2025, Planet Earth, Milky Way, Universe

Dear 2025, 

Welcome! You've been here for a few days now, I hope you are getting your bearings, enjoying the neighborhood, and feeling welcome.

You may have heard rumors about 2024, whom you replaced. And how maybe 2024 was awful and we couldn't wait to see it go, stuff like that. And maybe that makes you feel a lot of pressure. I just want to reassure you, there was nothing wrong with 2024. 2024 did a great job! It showed up, gave us 366 days (a whole bonus day!), and didn't implode or explode the universe! It was everything you could ask of a year. 

If there was anything awful, that was on us, not on 2024. I want to let you know this bit of info up front, because it really will be helpful for you while you are here. People are...well, they are people. And, individually, we are often fantastic. Collectively, we also often do great things. But sometimes collectively, we go a little crazy. And sometimes life is just hard and complicated and unfair and we get tired (maybe you do, too. Maybe you want a vacation around August, just like us). And we get cranky with each other and sometimes forget to be nice, and you know how it is. No one likes feeling like the bad guy, so we just blame the year. It's going to happen to you, so be prepared for that. 

It won't be all bad though. We'll also enjoy lots of things, and have really awesome things happen, and we'll look back and say, "2025--what a year!" We'll have summers and holidays and birthdays and we'll keep saying "Where has 2025 gone?!" We really won't be able to get enough of you. 

There will be ups and downs and things will go sideways (sometimes in a good way, sometimes not), and sometimes we will curse you while also trying to make you hold still, and it will have much less to do with you (other than the 365 days. Shortchange me on those, and we WILL have a problem!) than with us. But deep down, we will be glad you are here and will be hoping you succeed at whatever years do (mostly the 365 day thing, I think). 

So, again. Welcome aboard! And good luck!

Unmasking

Yesterday I went for a walk and for reasons I can't produce now, I decided not to wear a mask. Now, before you panic, yes, I have been vaccinated. Also, my state has removed the mask requirement outdoors if you are vaccinated. (Heck, I think my state has removed all of the restrictions in place due to COVID. I'm not entirely sure. It's like, once we hit the one-year mark and people were getting vaccinated, everyone kind of forgot it was a thing and I'm not seeing updates on it anymore. Ah, the human memory--so short lived!!)

I've mostly still been wearing a mask around, just because I take the "let's just all wear a mask until none of us really have to anymore" approach. This approach is based on my life experience with exceptions: once you make exceptions or try to have too many categories, you might as well give up. But also, a lot of the places I'm going are still enforcing mask rules, so why not just keep living the masked up life? Easier than trying to remember if I need one or not.

But yesterday, I was walking outside, not going indoors anywhere, and I was heading to an area where I knew I would be able to keep my distance from people. Even so, I just felt really weird walking around without a mask. 

It was nice. I mean, It was lovely to not have a mask on. But, yes, it was also super strange. And more and more I run into people who aren't wearing masks--no judgment!! It mostly just makes me unsure what the rules are these days. But, hey, guys! This is what the end looks like!!* Yes indeedy, there will come a time when the pandemic really is a thing of the past. Woohoo!

*we hope. Knock on wood. I mean, there could be another India scenario, but it really seems unlikely, so I'm going to be optimistic. Why not? 

The greatest of these is charity

Last night, my community was given a curfew as a result of protests that took place in response to the death of George Floyd. I've had many, many thoughts, naturally. But in the last little bit, I've been thinking about an experience with a nephew of mine.

At the time he was probably around 4. His family and I had been out doing something that day, I don't remember what, and when we got back to the house, there was the usual transition chaos: getting the kids out of the car, getting everything inside, and now we need to move on to dinner or whatever was next on the schedule. 

My little nephew was upset about something, and was crying, and if you've ever been in that situation (lots of kids, lots to do, frazzle everywhere), you know how easy it is to say, "I'm not going to help you until you calm down." And sometimes, that's the right thing to do as we try to teach children how to manage stressful or upsetting situations. But sometimes, it's not the right answer, and that day, it wasn't.

Somehow, that day I managed to get it right. I knelt down and with nothing but pure love for that sad little bow, I asked what was wrong. I don't remember what it was--something with his shoes I think. He couldn't get them off, or he was having a hard time putting them away, I don't know. Maybe something with the laces? It doesn't matter. What he needed was help, to do something he couldn't on his own. He needed someone to listen, to acknowledge that what he was feeling was real, and hard for him, and he needed someone to be on his side and help him fix the problem. And through no genius or skill of my own, I got it right. And I have thanked the powers that be every time I think of that moment that on that day, I got it right and loved a crying little boy instead of all the other things I could have done. 

I don't get it right enough. Not nearly enough. I want to be the person who gets it right more often. I want us to be a society that gets it right more often. It's easy to look at these--or any protesters--and say, "Well, look at your behavior. Look at what you're doing wrong." It's easy to say, "Well, destruction and violence is not the answer, and so I'm not going to listen to you until you calm down." 

But I just keep thinking of that little boy. These people--our people--they are hurting. They have been hurting. And it is to the point that they can't bear it anymore. They can't keep that hurt in. And what they desperately need is us kneeling down and saying, "Cry on my shoulder. Tell me how I can help. I am here with you. I will share your pain and be with you until we fix it." They need us to love them and be with them and to get it right. They don't need a lecture, or anyone saying, "Well, here's what you did wrong." They need us to love them. And if we love them, we will absolutely do what it takes to fix the problem. We will take them by the hand, and stand with them. And when we have their hand in ours, with real love, there won't be empty hands left to throw things and destroy things. 

My heart breaks for all the broken hearts out there in this moment, for whatever reason. I want to get it right. And I hope you will tell me what I can do to help you and what I can do to make things right. 

I will

This weekend I got to spend time with my nephew, #24, who is 2 and a half. He, like all my nieces and nephews, is fantastic, and he is at such a fun age!

One of the funnest things is that he always says, "I will...". "I will go play." "I will sit here." "I will clean up." "I will go hit it" (the punching bag, which is totally okay to hit). There is something about it that is adorable. Confidence. Excitement. Optimism. Or maybe it's something about an under 3 being so declarative about his life. "There's a thing to do, and I'm going to do it." Or, it could just be that he's 2 and a half and pretty much almost always adorable.*

I'm sure there's a lesson here. How would this approach change things for me? "I will buy a car." "I will go to bed [meaning, sooner than later]." "I will eat vegetables." Probably can't hurt.

*Even his cry is darling. It's kind of convulsive, like an evil laugh only with sad tears instead.

Sober thoughts

This week was the funeral of a co-worker who died in a hiking accident the preceding week. The whole thing came as more than a shock. In about 5 hours, I found out he'd gone missing two days earlier, a body had been found, and had been identified as him. I personally don't think all deaths are equal and this one seemed particularly sad. He was a happy person and spread that happiness to everyone and he seemed to love life.

I hadn't known him as well as others, but we'd worked together on projects and I really liked him, as a colleague and as a person, and was sad. It was weird, because I found myself feeling like crying was overstating how close we were and feeling bad when others knew him better and felt his loss more. Which makes it seem like this was all about me, but ironically, I think maybe I felt like me crying made it all about me. And by then I was just overthinking so I said, "Forget everyone else." I am sad that he is gone. I am sad to realize I won't ever run into him on the elevator or in the hall anymore. He is a good person who made the world better for those around him. I am not a crier, typically* but I feel like my tears went to a good cause.

I also for the first time prayed for the deceased. I believe in an afterlife, as you may have guessed. Most of the people I know who have died knew they were dying and were in pain--from cancer or old age or other ailments--and so death was less unexpected and a little more merciful. And then we tend to say stuff like, "They are in a better place now." So the assumption is that everyone is thrilled to be in heaven and it's so wonderful that they aren't even sad. But in this situation, I couldn't help but wonder if that was the case. Why wouldn't this co-worker be sad? He loved life, he surely had things he wanted to do. And most of all, he didn't get a chance to say goodbye to his family and loved ones. I'm sure heaven is awesome, and I'm sure he's glad to be there, but that doesn't mean he isn't also sad that his family is hurting and that he doesn't get to see them for a while. I think I'd be concerned if we just went to heaven and didn't still care about the people we loved here. That just seems weird.

Like I say, I didn't know him as well as some and I'm adjusting okay. It's still a bummer, and there are moments where his absence stands out at work. I feel slightly guilty that life has moved on so smoothly for me and slightly guilty for sharing this, because it seems like it isn't really my story. But life doesn't happen in a vacuum. Regardless of the degree, experiences like this change us, so this little tidbit is really my story, not his, and I hope that's okay. I don't think he'd mind.


*not by choice. I want to cry a lot. My tear ducts just refuse to cooperate.

The Unscandalous

I know there has been a lot in the news the last couple of weeks about awful and despicable males. These people should be held accountable for their actions. There is no excuse. But, lest we despair of fifty percent of the human population, I just want to go on record as saying that this is not normal behavior. I know a lot of men--not millions, or even thousands, but I have lived and worked in the same environment of a number of men, and I don't know a single one who would think it acceptable to behave like the males in the news have. Not because they are afraid of getting caught. The men I know wouldn't do that because it is beneath them, because they respect themselves and others, because it is flat out wrong whether they are going to get called on it or not. 

This is normal human behavior and I hope that we will make that clear moving forward. But let's not throw everyone with an X and Y chromosome under the bus simply because of their genetics. The world needs good men and they are out there. Yes, there are scummy ones, for sure. And it is good that they are being called out, because they should NOT be seen as the standard of manhood. And maybe I'm overly optimistic, but my experience gives me reason for that optimism. I have seen so many good brothers and husbands and friends who don't fit the media stereotype. I want to be married to a man, and I certainly wouldn't marry someone who would behave like these men in the news have. I don't think many women would. 

I know it's not the cool thing to stick up for men right now and it might seem like a defense of manhood is a betrayal of women. But virtuous, good men are one of the best ways to support the cause of women.*

And maybe I just won some kind of lottery to know so many good men (and women! I just know good people!). If so, I'm happy to share the wealth. Anyway, I just hope that we don't forget that the rotten apples in the media don't represent the whole crop. 

*And vice versa.

Passing Time

I'm pretty sure that every night this week, I came home to the realization that I was not as close to Friday as I felt I should be. I think by Wednesday, I was saying, "How is it not Friday yet? How???"

It was one of those weeks.

Not that it was a bad week for me personally (although anyone who remembers this particular moment in history will know at a national/global level, it was not a good week). The only real problem with it as far as I can see is that it just wasn't Friday soon enough.

And now it is Sunday and I am facing the prospect of starting all over again. Which makes me think I need some cheesecake, which fortunately, I have.

But before I go, a little something to cheer us all up in this dismal, non-Friday world we inhabit:

There is something about green coming from a drain grate when it is 20 degrees outside in January (a very non-Friday kind of month) that is just heartening. And to make this even more cheery, you can picture me kneeling on the ground (practically laying on the ground!) trying to get this picture. I'm sure all passersby thought I'd lost my mind ("Who photographs the sidewalk? What a weirdo!)

May Friday come soon.

A bad case of the meh's

I've had a bad case of the mehs lately. Work has been incredibly stressful, which is unfortunate because it has usually been such a pleasant place that it offsets the meh-ness of the rest of life. So now there is the meh and the stress, which isn't really an improvement.

I knew it was bad when I had an incredibly productive Saturday (yesterday's productivity was up by at least 300% compared to the average) and at the end of the day didn't feel really good about it. I just felt meh. And by golly, I should have felt good! (I was pleased with what I got done, it's just the feeling didn't match up. Life's like that sometimes).

But today, I made an effort to learn people's names at church and to talk to people. Which, when you are feeling meh isn't always easy, but I did it. And I talked to my family, and had dinner with a friend, and got some emails sent to people I needed to get in touch with, and did some indexing. And I feel a little less meh now.

This week, my roommate (that's such a clunky and connotated word, I don't like it one bit) will be coming, so there will be company in the house. I sent my nephew a care package, since he is getting his tonsils out. (Hmmmm. I wonder if I should see an ENT about my tonsils/sinuses/e, n, and t. Put that insurance I pay for to good use and all...) And this weekend, I'm going to Canada. So, there are some very non-meh things coming up. This is good. Good timing, good things, and hopefully good-bye mehs. I could totally go for that.

Hope

Cosmic Math

I always liked math in school, at least until my first college math course, which was Calculus 2. Calculus 2 was all about theory, "let's prove the formulas that we use", and series and sequences and beyond me. I like the kind of math that says, "Here's the problem, here's the formula, the rules you have to apply, now, get an answer." Plug in the numbers, step a, step b, step c. That's my kind of math.

Cosmic math is much more like Calculus 2--theoretical, no rules, nothing reliable. Cosmic math doesn't follow a pattern. In cosmic math, 2+2 can equal 45. Which is just one of the reasons why life is what it is.
I think Cosmic always works out perfectly in the end, but it's hard to say, because it can be hard to follow how it all works out, so I can't necessarily say cause and effect. But, I have a lot of faith in cosmic math.

An example of Cosmic math: My car needed a lot of work. It worried me a lot, because I couldn't afford the work, or a new(er) car, or anything. Well, on the way home from an interview, I slid on the road and totaled my car. Which, as horrible as that was, solved the whole, "what to do with my car" problem. And, even better, my car was actually covered for collision, so the insurance settled. So, not only did it solve my dead car problem, but it gave me some funds. Which are also needed, and which can help take care of a new car, if I need them too. So, this terrible terrible thing ended up solving a lot of problems and really being for the best. THAT is cosmic math. Because, no one in their right mind would ever say, "I bet the solution to my problems is to total my car." (No one should EVER say that. Ever).

Now, I am hoping that cosmic math will finally, finally make the agony of the last year result in the most amazing and unforeseen 2+2=45 ever.