1/4 of the clothes I own. Some of it is a geographical thing, obviously, because I live in a place where there are 4 seasons. But do I really need to own that much clothing? It's crazy! Another part of it is my place of employment. I used to be able to dress more casual, so a pair of jeans and a dressier shirt, which definitely kept the number of pants I needed down. I can probably also get rid of a few pairs of pants without hurting my laundry budget or the environment too much, too. And maybe tops. But I don't know for sure, because things aren't normal right now, so I don't know what I'd be wearing if I were going into the office like the world used to do. 

Either way, it's a lot of clothes. Excessive, I dare say. I'm not saying let's go back to 3-4 outfits total. But I do think I, and maybe all of us, could get by on fewer clothes. And shoes. And maybe not worry about what other people think of us when we wear the same things more than once in 2 weeks. And hopefully that won't put people in Bangladesh out of work. 

Aargh! Sometimes, the 21st century is way too complicated. 

The minisculest silver lining

I am not at all saying that this makes our current pandemic worth it at all, but I do want to say that there is a teeny, tiny silver lining for me. As a result of the pandemic and the subsequent coin shortage*, my apartment complex's laundromat has finally moved to an electronic payment system! [Insert jumping up and down for joy, cheering, and applause.] 

No more having to count corners! No more stopping by the bank on my lunch break for laundry money! And for the current moment, no having to figure out how to get quarters from the bank. YAY!!!

So, I know it doesn't even come close to making up for all the misery of this stupid pandemic. It's a drop in the ocean. But it's a definite improvement. 

*How is that a thing? No one has yet been able to explain it satisfactorily. 

Dear Brain

Dear Brain,

I am about to embark on that great endeavor known as sleep. Lately, dear Brain, you have kind of forgotten how this works. What is supposed to happen is you are supposed to turn off, or at the very least go do your own thing without me knowing what that is, except for the occasional odd dream. Which, speaking of, can we not do the "I'm back in school, sometimes high school, sometimes college, whatever, and I haven't gone to any of my classes for a semester and I don't even know what my classes are and then I realize that I have a master's degree and why do I even care about passing one more course? I don't need it!" dream anymore? Surely there is something more interesting we could conjure up?

Anyway, back to the whole sleeping thing. You've really been letting me down lately. You've got WAY too much going on when you are supposed to be letting it go for a few hours. You don't need to be such an overachiever. We don't aim for that in any other part of our life, so why on earth would you pick sleep to try it out on? 

So, as we try this again tonight, I'm counting on you to do your part and relax. I know you can do it. 

Yours, 

Elise

Virtual life

In a lot of ways, I think I have adjusted a little too much to isolation. I live alone, it's just me, in my house, all the time. I mosey out occasionally* and see other people, but there's not a lot of chatter. And mostly, I'm fine. But there are definitely things I am missing in world where most interaction is virtual.

I miss hearing voices. A friend and I have a running chat going on, which is great and definitely helps with the sanity and the socializing. But I miss voices. Sometimes, I want to conference call her, just to hear the words instead of see them. I love reading, but I don't want my whole existence to be written. 

I miss playing with kids. Mostly my nieces and nephews, really. We do pretty regular Zoom calls, but I only know how to make so many weird faces, and I'm out of ideas on how else to goof off with them. I think next time, I will try a rousing game of "what if" (it has stupendous results with kids of a certain age. And some adults, like me, obviously). And we did have a rousing sing-along yesterday, with some great verses of Down by the Bay. But it's not the same as being able to hug them and high-five them and dance around with them. 

I'm finding that my social awkwardness is starting to show up in my virtual world. Anyone else finding it awkward to end a conversation? I've had so many chats with coworkers where I just feel like I'm supposed to reply back, but good grief, at some point, the chat has to end! And ending meetings? Just awkward, no matter what.

Speaking of meetings, there has been a very definite shift over time. At first, there was relief and joy to be interacting with other human beings, those outside of our quarantine circle. We were chatty, we joked, we were engaged. There has been a steady decline over the last four months. Half the time, the host has to check and make sure people are still there. I think our team spirit might be hibernating. People just have nothing to say, and I have been the host, so I sympathize deeply. But even I can't muster up the energy to join the conversation all the time.

The virtual world is less than ideal, it's definitely not what the tech companies have been cracking it up to be. And now that we've discovered this, I hope we'll remember it for the post-pandemic madness. People just need people. 

*Less now than 4 months ago. Walks are getting boring. And it is too hot.

Have you rebooted?

Dear Universe IT help desk,

I think that the Universe is frozen. I can't get anything to work--I just keep getting COVID, shenanigans, and lunacy. 

I think it's time to try rebooting.

Sincerely,

Elise

PS: I'm a huge fan of penguins. Major props on that one. 

Question of the Day

Q: Are you proud to be an American?

A: A qualified no/I reject the question.

I read that phrase in some news story yesterday and it was kind of jarring. Weirdly, especially these days, I just don't think about being proud to be an American*. I know for a fact that 20 years ago, I would have answered very differently. But these days, my brain finds the whole idea bizarre. 

It's not a political stance or anything. Admittedly, in the past 20 years I have become much more aware of US history, and particularly what our history has meant for various groups of people and countries. I spent Independence Day 2020 finishing a book about Axis and Allied involvement in Latin America during World War II**. The US did not come out looking great. And that is hardly the first (or the last) instance of the US of A getting things very, very wrong. And yes, there is plenty in our history that makes me angry. But, let's be honest. There isn't a country on earth that has a clean history. Welcome to humanity. We mess up. A lot. Yes, I am more ashamed when the US messes up, because we have such high aspirations that when we fail, it's really not great. Also, as an Estadounidense*** I feel more ownership over our wrongdoings, the same way I feel more ownership when I mess up. Hopefully that is true across the board, for all people. 

But guess what? America has also done some really great things! Welcome to humanity! We are amazing! Am I proud of that? Yes! It's great! However, in both cases, it's not a nationality thing. It's a people thing. So, it really isn't because of our history, or even our present.**** 

So what changed in the last twenty years to move me from being proud to being ambivalent? Mostly, I learned a lot more about the world. I saw more of it. I read more about it. I met more of its inhabitants. And I realized that

I guess at the moment, here's where I fall on the issue. I am not proud to be American, I am grateful. When I think of all the places in the world I could have been born, I know how good I have it. And I know that doesn't apply across the board to all Americans--just one more reason not to be proud about it. Nor do I think life would have been horrible if I had been born in Vanuatu, or Belize, or Belgium. It would have been life--with a different set of challenges, no doubt, but with a different set of blessings, as well. But I also could have been born in Syria, or Venezuela, or another place where survival isn't a guarantee at the moment. Or in a place where learning about the world isn't allowed. Or somewhere where getting water is an all-day task. I know how good I have it, and I know that one contributing factor is because I was born in the USA.***** So, no, I'm not proud. I am incredibly grateful, and very humbled. And I hope that I show that gratitude and humility by being a better human being. 

*where at least I know I'm free. And I won't forget the men who died.... Seriously, it just comes naturally.

**the book is called The Tango War and I highly recommend it. 

***Spanish for United Statesian. Ish. 

****Granted there is a lot going on at the moment that doesn't thrill me. But I wasn't overly patriotic before the current mess, so that's definitely not what toned down my enthusiasm.

*****Not all of why I have it so good. Not even the most important reason why I have it so good. But, yes, a reason. 

 

COVID-19 Check-in

Well, well, well. Three months (and a bit) and coronavirus is still with us, even though it seems like it is no longer the bulk of all news coverage or the hot topic. We have had the protests take center stage, and even that seems to be waning. Because it is now normal. Living in a pandemic, living with protesters*, feeling unnerved when we go out and about, panicking when people don't distance from us, being constantly aware of how close we are to other people/whether people are wearing masks, and going days without going outside. Life goes on. And someday, we won't do any of those things, and we will get used to it just as quickly.

Personally, I'm feeling a little bored with it all. Mostly, with the part that makes everything more complicated. I needed to get quarters for laundry and had to go to a bank that was twice as far (which wouldn't be a big deal except I don't have a car). And, since I didn't have a car, I couldn't go through the drive-thru, and since I needed quarters I couldn't use the ATM, so I had to schedule an appointment. Is it a big deal? No. But compared to being able to swing by unannounced to the bank a block away from work? A bit of a hassle. 

Going to the grocery store? Also a pain. The train runs less frequently, which makes travel time twice as long. It's hot. No one is wearing masks in my neck of the woods. And, when you have to carry your groceries home, you can't really stock up for weeks on end, so you have to go to the store just as often. It is definitely time to get a car just so COVID is less of a pain.

The biggest annoyance is not being able to visit family. I wanted to see my nieces and nephews in a play, but my city is behind their city in terms of reopening so I didn't feel like I should go. I want to visit another family before the summer ends, but that doesn't seem likely to happen. So, you can imagine I get a bit frustrated when I see people not being cautious in public when I'm trying to be. I know I'm not perfect. I'm not saying I am. I forget sometimes or get lazy. I get that masks are a pain--they are uncomfortable and hot and sweaty, and you have to wash them frequently, and honestly, I don't want to pay $2 a load just to wash masks, especially when getting quarters is such a pain. I get it. But I'm trying, and it can be really hard when it feels like no one else is. It's like the world's biggest group project. Sigh. 

I'm also burned out from online meetings. And people are getting quieter and quieter in them. Also, I am not looking forward to going back to work. And not because of COVID worries. Socializing can be really challenging, and when I'm not doing it consistently, it gets much harder. So you can imagine that there is a bit of anxiety around being surrounded by people all day when I haven't been for months. It'll be fine, I'm just not excited by it. 

Also, it is summer and it's hot and I haven't slept great lately. So, yes. Bored and grumpy and tired. I need some kids to play with. 

*And note, this does not mean we have stopped caring. We have just adapted to these new developments. 

Memories

Yesterday a friend and I were chatting about stickers, and how she could have her family put stickers on her surgical shoe for her birthday. All of a sudden, out of the blue, I remembered my sticker album from when I was a kid (which, sadly, I don't still have).

I had completely forgotten about sticker collecting. I wasn't an avid collector. I mean, I didn't spend a ton of time or resources searching for new additions, but I did have a little book--well, maybe more of a booklet--where I put all the stickers I got. The pages, which is about all I can remember of the actual book.

Scented stickers were the best. My friend also liked the puff stickers. Which, I can see why, but I had a weird perfectionist streak* when I was a kid--right about the age I might have been collecting stickers--and I might have found the puff stickers problematic for keeping the book from laying flat. I may have had them, though. But I only remember the scented ones.

I haven't thought about that sticker book decades. And once I did think of it, I wished I still had it. What a treasure! That would be a delightful addition to an archival collection! And that's how my friend and I decided to start an archive that only collects materials from children. But, that's another story.

*I got over it at some point. Which may sound like a wonderful thing, but I worry I may have moved too far in the other direction. Sadly.

P.S. I felt so reminiscent I googled sticker albums to see if I could find one that resembled mine. I didn't (in the 10 minutes of searching), but I did see a picture of a scratch and sniff pickle sticker that was familiar and discovered that there is a 1980s sticker album group on Facebook, courtesy of someone else's blog. Ah, memories!

Question of the day

Today's question: If you could spend COVID lockdown anywhere you want, where would it be? Or, if you could make one science fiction/fantasy thing real, what would it be? 

Answer: The TARDIS. Or a TARDIS. Honestly, it would be so amazing. There's a library. And a swimming pool. And sometimes the swimming pool is in the library. It's bigger on the inside. So, it doesn't take up much space, but you could spend months just exploring. And then when you've got it all figured out, you can change it and start all over. It has everything you need. And don't need. And, if you get tired of the view, you can just move it through time and space and see a new one. So, perfect for quarantine (you can still travel!) and perfect for anytime (no TSA checks at the airport, no early check-ins, no delays). You may have to save the universe from baddies, but no biggie. It's perfect! Also, have you seen the console? So many fun buttons and levers and gizmos! It's every child and inner-child's dream come true. And I wish I could have one. 

Small little moment

Yesterday, I had a lie-in, which was lovely. It was just nice to lay in bed, enjoying how comfy it was, not feeling rushed or thinking about getting ready for work or anything like that.

But even better, I got to have a lie-in during a terrific rainstorm. It was a serious storm. Thunder that made you feel like the earth was splitting in two. I'm sure there was amazing lightning, but I didn't check it out--I was laying in bed. And furious rain! Just, wow. Like, a downpour on steroids.

I did have a small moment where I thought about seeing if I could get lightning photos, but 1) my bed was very comfortable, and 2) furious rain. I might as well have thrown my camera in a lake as try to take photos in that rain.

So, I just laid in bed and enjoyed. It was the perfect way to spend a rainy morning. My only very small regret? Not going puddle-hopping after it let up.

The greatest of these is charity

Last night, my community was given a curfew as a result of protests that took place in response to the death of George Floyd. I've had many, many thoughts, naturally. But in the last little bit, I've been thinking about an experience with a nephew of mine.

At the time he was probably around 4. His family and I had been out doing something that day, I don't remember what, and when we got back to the house, there was the usual transition chaos: getting the kids out of the car, getting everything inside, and now we need to move on to dinner or whatever was next on the schedule. 

My little nephew was upset about something, and was crying, and if you've ever been in that situation (lots of kids, lots to do, frazzle everywhere), you know how easy it is to say, "I'm not going to help you until you calm down." And sometimes, that's the right thing to do as we try to teach children how to manage stressful or upsetting situations. But sometimes, it's not the right answer, and that day, it wasn't.

Somehow, that day I managed to get it right. I knelt down and with nothing but pure love for that sad little bow, I asked what was wrong. I don't remember what it was--something with his shoes I think. He couldn't get them off, or he was having a hard time putting them away, I don't know. Maybe something with the laces? It doesn't matter. What he needed was help, to do something he couldn't on his own. He needed someone to listen, to acknowledge that what he was feeling was real, and hard for him, and he needed someone to be on his side and help him fix the problem. And through no genius or skill of my own, I got it right. And I have thanked the powers that be every time I think of that moment that on that day, I got it right and loved a crying little boy instead of all the other things I could have done. 

I don't get it right enough. Not nearly enough. I want to be the person who gets it right more often. I want us to be a society that gets it right more often. It's easy to look at these--or any protesters--and say, "Well, look at your behavior. Look at what you're doing wrong." It's easy to say, "Well, destruction and violence is not the answer, and so I'm not going to listen to you until you calm down." 

But I just keep thinking of that little boy. These people--our people--they are hurting. They have been hurting. And it is to the point that they can't bear it anymore. They can't keep that hurt in. And what they desperately need is us kneeling down and saying, "Cry on my shoulder. Tell me how I can help. I am here with you. I will share your pain and be with you until we fix it." They need us to love them and be with them and to get it right. They don't need a lecture, or anyone saying, "Well, here's what you did wrong." They need us to love them. And if we love them, we will absolutely do what it takes to fix the problem. We will take them by the hand, and stand with them. And when we have their hand in ours, with real love, there won't be empty hands left to throw things and destroy things. 

My heart breaks for all the broken hearts out there in this moment, for whatever reason. I want to get it right. And I hope you will tell me what I can do to help you and what I can do to make things right. 

Really?

I just found out that tomorrow is National Work from Home Day. 

Yeah. I know. Just a little ironic. 

Anyway, wherever you are, stay at home! Skip the office! And help everyone else do the same. It is a holiday, so you might as well.

The Smell of Spring

One nice thing about this spring was the flowers. May smelled amazing! I know this COVID thing has wreaked havoc, but I LOVED going out for walks every day (almost every day) and being able to smell the flowers. I know this happens every spring, but for some reason, I never really noticed them as much as this year. Maybe because I'm normally stuck in a building almost all day long, and only leave to get from point A to point B, and there are normally tons of other people doing the same thing. And lots of cars and stuff, adding to the aroma. Whatever the reason, the smell of spring was amazing this year!

It reminded me of the time I went to Mackinac Island in June. We got off the ferry and you could smell three things: lilacs, fudge, and manure. So, kind of like that, but minus the fudge. But also minus the manure, so on the whole, a win. The fudge would have been nice, but all in all it's better for my health this way. 

Thank you, spring! You really came through for me. 

Best Holiday Ever

Today is World Sleep Day. This is the holiday the world needed right now. This is an observance that deserves a Nobel prize: sleep makes the world more peaceful, in the short and long run. It's a day that is vastly underrated (you'll notice there was no reporting on it. And yet, what a fantastic way to encourage social distancing and staying at home! Missed opportunity, guys) and yet so desperately blessed. I spent my day feeling exhausted. Maybe I was just prepping for tonight? Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed and honored sleep today, and enjoy sleep tonight, and what the heck. Extend your observance into tomorrow. 

A brave new world

Last week, I went to the dentist. I know! Amazing! Crazy! And maybe a little bit terrifying!

I got the message that they were rescheduling appointments on Monday or Tuesday, and then got an email with all the new protocols:

• only the patient or patient+one guardian
• stay in your car until your appointment time
• wear a mask
• wash your hands in the hallway restroom (they even gave out the bathroom door code!)

And it seemed like more trouble than it was worth. I was thinking maybe I could reschedule for a couple of months out, but when we finally stopped playing phone tag, they had an appointment the very next day and I hated to say no. I mean, they were open, they could finally work, I'm sure they needed to fill in the calendar. So on Friday, I went to the dentist.

When I got there, I sent them a text letting them know I had arrived, and then they replied when it was safe to come up (meaning, they could take me straight back and avoid multiple patients breathing up the waiting room. Cool, cool). I did wash my hands--not every day you get the secret code for the restroom--and wore a face mask in until they were ready to get in my mouth. They took my temperature and my blood oxygen levels and had me sign a form saying I wouldn't sue if I got coronavirus--all fine, I like my dentist and have no desire to sue him for something that is clearly beyond human control. 

I opted out of watching TV during the appointment because, hey, this was the first time I'd been in a room with other actual people, and my dentist and his assistant always have very entertaining conversations. I was NOT going to pass that up to binge TV. I can do that basically all day every day. Face-to-face human conversation? That is novel these days.

The funniest part was that they were both wearing masks and face shields. Kind of a weird experience to have your dentist wearing a face shield, but really, not that big of deal. A little odd, but what was so funny about it was that with the equipment going and the mask AND the shield, it got hard for them to hear each other. So, they were talking about breakfast cereal and the assistant asked if the dentist had ever had Pops (Corn Pops). And he didn't understand and he said, "What? Socks?"

"No, Pops." "I have no idea what you just said." And they went back and forth 2-3 times before he figured out it was Corn Pops. All of which was very entertaining for me, even though I couldn't laugh or anything because they were drilling my teeth. Whatcha gonna do. 

Anyway, it was the first of many reminders that things aren't going back to normal any time soon. Every day there are more and more people out and about and on one level there's this sense of, "Hey, things are getting back to normal." And then you go out and you get this shock because it isn't normal. It really isn't. Dentists wear face shields, people wear face masks, grocery stores still don't have products and have markers to space people out. It's not a new normal. Normal is a pretend thing. It's just an interesting new way of living. And once we get used to it, it will change again. That, my friends, is normal. 

The acme of my creativity

Over Christmas, my 5-year old nephew was upset about having to mop the floor. I tried to cajole him, but he just needed to bummed for a few minutes and, no joke, after being grumpy for 5 minutes, he was over it and got to work. And I watched him and said, "You need some mop mittens." He liked that idea and we came up with two or three other chores he could use mittens for. I left for home with a promise that I would make him some mop mittens.

And, only 5 months later, I have done it! I am not an overly crafty person, so these primitive guys are a high achievement for me. And I did have fun making them. It took me a couple of trial runs, and I did have a technical snafu which resulted in buying a new sewing machine*, but I did it. Creating is a good feeling. 

Now to send them off and hope that they do the job. If not, I guess we'll do a little more experimenting.  

*Came in really handy for making face masks last week.

Pandemic observations

Empty streets are delightful for photographers--and skateboarders. So many skateboarders out!

Mondays are just as rough when you are working from home as when you go into the office. (And I know that I am incredibly lucky to know this. I wish everyone could personally experience this. I really do).

Sometimes, there is no perfect decision, there is just a "doing the best we can" decision.

It doesn't take long to adapt to a new normal. Which is now just the current normal. Don't worry, though, it will change again.

I think I need a nanny. No, not for kids, as I don't have any. For me.

The mail gets reeaaaaally boring. Even the junk mail is sparse.

We thought virtual was the answer to everything. And now? Maybe not so much.

My bed has never been so comfortable.

Per my sister, parents teaching their kids at home are not just parents and teachers. They are janitors, lunch ladies/men, principles, and administration for a range of ages (one-room schoolhouse is making a comeback) and at the same time, they are none of those things if your child is a teenager.

Sometimes, you just gotta make a decision. Never use the word "encourage" or any form of it in a pandemic situation. Just tell people what to do and what not to do. Don't worry--a bunch of them will still ignore you, but at least everyone will know what they ought to be doing.

And, to quote s a college professor, this timeless truth has proven its timelessness and truthfulness yet again: People are people, wherever [and whenever, and in whatever circumstances] you find them.*

*No. This wasn't on the exam. But it is the most memorable and useful thing I got from the class. 

The View from my Window

I saw a headline the other day and it said something about the view from the author's window. I didn't read the article, so I have no idea what it was actually about*. But the idea of writing about what can be seen from your window is quite appealing. Except that I live in a basement apartment. And basically the view from my window is rocks, some bushes, grass, maybe pavement, bricks from the building next door, and if I'm lucky, feet. In fairness, my apartment complex is not a hive of activity at the best of times, so even if I had an upstairs apartment, it isn't likely there would be a ton to see, either.

Once in a while, I get lucky and some of the young'uns pop by and we chat through the window. That improves the view, first because it puts something in the view, but also because it's interactive, and that's always fun. Clearly, though, I didn't move here for the view.

I am pretty lucky, though, because all I have to do is cross the street and there are some fantastic views, especially in the spring. Oh my flowers! It's the best. I've been getting out and about most days to enjoy that view. This week, there have been a lot more people--not masses, but instead of 1-2, maybe 6-8. And we're outside, and spread out, so it's fine. But I miss having it all to myself. I liked having it all to myself. I mean, it was odd, but nice in a way. I mean, I remember the good old days when you couldn't cross the plaza without running into a crowd. When you couldn't get pictures without having a stranger in them. And now I'm kind of freaking out because there are 6-8 people instead of 2?! It just goes to show the incredible capacity of humanity to normalize weird situations.

So for now, no view from my window, but if I ever do have a great view, I'll let you know.

*This is the story of my life. I read LOADS of headlines and very few articles. It's amazing how much you can get from a headline. Thanks, headline writers.

The pretendness of time

I hope that, after weeks of social distancing and isolation, we can all agree that measuring time is just a pretend thing we do to feel some sense of control over the universe.

I mean, it was already up in the air for me before. How else do you explain the way I can simultaneously feel like an old tired woman who remembers' back in the day when' and pays bills and taxes and a 5-year old who has no idea how to prepare an actual meal and contemplates the best foods for food fights?

But now. Well. I can't actually remember how many weeks it has been since I started working from home. I have no idea what day of the week it is when I wake up in the morning. Tuesday? Friday? A month from next Thursday? No clue. I may or may not have gone to the bathroom during my 'work' day and mealtime--well, there is no such thing anymore. Without the structures we have created, time is kind of a non-thing.

Or in the beautiful prose of a friend, Lauren, "Time is now some sort of elastic quicksand that is simultaneously drowning me and not affecting me."

Yeah. It's like that.

Food fight

A while back, I was at this event helping to prep salads*. It was this fancy schmancy thing, where you put stripes of toppings, and I was doing the pepitas and it occurred to me that they are the PERFECT food fight food. They are dry, not sticky, very throwable, but easy to clean up.

Unlike the couscous. What a mess! I mean, maybe dry couscous could work (although it is a bit small). But cooked? It sticks to everything. Absolutely unthrowable. And clean up? Nightmare.

So, now I think someone needs to write the official guide to food fight foods. You have to consider texture (yes, this matters), throwability, cleanup, throwing satisfaction, impact when hit, edibility of food (I mean, M&Ms would be a great food fight food, but how do we feel about wasting chocolate like that?).

I know it may sound daft but let's be real. We are all stuck at home. We all feel like throwing things at some point during the day. It's important to be prepared. Just sayin'.

*because it was a group of women, so of  course it was salad. Eye roll.

Life goes on

In case you were wondering, Spring doesn't much care what the coronavirus is doing. Nature is carrying on.

One week

Monday:
Work was vastly unfocused. Why? Because we were all trying to figure out the future. "Will we be in the office tomorrow? If not, what can I do from home? What is your team doing? What about your division?" And of course there was the update: what is the status of CV19, how worried should I be, what is inevitable, and did you survive the grocery store.

So, yes, very hard to focus. VERY hard.

After work, I decided to brave the grocery store. And, no milk. Well, there was lactose free milk, and I felt horrible buying it, because what if someone needs it? But I did. I am so sorry. It is just in case. And I only bought one. Also, no eggs. At any rate, life will go on. Weirdest part of the trip? There was an ambulance outside one of the buildings near where I live. The EMTs were gearing up in masks, gloves, and gowns over their uniforms, like you see surgeons do on TV shows. Decked out. I was the only person (besides the EMTs and the security guards) around. So, yes, things are different.

I got home and had a momentary panic realizing that I should maybe go get more quarters, because I still have to feed the laundry machines quarters. Good news, the bank says they are open. So tomorrow. I can do this. Yeah.

The emails from every company I have ever done business with are also getting a bit wearisome. How about if we all just assume that we need to check with the business on whether they are open, have limited services, etc. before we do business with them.

Tuesday:

Did I mention all the people wearing gloves at the grocery store yesterday? I felt like a horrible person not wearing any. (It was two, but the cashier and the person behind me. It is some good peer pressure).

I have a sense of the irony of the people using elbows, knuckles, or sleeves to push elevator buttons. The premise is that they won't get the germs on their hands (or transfer germs from their hands). But we are also told to sneeze into our elbows, so....? A friend pointed out that the elbow is more sanitary, but I only wash my elbow once a day. I wash my hands way more often. And it's way easier.

The dentist's office was able to confirm that I do not have a fever and I had to reschedule another appointment as it was "elective". There was about zero focus on the part of anyone at work today and the numbers of people present are dropping. There are little reminders here and there, things that maybe you wouldn't ordinarily notice but under the circumstances do: lack of people on the streets, having to badge in at work because it is closed to the public, a more silent world. Still the daily non-stop conversation about CV19. You can't not talk about it, because that makes you look stupid or callous, but at the same time, aren't we all ready for something new to talk about? Everyone is pitching the same predictions, marveling at the same things, on repeat.

I want to help out people whose livelihoods are jeopardized and at the same time want to be a good global citizen. Either way, you're doing the wrong thing. That sums up a lot of things.

Wednesday:

To add to the fun and excitement, the day kicked off with an earthquake, 5.7 magnitude, and knocked my power out. The weirdest part is the feeling of still shaking after the tremors had stopped. I (correctly) assumed that there would be no work that day. But since everyone was working from home, was I supposed to? Because I literally couldn't. No power until almost 4:00 pm. It made for a very boring day. I could read on my kindle, which was fully powered. I read A Woman in Berlin and found it interesting to see that in the days after Berlin fell, the trauma experienced by women was the topic of discussion everywhere people met. Just like our coronavirus. The silver lining was I did get to go back to bed, which I wanted to do before I even got out of it. The other silver lining is there is finally something else to talk about than CV19.

Most of the aftershocks were in the morning, but there was another good one in the afternoon. My biggest worry was not having power and possibly losing all the food in my fridge and freezer. Now is not the time to have to replenish. Fortunately, everything was still cold and frozen.

I had to chuckle that confirmation that it was an earthquake came some 30 minutes after the fact, from a friend back east checking in. I'd checked the news, but nothing, and my phone battery was at 30%. I was fairly confident it was an earthquake (it was either that or a herd of elephants had been unleashed on the upper floor of my building) but one does like to be sure. The official statement from HR came out two hours after the fact. I guess with everyone working from home, it probably took a while to get things prepped to send out. Meanwhile, the people who had made it to the building were scrambling--no directors around to give guidance, so what to do? Exactly what they did--make decisions the best you can.

While 90% of the news (probably more) is CV19 related, there does seem to be shocking amount of crime going on for people who are supposed to be self-isolating.

Thursday:
I went in to the office today.  We are down to 2 of my team members still coming. I feel bad going in, but my coworker sent an email that it was lonely (not why I went in--I wanted to try and wrap up some projects that had to be done onsite). Again--every decision seems to be wrong. We did a good job of distancing, though. I went to the bank to get quarters for laundry during lunch (a lunch in which there were no obvious dining out options--even takeout had to be done online in advance, and I just hadn't prepared) and the streets were empty except for people fewer and fewer people with no where else to go or people who were drunk. (I'm assuming the two guys arguing were drunk. They seemed to be). Normally, you are running into coworkers and trying to pick the least busy option (there usually isn't one until 2 in the afternoon).

I get a crash course in hosting a teams video conference. Hope I can still figure it out from home. Even with the declining numbers of onsite workers, the conversation about CV19 goes on as long as ever.

Ever since the earthquake, my home laptop has been having issues. It's driving me nuts. The internet is a nightmare to use. Just on the laptop.

Friday:
And then there were none. From 8 team members on Monday to now--just me. Every collection I try to catalog has unexpected snags and there is no one to hash them out with. I edit a finding aid for a collection that is a mess (a good part of the content has questionable archival value) and am getting frustrated but there is no one to blow off steam with. A teams chat with a colleague doesn't quite do the trick. Sigh. Typed letters on a screen are not the same as the spoken word and body language. I finally went home after lunch and worked from there. Fortunately, the internet is fine on my work laptop.

I talk to my brother that night. One of his daughters is having a hard time being quarantined with her family (they aren't sick, just isolating, but hearing a 6 year old express her frustrations with quarantine is darling, and sad). It's not the same being at home with just the family. I tell him about my laptop and how it always had quirks, but now is impossible and that I want to buy a new one. "Do it! Help the economy." So I do. It was a great price so why not? I checked and I can afford it, and it's at least a drop in the bucket for the economic Armageddon. Maybe.

When I woke up, it took me longer than usual to figure out what day it was. I knew the earthquake was on Wednesday, but honestly couldn't remember how many days had passed since then. Without routine--regular meetings at work, events in the evening, church on Sunday--it is hard to keep track of time. Also, every day is some new major announcement or event, so you can't even distinguish well by that.

Saturday:
Thank goodness car rental companies are still going. Although, I am sorry, all car rental employees. I'm grateful, and hopefully you are, but I know it's all sorts of problematic.

I pick up an SUV--way too big a vehicle for my tastes, but I'm taking my niece home from college. Well, partway. We'll meet up with her parents partway, which means none of us have to do an 18 to 20 hour round trip and that has to be a more responsible way to handle things. Right? Before we leave her apartment, we get a text from her parents telling us to use the restroom there before we leave. They have a 2 hour headstart on us and are finding gas station restrooms are closed.

It's a pretty smooth trip. More traffic than I'd expected, but everyone is in their cars. I've gotten use to the deserted streets this week. It's good to see my sister and her husband, but there are no hugs or anything. We are all keeping a bit of space (not 6 feet, sorry everyone). They have a daughter who just got back from living abroad, who was in a city that had cases of CV19. This is a good moment to shift from working in the office to working at home.

The gas station we meet up at does have their restroom open. There is hand sanitizer as you go in the store, more by the bathroom. But my brother-in-law makes a purchase and, despite his best efforts, the cashier touches every item (not sure if they wore gloves). Like the woman in Berlin, this is the new norm. Everything revolves around CV19 (what an attention seeker, ha ha!). Their recently returned daughter has an exercise camp for her younger siblings--she hasn't changed at all, I'm happy to hear--and my sister is trying to navigate having all her children at home and figuring out how to provide structure and support the ones still doing school online. My brother-in-law and I commiserate over the challenges of working from home. Getting dressed is a must. The pajamas all day thing is not as great as you might think. We finally bid each other farewell, again no hugs. But lots of love and wishes for sanity!

When I get back, I go to the grocery store. After an earthquake and the push to stay home as much as possible, I'm feeling like it's my turn to stock up on things. There are signs everywhere encouraging shoppers to be considerate and not deplete the entire stock. One store has no eggs and limited options on pasta. Another store has better selection. No one has flour (I checked 3 stores. Although, if I were interested, I could get all sorts of non-wheat flours). Or toilet paper. Although there are a few boxes of kleenex. I am kind of surprised by how full the parking lots are, but people gotta eat. I may try doing the online ordering and just pick up my groceries. We'll see.

Mostly I'm trying to think ahead in case my area hits the "shelter in place" point. Even then I'll probably be able to get groceries somehow, but I want to do my best to not contribute to the problem, so preparing now to minimize needing to go out seems like a good idea.

Sunday:
Second Sunday with no Church. Worshiping alone isn't as satisfying as worshiping together but it's okay. It's not the worship part, it's everything else. Not having that schedule really is wreaking havoc on me. I'll get there eventually (and hopefully in time to shift back. Doesn't that sound exciting!) More conversations with people--church people and family--and all about CV19 and the earthquake. (Less the earthquake. The conversational value of that is already waning. Things can hardly get more than 24 hours of attention these days). One niece is still making plans for the spring term of college. Another, who recently had a birthday, got tickets to an event that will likely be cancelled or postponed--obviously purchased before this chaos. Spoken or not, in the back of everyone's mind is "depending on what happens in the next few weeks." Another aftershock, today. I didn't feel it much. Heard it more than anything. The perks of a basement apartment. Zagreb, Croatia got hit by an earthquake today. The damage was far worse, I'm guessing because the buildings are generally older than where I live, but they felt the same thing we did out here: "Seriously? This too?" I feel there pain, at least a little. It's one more thing that no one needs right now.

*****

There's a saying or proverb, May you live in interesting times. I much prefer to get my interesting times by reading a book about them years after the fact. Or in the archival records I'm working with. I guess to that end, to acknowledge my interesting time and give a little documentation to whoever may be researching and writing about this, here's a glimpse at a week living with COVID-19. It's unnerving, and at the same time tedious; maybe because I'm an archivist, there's a certain fascination (already archives are developing plans to document CV19). I should probably feel fear but I have limited emotional energy for that right now, although I understand and appreciate everyone else's fear and concern. I feel a bit guilty for not being more afraid although I expect that there is still a good chance my fear threshold will be met. We're only getting started, I think. Either way, there is that 'fly on the wall' part of me that is observing and so here are some of those observations. 

Now can I not write about CV19 for a while?

Life in limbo

As most everyone knows, there's this thing called Coronavirus*. And, I considered not mentioning it at all, because frankly, I'm over it. Not literally, but mentally and emotionally. It's really in-your-face and we probably all could use a reprieve where possible (such as a random blog that about 20 people know exists).

But I am an archivist. I spend my days working with the historical record. And there is always a certain level of frustration when someone has omitted historically significant events from their record**. I'm pretty sure there is going to be a circle for those people somewhere in the Archivist's Inferno. So, in an attempt not to land there, and because someday I will tell someone's grandchildren about the Great COVID-19 Pandemic of 2020 and drive them up the wall, I am joining the masses and talking about the Coronavirus. But just this one time.

Now, like I said, I'm kind of over it. The new routine at work in the past two weeks has become get to work, turn on computer, engage in or overhear 2 hours of Coronavirus-related conversation at some point during your day...". And the last few days of last week were, "show up, start working, Coronavirus conversations, and figure out what credence to give to rumors about coronavirus-related decisions." It's exhausting. Honestly, how many times can you have the "Why toilet paper?" conversation? There's really not a lot of substance to it and yet it keeps on happening. Seriously, there is going to be an entire web archive just on TP during the Coronavirus outbreak. Sheesh.

Also, the "let's not panic" or the "let's all freak out conversation" is getting old. It follows a very distinct pattern: "It's so scary. I heard..." "Well, something I read said..." "But on the news they were saying..." "Did you hear about...?" And in the end, no one really knows anything except that it's a contagious illness that you may or may not know you have, it's more deadly than some things and not as deadly as others, and the best advice is to practice all the good hygiene our mothers, fathers, siblings, neighbors, and basically every sane human being ever have been teaching us since we were old enough to know what a sneeze was. I personally feel like I'm set to continuous repeat in every COVID-19 related conversation. I'm bored of hearing myself, guys.

The plus side is that the Coronavirus (hereafter referred to as CV19 because I'm lazy and I'm tired of typing it out every time) conversation has replaced the politics conversation. Because that one was definitely getting old***. But, instead of fixing the problem by diversifying our conversations, we just replaced the topic. It's like when everyone started hating on Comic Sans as a font. Instead of picking better situation-specific fonts, they all just defaulted to Papyrus, which might be the only font worse than Comic Sans for general purpose usage. Humans. You gotta love them.

I recommend that during this crisis, we all stockpile conversation ideas so that we are prepared for the next time around. (To Do list: come up with other conversation topics besides politics, plagues, and weather).

On a personal level, I really can't get all that fussed about CV19. I'm not particularly panicked and honestly, don't completely understand the panic everyone else is feeling. I do get that people who are particularly vulnerable should be concerned and I want them to scream in terror if I sneeze in their vicinity. Please, do! I don't want to kill you! I get that it is a highly contagious illness and we don't want the whole world sick, but it does kind of seem to me that the level of terror outweighs the real threat? Although, in fairness, I have a very low quota of emotional capital to invest in this sort of thing, so I'm probably not the best judge of things. I am in favor of just shutting down the globe for a few weeks because, I think we are all exhausted from life and we need a break. CV19 seems like as good a reason as any to give us one. Just let me travel somewhere with nieces and nephews first, because being quarantined in my house alone for extended amounts of time? That won't end well. But a break in which we have Ticket to Ride tournaments, movie parties, and play with Duplo dragons or have extended games of "What If"? I'm so in.

I think my biggest worry is the economy. And not "the economy" as in some nebulous abstract thing, but as in the people who can't miss work and still have a place to live, the businesses that will die if they don't have customers, the people who will face very real and lasting suffering not because they got CV19 but because CV19 shut everything down. It feels like a no-win situation. How do I measure which is worse, me doing life as normal or me shutting down in panic mode (minus the panic because, again, I'm not panicked).

In terms of the lived experience, apart from the daily and routine CV19 conversations, the excessive news coverage****, the inundation of emails from every business I've ever interacted with telling me what they are doing in regards to CV19*****, not going to church today******, and bringing my laptop home over the weekend on the very slim chance that the situation may change over the weekend and I'll have to work from home, and of course, playing Pandemic the board game (how can you not), it is very much life as usual. Work, home, figuring out what an adult is supposed to eat, waging war against clutter, being exhausted, and trying not to cause damage to my fellow human beings on a daily basis.

So, there you have it.In these historic times, people do what people have always done: live life.

*I'm not ruling out the possibility that somewhere on this planet is a rock where no one has any inkling that Coronavirus is a thing. If that rock exists, I want to find it and vacation there for a while. After self-isolating for the recommended period of time, naturally.
**How do you not mention World War II, ever? The thing lasted for 6 years! It messed up everyone's life! Come on! Just one mention. One. Even the besotted teenage girl managed to pull in history when she wrote to the effect that it was a momentous day not because of the Egypt-Israel war (Suez Crisis? Maybe the 6 Day War? I'd have to double check, and it's all at work) but because HE noticed her. 
***I mean, it started hard core on 1 January 2019 and has been going on ever since. Not a whole lot has changed. In essence, the conversation is: politics suck. So, we had over a year of discussing primaries before the first primary even happened. I'm done with my primary, and I have another 3 months until they even decide a candidate, and another 8 months before I can vote. That is SOOOOO much time in which there is absolutely nothing I can do about anything except talk. I'm beyond over it.
****It is too much. And you might be asking, is there anything else to cover though? Yes. Yes there is. Syria is still a disaster, and getting worse. Russia is changing their constitution so that their president can stay in for another 12 years potentially. Remember Yemen? Venezuela? Kashmir? Yeah. The world is still happening. Although, if you are wanting to do something horrible or shocking, now is probably a good time. No one will even notice. Apart from that, there really isn't a whole ton of new news about CV19 on a minute-ly basis, yet that is how fast the news stories are coming out. Nothing helps people stay calm and rational like talking about a thing nonstop. Oh, people. Breathe.
*****a clothing boutique? seriously? My dentist, yeah, I get it, especially as I have an appointment this week, but an online clothing boutique?
******This is it guys. We've been practicing for over a year the "home-centered, Church-supported approach". Now it's go-time.