The plot thickens

I was just driving my niece home, and on the way we passed "Friendship Manor." Which, first, how is this the first time I've noticed Friendship Manor? I've driven by it probably dozens of times! 

Second, that is setting a high bar, my friends. Yeah, sure, we all hope that someday we'll have our own little friendship manor. But to put it on the door--you gotta meet that expectation now, buddy!

But, most importantly, that is just a murder mystery waiting to happen. It practically writes itself! "Three friends moved into Friendship Manor, thinking they'd finally found their refuge from the world. But then disaster strikes when one of the manor's 'friends' is killed. As much as they'd like to think it was a random burglary gone wrong, the real friends quickly realize not all is as amicable in Friendship Manor as they thought. One of these friendships may have soured into hate--hate that was strong enough to kill."

And then it sells on Amazon as an eBook for $2.99 and cozy murder mystery readers everywhere feel satisfied. 

The end.

Harry Potter would be a very different series if I was the main character

 A few weeks ago, I read a book where adult characters were doing magical mischief and causing problems, and the 12-year old heroine, despite being encouraged to leave it to the adults, didn't have any confidence in the adults and of course solved all the problems on her own.

A few days later, I watched a few episodes of the show Holly Hobby, because Holly Hobby was totally a thing from my childhood. We had a Holly Hobby record player--that's how classic I am.* So, yeah, let's watch the TV show! 

For the record, the TV show is not the Holly Hobby of my youth. Which is fine--they've modernized Strawberry Shortcake, My Little Pony, Legos, and dozens of other things, and kept them alive for the younger generation so we can share that connection. And it's a great family show. But here's my thing. Why on earth is a 13-year old in charge of the town's open mic night, including catering, scheduling performers, etc.? Basically, this 13-year old is running the town, because the adults are incompetent, I guess? 

I'm not sure if this is just a "let's empower young girls" thing--which if it is, it's a fail for me. I can't relate to that at all, and I'm too tired to even want to be the 13-year old running the town. 

Maybe it's just a storytelling device, though. I mean, take Harry Potter. If the hero in that book was based on me, as soon as I found out that there was a troll in the building and a girl was in the bathroom where the troll was likely to be, I would have told a teacher and gotten out of there. That is the whole point of adults--they have to deal with the hard problems. A prisoner who broke out of wizard jail and is lurking around the school? I definitely wouldn't be searching him out.** Which would make for a very boring (and probably much shorter) series. Who would want to read the series about the girl who lived a normal life and didn't save the world because she was just a kid?

Well, me, maybe. It would be nice to see myself represented in literature. Thank goodness for Beverly Cleary's Ramona series, Lois Lowry's Anastasia Krupnik, and all the other ordinary characters out there!***

*I think it was actually my sister's record player. But, it's been a few decades, so now it can be claimed by "we". 

**Basically, I am one of the hundreds of other students who don't even get a name in the Harry Potter series because they are doing what normal kids do, which is leaving adult problems to the adults. Which is why Harry is the chosen one, and not me. 

***I would still love to see a book where there is magical mischief and mayhem and the main character is just like, "Not my problem. I'm a kid." And they keep coming to the main character, and they just keep saying, "For reals? What don't you get about this? I'm twelve! Seriously! What can I do that you can't?" It could be hilarious.

Suspension of belief

Dear action/crime TV/Movie Character:

First, let me tell you that I appreciate your career decision, which allows me to binge-watch shows until my brain is liquified. I realize it's a sacrifice and your willingness to take one for the team has not gone unnoticed.

That being said, I'd like to give you some advice. Just small pointers that might make your job easier, nothing to worry about.

1) When you are going up against the bad guys, bring better firepower. Every time you go in there with your little pistol, knowing they are going to be bringing Uzis. Seriously. I know there is the Hollywood law that the bad guys will always miss, even with guns that shoot a million rounds a second in every direction, but it's not very believable.

2) When you are going in there, protect your head!!! I know you don't want to mess up your hair, but really? Why even bother wearing the bullet proof vest if you are going to give the bad guy that lovely updo as a target?

3) What is it with you that you always have to engage with the criminal? Let it go! Don't talk to them, don't banter with them, or whatever it is you think you are doing. Cuff 'em and go. Question them and get out of there. When you try to get the last word in, it makes it look like you care what they think, and believe me, you shouldn't.

4) I'm going to fill you in on a little secret. Whoever the random outsider is that comes into your little team? Your scripted to fall in love with them. Just don't. Don't bother. It's cliche, overdone, boring, predictable. Try something new--like interoffice relationships that don't involve any kind of romantic anything. It's done everyday.

So, there are some pointers for you, things you might want to consider to improve the overall believability of your character. Like I say, your doing a great job, but it never hurts to try new things.

Sincerely,
The Viewer

Life happens

So, for a while my 'life' scriptwriter and I have had some disagreement about how exactly the plot should go. If I were smart, I would be better at remembering that the Scriptwriter knows what he's doing, whereas I can barely manage to do my job credibly half the time. So, definitely don't think I'm planning on firing him anytime soon. He miraculously manages to write me out of the jams I seem to constantly land myself in, and does it quite nicely, so I've made a lifelong and then some contract with him.

Anyway, this was not my point. I was actually chatting with a friend and pondering why life has been so rough lately (lately being a relative term meaning "what seems like ages and eons and really, I think we've had enough, let's try something new") and the honest truth is, it's life. Rough things happen. But, there is a silver lining to this gloomy cloud, which I will now impart, because I'm oh-so-wise-and-snarky: at least if life is happening, you know you're alive.

Thank you.

Credits:
pulses everywhere
clouds, without which there would be no silver linings?
the internet, which prevents people from pelting me with actual tomatoes
analogese
persimmon, for no other reason than it's kind of fun to say

Ad Lib

I've been applying for jobs, and contemplating what type of interview questions might come up. There is the classic "What is your greatest weakness?" (I had an interview, and they specified I could not use the words "workaholic" or "overachiever" in my answer. I gave them 50 points).  It got me thinking, do they ever ask what your strength is? Because, I think I know the answer to that question. If there is one thing I'm good at, it's winging it. Seriously. I've been doing it for many years.

I suppose I really shouldn't say I'm good at it. I have no idea how successful I am at winging it, I may just be kidding myself. But, I can say with a great deal of certainly that I have no clue what I'm doing. I know I'm supposed to be an adult and all, and that implies having some sort of plan and experience and knowledge about life, but I don't. If there is a manual or something out there, I'd love to see a copy. I get up in the morning, and fake it through the day.

Most things, that is okay. I mean, when I make decisions about when to get an oil change, or what to do after work, it's not that crucial what happens. Should I shop at Store A or Store B? Eh, pick one, act like you have a clue. No biggie. But there are some decisions, some things you do, that it kind of does matter. For example, starting a new job. Now, I think there is an element of winging it in that situation, no matter how qualified you are. You are trying to do a good job, impress your employers, get the hang of things. You can never know exactly how things are going to go, so yes, you wing it. And being able to wing it is really important in this case. Because it means that you can deal with the unexpected. Winging it gives you a lot of creative thinking skills. And that is very useful in life. Because life is never what you expect.

Welcome to Limbo (Or, The Joys of the Unknown)

I recently moved from Graduate Student to Limbo, and it has been quite the experience. Along with the mental move, there was a physical move, which has provided all sorts of adventures, but it is mostly the mental move that has been the challenge. Going from Certainty to Uncertainty and not losing your sanity along the way is quite a feat.

As I've been trying to figure out how to cope in limbo land, I've had the opportunity to ponder what life would be like if we knew what was going to happen. Sometimes, it seems like it would be absolutely terrific if someone handed us a script, so that we knew that in Act V, we are jobless and everything is uncertain, but then in Act VI, all the pieces fall into place and life worked out. And we'd see all the little things in Act V that led to Act VI, and everything in Act V would make more sense, and we would be able to say, "Ah, see, this bump in the road is okay, because it leads to good things." But we don't get a script, and so we don't get to know those things.

Which is okay. Because where would the adventure be? How would that ever be interesting? Having experienced being completely in the dark, I can honestly say, I would rather have those moments than know the whole story. And, yes, I have thought that in the dark moments. (Not for long, but I have thought and believed that, so I'm not bluffing).

Besides, we are never totally clueless. Not really. I am a believer in God, and I have a lot of faith in Him, so I know He's going to work things out, if I work with Him. And I know what I am looking for, and I have bits and pieces of what is coming my way. Even if I don't know the exact details, I DO know life will be okay, and this is just a temporary thing. And in the meantime, I choose to make life an adventure. Generally. (Some days, bed is just a nice place to be).

It's like when I read the final Harry Potter book. I admit. I cheated. I read the last sentence. I do this often with books--read snatches from the end. You may think that it would ruin the reading experience. But let's face it: "The world was okay" or whatever the exact phrasing in Harry Potter 7's last sentence is hardly gives away the story. I think everyone needs to be able to read the end of their story and know that it's going to be okay. Then when you are in limbo and have no idea how life is ever going to come together, you have something to count on--that somehow, it will. And that is enough. Knowing exactly how really would take all the fun out of life.

So, even though I am in Limbo, and I can think of places I'd rather be, I'm okay here. Somehow, it is all going to work out and personally, I'm excited to see how. It is definitely going to be a great story.