Farewell

Dear 2015,

As you draw to an end, I bid you goodbye. Perhaps not a fond goodbye, but I can say I will miss you, if only because I could use some more time in this lovely life venture. 

There were ups and downs and rough patches and peaceful moments. Lots of change, which I'm still not sure I got right. A new hobby, less of an old one, good books read, lots of podcasts listened to, and many nieces and nephews visited. Some progress on goals (not nearly as much as there should have been). Lonely moments, and breaths of joy. 

Whatever else happened, I got lucky enough to end the year on a great note (so much fun with nieces and nephews!), which will go a long way in filling out the good memories. And while I am saying "so long", I don't think the new year in my life is going to be all that different. (I swear, you years all seem to be the same!) 

Anyway, like it or not, it's time for us to move on. So ciao to you, 2015. It's been something.

End of the countdown

Only one more day before I get to immerse myself in one of my natural habitats* - kids! I have really been looking forward to this. I mean, really looking forward to it. Eight kids (no, that is NOT crazy), 7 days, and Christmas. I'm pretty sure it doesn't get better than that. Happy holidays to me!

*I have two. The other one is in the archive.

Snow and other seasonal things

Today I got out of work 2 hours early due to snow. I was kind of surprised, but I have spent the last few winters in a place where things didn't stop even when temperatures were cold enough to give you frostbite if you stayed outside too long, so I have a different threshold that I'm working from. I didn't mind leaving early one bit, though. And I was thrilled that there is snow, lots and lots of snow. I have been walking around seeing the massive amount of Christmas lights in the city and they just look kind of sad without snow. So that situation has been nicely remedied.

I know that white Christmases are probably an exception rather than a rule for most people, but I love them. It's part of Christmas, just like lights and decorations and music and food and movies and giving people stuff and people, all of which I think I have raved about before. But, they are just so fantastic. But there is something about the combination that makes it work. I mean, Christmas music in May just isn't the same. Or Christmas lights, or Christmas foods. It's like a magic spell and all of the components work together and make the world just a little bit better.

There is something about the combination that makes it a special time for Christ, too. Not that I don't think he matters any other time of year, or that you have to have all the trappings to be able to focus on him and draw closer to him. But I think there's something about thinking of him as that baby born in Bethlehem--we don't really think about that at other times, and there is something tender about that. So I love this time of year, I love thinking about the baby who became the Man.

And doing it in my living room with just the Christmas tree lights on, well, that's just a bonus.

Who knew?

Today, I learned about demonyms. I have often wondered about these, and now I know 1) what they are called, and 2) that Wikipedia has a list of demonyms for different places, official and unofficial. Who knew that people from Connecticut are called Connecticuters?  Or that people living in Albuquerque are Burqueños? And if you are in Fort Wayne, you can call yourself a Wayniac? (Because really, why would you say Fort Wayniac if you can just say Wayniac?)

I didn't set out to learn about demonyms. I actually was intrigued that Morelos is a state in Mexico, and was then curious about how many states Mexico has, got sidetracked by Mexican state flags (I think vexillologists could have some fun with those), and then found a random link to demonyms for Mexican states.

I also learned today that the Berlin Wall actually went around West Berlin. Don't ask how I never knew that, because I probably should have, but I wasn't alive then and it never came up in history class (shameful). And I discovered that Berlin has a pretty fascinating history (It's 778 years old, ! That's amazing!), and there is a thing called the Berlin Buddy Bear, and that the bear is kind of a symbol of Berlin. And I learned that you can bike the Iron Curtain trail, which I think would be amazing. I didn't plan on learning all of that, either, but sometimes you learn things without even trying.

And I solved the mystery of aperture on my camera, or at least one of them. And had fun playing with my remote shutter.

So, I end today smarter than I began it.

I, the Sponge

This weekend, I was informed that there are moments when I look and sound like my aunt.

I really didn't mind, because my aunt is great. I did get a kick out of it though. I've never noticed that I sound like my aunt (I haven't seen much of her in the last few years), but I have noticed that after visiting or talking to my sister, I start to sound and act a lot like her. But I notice the same thing if I read a lot of Jane Austen or binge on a series. I think I'm a bit of a sponge.

Which, if it means I pick up accents well, I don't mind. I love me a bit of an accent. And, theoretically, it could mean if I watch upbeat positive people, it will rub off on me. That isn't too bad.

But it does leave me wondering what happens when the sponge is dry. Hopefully I'm still an interesting person.

I don't get it

So, I was out and about last week, and I saw this billboard. (Sorry about the quality. Photography skills are a work in progress). I'm not saying Pres. Harrison is unimportant or anything. I'm sure he did great things and just had the misfortune of being president in between the Revolutionary war and the Civil War, and not being Andrew Jackson, so no one knows who he is. Also, he was only president for 32 days, so he probably didn't do much. I'm down with learning about him, but what I don't understand is who is so concerned with Harrison's uncelebrated presidential legacy that they are paying for billboards? An extremely passionate history teacher? Harrison descendant? Political group with some very obscure platform they are pushing? Bored millionaire looking for a tax write-off? William Harrison with a time machine? I'm open to ideas. 

Make 'em laugh

When I was a kid, we watched Singin' in the Rain a lot. I have no idea why, that was just the musical of choice, except around Christmas, when it was The Sound of Music. Well, there's that song in Singin' in the Rain, "Make 'em Laugh". Not a bad song--not quite as catchy as "Moses Supposes", but it does have a lot of that good old slapstick humor in the show. Anyway, I really feel like I could use a great big laugh. I think a lot of the world could--I'm not so sure this is the happiest place in the universe. I haven't traveled the universe extensively, so I don't have any data to compare and give quantitative evidence. It's just a feeling I have.

Anyway. I, personally, feel like I am most suited for the comedy genre, and yet life has become a bit of a drama. And if not a drama, then a very dull documentary. And I really, really need a good laugh. A real laugh, not just a surface laugh. A joyous laugh. I think we all could. Who's with me? 

Dear Facebook

Dear Facebook,

It's not me, it's you. I think you are completely misreading our relationship.

You are my glorified address book. You aren't my secretary, my personal assistant, or anything more than a tool that I keep track of.

So, as much as I appreciate the multiple daily notices of notifications on my account (every poke, update, game invite--do I REALLY need to know every time someone logs on to Facebook? No. No I do not. But why can't you tell me when there are new pictures of my nieces and nephews? That would be worth knowing), let's take it back a notch. I know how to find you if I want you, and I think a once a week notice is more than plenty.

Don't worry, there are millions of other people out there who will welcome your incessant updates. You'll be fine.

The Mysteries department

As cliche as it sounds, I can't believe October is almost over. It really is a mystery how time passes so quickly, but can drag on forever at the same time.

Other mysteries of the universe or whatever else there are mysteries of:

Why is it that people stink so badly at communication?
How do all my co-workers manage to be world travelers, but I can't even manage to get 8 hours of vacation time?
Does doing all those flips and stuff really prevent you from getting shot in a gun fight? Because they do it all the time in action shows, and I am a bit skeptical. And even in a fight, it seems that doing acrobatics would be inefficient and would open up your defense.
What is American food?
Why is it that when passing a sign-up sheet around a room of grown adults, it always causes mass confusion and never makes it to everyone? Why is this so hard?
Who decided to call bunions bunions? Because bunion is such a doofy word, but bunions aren't really doofy.
Why are humans so keen on replacing themselves with artificial intelligence?
Why can't academic papers ever be interesting? I swear there's some sort of rule that says they have to be as dry and incomprehensible as possible, which is just dumb.
Why do we care so much about celebrity?
How is it that I can sleep for 8 hours and wake up feeling like it never happened?

If anyone knows a good universal mystery detective, I'd take a referral.

All stocked up...

So, a while back I realized I had a lot of freezer space. And I went on a massive cooking spree and froze a bunch of meals so that I could just pull a meal from the freezer, take it to work and be set. 

I decided to do it again and have another freezer full of stuff. I can't fit anything else in there (of course some of it is ice cream and frozen vegetables). Which is ironic, because my fridge is pretty bare. And now that the freezer is full, I realized that I haven't been eating what I froze, kind of defeating the whole purpose. 

So I'm working on eating the food I've fixed and remembering what I have in the freezer. And I have discovered that food is a hassle. I eat it, but I can't even remember the last time I ate something that really hit the spot. It's fine, but I can't even think of what would taste good. It's all so much work. 

It also makes me think of something I read, that I'm supposed to be eating 4-9 servings of fruits and veggies a day. How is a normal human supposed to eat that many fruits and veggies? I usually eat about 9 servings of food a day period. 

Food. Its way too complicated. 

Rain

Today, just to get out of the house and because I needed to say I had at least done something, I went for a walk.

Of course just as I left, it started to sprinkle. And then, eventually it started drizzling. I really enjoy walking in the rain, which is a good thing, because I really hate hauling around umbrellas. They are such an inconvenience.

Anyway, I got to walk in the rain. The thing about walking in the rain is, at some point you just stop caring about staying dry and your hair and staying tidy. And then you just embrace the rain. It's really cathartic somehow. I don't know why. I just really enjoy rain walks. I wish I could do it more often.

Life is exactly like Calvinball

As has been pointed out, "Life is 100% like Calvinball." 

If you are not familiar with Calvinball, here's an overview. I find it one of the most brilliant conceptions a human mind has ever come up with. 

And now, all the ways life is exactly like Calvinball:

It is incredibly disorganized.

No two people experience it exactly the same, i.e., it's never played the same way twice.

The rules are always changing.

We're all making it up as we go along.

No one has any clue how to keep score. It is a very  obscure point system.

No matter how hard we try to escape Calvinball [or I suppose however much we try to evolve as a species, or whatever parallel you wish to insert here], we always end up back at Calvinball.

It is totally random and unpredictable.

Masks are required.

It is an attempt to mix and match diverse and seemingly incompatible systems (in Calvinball, this is sports equipment. In life, its cultures, ideologies, goals, ways of thinking. I think we should take note here--it IS possible, and as Calvinball shows us, the incompatibilities aren't impenetrable barriers. We can all get along!)

It is beautiful chaos.

A special thanks to:

my brother

Calvin

Hobbes

Bill Watterson

Masks

All the blasted English lit teachers who beat symbolism to death for teaching me the stultifying skill of drawing comparisons where no comparisons ought to be drawn. Forgive me

The Public Library and newspapers, source of Calvin and Hobbes for young and old everywhere

Ginger

Let's talk about peer pressure

With this recent-ish move (it is becoming less and less recent--yikes!), I am now working in a place that more closely reflects my values and beliefs. Like, super closely. And I have observed a very bizarre phenomenon: I am way more conscious about what I wear.

Not that I wasn't conscious about it before. It was just in a more general way, the "what is generally considered work appropriate?" and just to get ideas of designs and fit and stuff. But I have different standard of modesty than most of my former co-workers had, so mentally, I didn't give as much authority to their fashion choices.

But now, I'm surrounded by people with the same standard of modesty. The first month, I kept looking at what all the women were wearing and feel like a total misfit. I wasn't, but I did a lot more comparing of my outfits to theirs. I think I still am doing it, I'm just not thinking about it with as much awareness, which is an even bigger problem, because my budget can't handle buying lots of clothes just to keep up with the Jones'.*

Anyway, this experience led me to a huge revelation, that shouldn't have been huge at all: peer pressure is so effective because it's coming from your peers.

Well, duh, you say. Duh yourself, I reply. Let's break this apart. When I was a kid, peer just meant everyone in my class. But that is the wrong way to approach peer pressure.

Peer is defined by Google (why they are an authority, I don't know, but I bet you will accept it because everyone else does) as "a person of the same age, status, or ability as another specified person." Key word being "same." Think about your sixth grade class. How many of them were really the same as you in any way that mattered? Or the people you work with? My last job, a lot of my co-workers didn't have the same beliefs as me. So if one of them said, "Let's go get a drink after work", I wouldn't have felt much pressure. Because in the most important way, they weren't the same as me. People not of my faith can have all sorts of differing beliefs from me, and it doesn't have much influence on my way of thinking at all. But people of my faith? If they have even a slightly different opinion on a doctrinal matter, it really messes with me. Because we are the same. We are peers. The drunk guy on the street corner? Not my peer. Zero influence. The ladies at church? Those are my peers.**

So my school got it all wrong. I didn't need to watch out for the kid who hung out in the alley smoking during break, or the athlete who partied on the weekends. They were my peers five times removed. It's the first peers you have to watch out for.


*There is another weird phenomenon, though--for some reason, now that I'm wearing skirts and dresses, it is somehow not okay to rotate through the same half dozen skirts like I did with my dress pants. Why? It's ridiculous. What's the difference? I think it's probably that skirts have such different cuts that it's more noticeable if you wear the same one multiple times. Also, skirts are in some cases less neutral. I can only wear my purple flowered skirt with so many things, whereas my black dress pants work with a ton of tops, so I get more variety with fewer articles of clothing. Fashion is weird. 
**The positive side of this is peers can also be a good influence. We want to be the same as the people we respect and admire, so if we admire good people, we'll try to be like them. Most members of my Church do have a very positive influence on me, and encourage me to try harder and be better. 

Cougerine

I had a very interesting moment of identity crisis today: my alma maters played each other in football.

You may be thinking the crisis formed around which team to cheer for. It didn't.

Nor was the crisis that the team I opted to support lost in a big bad ugly way. A) this wasn't all that surprising, B) I'm not really into all the hype about athletics, and C) while I am grateful for the experiences I had at both institutions, I just don't do the school loyalty thing to that extent.

The crisis (which wasn't that critical, really) boiled down to attire. I had this overwhelming urge to wear gear from each school every time I left the house. I didn't, I just wore gear for the one, but I really wanted to wear both.

But it wasn't just about fashion. And I could have worn both--the colors overlap. The identity crisis centered around why I wanted to wear both. I think there were multiple reasons. One, to show the world (and myself) that I am not the stereotype of who you find here. Also, to remind myself of who I am and the things I value. I think in some way it was also an assertion that I exist. In a city of over a million people, you just become a face. I don't have any connections here, no group of friends to hang out with or anything. And somehow, wearing a shirt with a school logo was a small way of asserting my presence. Finally, I think I wanted to wear them to rebel against being here and as a way of reminding myself of who I want to be, and where I want to be. All in all, a minor act of defiance.

So what started out as just being able to show affiliation ended up making me feel a little lost. Maybe it was fortunate that Grad stomped all over Undergrad. Just the thing to snap a person out of meta-thinking.

Life is not like [fill in sport of choice here]

The other day at work the thought hit me that I really needed a break from life. And, in trying to find the right way to describe it, I opted for the good old sports analogy: I needed a substitution. Just a chance to sit on the bench and rest for awhile.

Which got me thinking about how life really isn't like sports. Which is not to say there is no commonality at all--I just used the sports metaphor*, so clearly I'm not totally opposed. I'm just saying there are limits. So, here you have it: All the ways life is not like sports at all.

1) There are no substitutions. This, I feel, is a bit of an oversight.

2) There is no half time. Again, oversight.

3) No fans watching me play. This is not an oversight. This is a relief. Thank you, Universe.

4) Pretty sure that even if it is like sports, we're pretty much all playing a different game. And even when we're playing the same game as someone else, we're following different sets of rules. Very problematic. No wonder there's so much chaos. And somehow, I really like envisioning life this way, a bunch of people all playing different sports. So much potential for humor and entertainment! (Susie the tennis player going up against Johnny the rower. What kind of mash-up do you get from that?) It's so descriptive. I just really like this idea.

5) Did I get a warm-up?

6) The events do the equivalent of Chinese Fire Drills. One second, I've got one group of players. Then, all of a sudden, different team, different sport, different rules. Is it even a team sport? How do I score things? I'm so confused!**

7) I'm not so sure we make the team we're best suited for. Hypothetically (and it must by hypothetical because I have no aptitude for athletics), let's say I'm a great swimmer. But rather than put me on the swim team, Life has decided I should be on the curling team. Complete mismatch.

8) A lack of trophies. Or medals. I think I'm pretty okay with this. But I don't think more medals and trophies (when merited) could hurt.

So, the really important thing that we've learned here is that you should never take a metaphor*** too far. Got it? Great. How about a team cheer?

*what is the distinction between metaphor and analogy? For the purposes of this post, let's assume they are interchangeable. Just for fun.
** To quote my high school calculus teacher.
***Or analogy. Whichever. 

In concert, playing at the grey Chrysler 300?

I currently rent a lot of cars. Once a month, for the last couple of years. And, yes, it is true: one of the perks of driving rentals is you get to test out a variety of vehicles. With the added bonus of not having pressure from a salesman. You find out what you like and what you don't like. For example, I never thought I cared about car color, but discovered there is a dark blue that I really love. Also, I love crossovers. Never would have even considered one. And I'm not a fan of push start cars (too easy for me to forget to take the fob with me when exiting the car).

You also learn all the weird design things auto makers do to try to be novel. The Dodge Charger was one of the worst. For some reason they decided to put the switch to open the gas tank at the bottom of the driver side door. Took me forever to find it. (Why not look in the manual, you ask? The manual was on a CD. Fail. Total fail.) I've already mentioned the Prius. This weekend, the new odd feature was in a Chrysler 300, which had a dial gear shift, instead of a 'lever'.

It's less confusing than the Joystick option and I admit, it does free up some space. But, I think I'm just old fashioned. I like the good old stick.
















I also got a chuckle at the clock in the car. I think what was so funny about it is, you have this posh car, with all this new tech--touch screen for radio and media, digital screen for fuel information, etc. (as well as a digital clock), and then in the middle of the dashboard, you have this lovely analog clock. Or, at least analog looking clock. The car had California plates, and the digital clock was wrong. The 'analog' one was correct, though. Anyway, it just seemed a little ironic, is all.

However, the features of the car aren't really what I was going to write about. I actually wanted to talk about singing. What, you ask, does singing have to do with cars? Well, I find that the car is my favorite place to sing.

Maybe it's because I live in an apartment, so I can't in good conscience blast the radio and sing at the top of my lungs.* (I could in bad conscience. But I try to keep bad conscience out of the picture). Maybe it's because the acoustics are so great. Or maybe it's the combined exhilaration of music and driving. I don't know. All I know is, I really like listening to music and singing while I drive.

I'm not really a good singer. I can stay in key and stuff, but that's about it. So that may be another reason I like singing in the car. No one else can hear me, I'm my own audience, and I can get the volume to a point where I almost drown myself out. (I may be prematurely deaf, however).

Anyway, it is just a really joyful, pleasant experience to sing and drive and lose myself in that little world.

*It occurred to me yesterday that I've greatly underestimated this particular perk of home ownership. 

Bucket List suggestions

If you are looking for things to add to your bucket list, experiences that one should be sure to have before they die, here's one for you: Take a little kid to a Lego Store.

I was lucky enough to go to the Lego Store with my sister-in-law and my nephews, #s 12, 18, and 22. Twenty-two is only interested in Legos inasmuch as they serve as teething toys, but the other two, age 3 and 6, are very into them. When we pulled up in the parking lot to the mall, the 6-year old already had a grin that I think is best described as "ear to ear". And it managed to get bigger when he saw the sign for the Lego store. By this point the excitement had spread to his entire body. He had a grin in his walk! The look on his face when we walked in the store was priceless. There is a kind of joy that is an actual force beyond the person who is happy. This was that kind of joy. So powerful that if enough of it was unleashed upon the world, I think it could achieve world peace.

The 3-year old was also in awe, although his was more verbal. While his brother was into the Lego sets, I think he just had fun being able to play with the toys. He helped me fill up a cup-of-Legos (or whatever they are called) and delighted in providing me with a wide selection of colors. He was less concerned about the actual type of brick.

It was a delightful experience, one that sets a new standard for what it means to be happy. And if you haven't experienced it, you are totally missing out.

A Life of Anonymity

I know a lot of people are really big on putting everything about themselves out where the world can see it. I'm not one of those people. I am pretty much the opposite and try to live my life off the radar. Always have. I think one of the main reasons I stayed out of trouble at school is because I didn't want to go to the principal's office. Never wanted to have run-ins with the authority figures in my life, so I behaved. It's worked well for me. 

Anyway, new job, new responsibilities, and all of a sudden I have my name and quotes in a press release that has a huge audience. In the millions, possibly. At any rate, much larger than the handful that read this or anything I ever wrote at my last job. And even though so far, it's only quotes in articles written by other people, it's my work being promoted, and another article that I actually wrote is coming out, and I expected it would require way more editing than anyone has done. 

I have never really been into the fame part of fame and fortune (I could go for the fortune part, though) but it's always been theoretical in the past. Now, I can definitely say, I don't like fame. And I don't even have it. I don't even like the prospect of fame. A little special attention from the people I know and love, that's usually more than enough. 

So, whatever you do, don't dig up my name on the net. Thank you.

The best part of tomorrow

Because we are doing a special project tomorrow, there will be donuts in the morning. And lunch, so I don't have to pack one. And I will get out from my cubicle. And I will get some good experience with copyright. 

But mostly, I'm just into the donuts.

Don't ask

There are certain questions that I just hate being asked. At the top of the list? "What are your hobbies?"

Easy question, right? I know it should be. I mean, what's a hobby? That thing you do in your spare time, what you do for fun, how you enjoy yourself while finding personal fulfillment, and things you are good at, yeah?

In my spare time, I watch way too much online TV and eat chocolate. I don't think that's a hobby. And I can't say it's all that fulfilling, but it keeps me from going crazy. I listen to podcasts--is that a hobby?

There are other things I like to do, but they aren't things I'm necessarily good at. Lately, you may have noticed, I'm playing at being an amateur photographer. It fills up a lot of time and is a good excuse to go on walks and get farmer tans. But that doesn't mean I'm really good at it. I'm pretty average, really.

Hobbies also make me feel like I'm losing some kind of competition. I am surrounded by highly accomplished, achieving people.* They have oodles of hobbies. And I always draw a blank. "My hobbies? Um, let's see...I like to read?"

Finally, a lot of the things I do I just don't think of as hobbies. They aren't skills I'm trying to hone. For example, I do a lot of baking. But I don't say, "I think I shall go bake so that I can relax, enjoy myself, improve my skills, and find personal fulfillment." I bake because I want cake. I read because there's a good book. I take pictures--well, that one I do sort of try to improve, but not in any kind of organized way.

So, I really just don't like to be asked about my hobbies. It's a no-win question for me. Brownies for whoever comes up with a better question!


*I'm not saying they are overachievers. Compared to me, they are, but I don't think we should adjust the scale to make me normal in this regard. I feel accomplished if I make my bed in the morning.  

Shades of white

While I don't embrace the concept of tanning (I gave up on that after visiting several countries where everyone was trying to be whiter. It just seemed backwards, and I decided at that point to embrace the fact that I'm a white white girl and get on with life), I do like a good farmer's tan. It's an honest, earned tan, a tan that says, "I spend time outside, living life, doing my thing." So, I consider this a very small mark of honor:

My own little mark of Zorro!

I saw a sign

I've been going through old photos (old being within the last 5 years, which is not that old. We're not talking black and white, or even pre-digital here. I don't even know why I said old. Seriously) to pick some for my digital photo frame (thanks Renegades!)  and came across some signs that I've taken pictures of. Because sometimes, signs are really funny. So, here is the latest in my sign gallery, from the lovely location of Mackinac Island (taken last year when I was there for a conference. See! Not even old!):

(For the record, Doghouse is a food stand that sells hot dogs. But don't you just love the sign)

You pretty much have two food options on Mackinac. American pub and Fudge. Some brave soul decided to introduce a third option, but most visitors weren't sold on it. It was the only uncrowded dining establishment while I was on the island. The name is clever, but most people just don't say, "You know what I could really go for? A salad bar, with some frozen yogurt afterwards."

There's a mathematical/existential conundrum for you. 

And this one, on the way back from Mackinac. I think that this policy is more than just, and should possibly be introduced in more areas of society. Although, we better be clear on the meaning of "unattended". Because sometimes, life happens. 

That's all for this edition of Signs I saw. But stay tuned!

Silver linings

In case you wondered, you shouldn't leave out the egg when mixing a brownie mix. Especially a Ghirardelli brownie mix. On the scale of tragic kitchen disasters, it's at least an 8.

On the bright side, I may have figured out how to make brownie brittle (yes, that's a thing).
Also, it isn't as bad as broiled chocolate chip cookies. (Who puts the oven dial on broil? It's never on broil. 350. It always sits at 350. But, if you want cookie brittle...)
And, I now have justification for buying ice cream, which might make my brittle eggless brownies a little more edible. (Let's be honest. It's chocolate. Ghirardelli chocolate. I'm still gonna eat them. At least, most of them. They are edible. And not even bad edible. Not brownie edible, but not gag-me-down edible either.)

Anyone want to trade me some brownies for a few silver linings?

It's the small things

It's the weird traffic things that you don't have to do anymore.

It's the differences in scenery.

Having to use quarters instead of a laundry card.

Hanging hangers up like a normal human being.

New brands at the store.

Missing brands at the store.

No guest parking at your apartment building.

Forgetting that the place that used to be 5 hours away is now 20 hours away.

Lost teeth.

Facebook pictures.

Mixing up the zip code.

Paper.

Hearing Spanish.

Fingers on autopilot typing in the old login.

Runway kind of day

Do you ever have those days when you know you look smokin' hot? The hair is right, the outfit is sexy, the shoes are perfect, and you just know you look good, like movie star or model or publicity good? And when you finally get home, your sweats or pjs or lounge wear are calling your name and you totally ignore them because you look good, and you feel good in what you're wearing, and you just want to make it last?

Yeah, today is one of those days.

The me that I have been

There's a podcast I listen to, of the "2 dudes talking" variety (according to the podcasters). One of them wrote this blog post about how he's died many deaths, meaning as he's grown and had new experiences and changed and he's basically no longer the same person as he was a year or two years or three years ago or whatever. And in that sense, he's died many times. At least, that's what I think the gist of it is.

It's an interesting way of thinking about things, and not an entirely inaccurate one. At the basic level I tend to agree. But I'm getting ready to move and in saying farewells, I'm a little worried. There are people near and dear to me and we keep up those relationships through consistent contact. So what happens when I go away, when we don't interact with each other the same way? I know moving on to a new job is going to change me--I'll 'die' in the way this guy is talking about. But I want the new me to have those same relationships. I want to be the same kind of person they would want to be friends with. And I want to be the same kind of person who values them. How do you balance that, changing and adapting to new things in new places while still being the person you are and were?

I've done this before, and haven't ever really thought about it. I know that some people stick in life, and some people properly 'fade' out and that's okay. But I don't know if I've ever wanted to have people stick like I do right now. And there are qualities I've discovered about myself that I want to stick, too, and this move--I worry that it will kill off those qualities, qualities that I want to keep. And being so aware of it will make losing them a slow and painful death, if that happens.

I know I shouldn't worry about it, but everything--EVERYTHING--has been so uncertain and so off that I do worry about it. It's what we do when life is crazy. We hold on to what we care about.

What I'll Miss

Fireflies
Green
Apples. So many kinds of apples. Envy, Pinata, Jazz, Opal, Sweetango, Pink Lady, Honeycrisp, Ambrosia...
Water practically everywhere
My job
The wildlife that has no sense of boundaries, including Aeon the turkey, the deer daycare, Mary, Sue, and Coleman, and the squirrels (including the black ones)
The Bloomfield Hills Clan, 2, 4, 6, 8, 13, 20, and the parents
The Renegades (especially Brian)
Sunday teaching
Temple Tuesday
Actual diversity, as much as it sometimes drives me crazy (can't we all just get along?!)
Alyce, the other me
All of the opportunities, the "what could have been"s: people I could have gotten to know better and things I might have done and experiences I might have had
Home

Post 201

Welcome to the first of the third 100 posts on this blog. In some circles, I feel like I'm an anomaly for consistently writing a blog. There is a vibe that blogs aren't trendy anymore--it's all about 140 characters and hashtags. But in truth, I really just don't care what the trend is anymore. 

Honestly, I am too tired to care about much these days. I've been trying to muster up the energy and enthusiasm for a chipper #201 and finally decided to scrap clever and witty and just tell it like it is. I am exhausted. 

"Well, duh. It's almost midnight. Go to bed!"

Not that kind of tired. The kind of tired that drains every part of your being. I don't think there's enough sleep in the universe to un-tired me.* 

And yes, it probably won't last forever, at some point things will click back into place and I won't feel so drained. Eventually it will be okay. But, you know, I only get one round on earth, and I'm really mad that so much of it seems to be spent in a near-zombie like state. I don't want to sleep through life! I know there's the whole immortality thing to come, but there's only one go at mortality, only one shot to experience life this way, and darn it all, what a waste to be too burned out to enjoy it! 

Anyway, that is life at the moment. And now, I will go to bed because it certainly can't hurt. 

*Although, I'd be willing to test pilot a pause button for reality to see if that would help. 

Analogese

I've observed lately that I tend to use a lot of analogies when describing my life. Even in my own thoughts, I tend to say, "It's like...". And part of me feels really embarrassed by all of these analogies, as though I should be capable of expressing things without drawing word pictures. But it's the picture part of it that makes an analogy so effective.

"It's like..." is so fantastic because each analogy draws on a common experience which gives a sort of standardized meaning to things. Whereas if I say, "It was so overwhelming", well, what is overwhelming to you? Is it the same as what overwhelming means to me? Somehow, a comparison--"It was like standing on the shore and watching a tsunami come in"--is much more effective at conveying how overwhelmed, frightened, helpless, and angry* I might be.

I have a friend who is highly skilled at analogies. It is quite useful as we discuss things, and I must say, she has more than earned a degree in Analogese. It can be a tricky language to learn and requires good listening as well as good speaking skills. You have to know how to make connections, see patterns, be imaginative, and have a good vocabulary. And of course, if you get into Analogese, you are just a step away from it's language kin, Parablish. (Very closely related members of the Symbolic language family. Also included in the group are metaphors, similes, and allegory).

So, after pondering on it, rather than feel inadequate for using analogies so frequently, I'm just gonna embrace it. I figure, anything that improves our ability to improve the way we express ourselves can't hurt. Although, social media may prove me wrong...

*Yes, angry. I can just picture myself standing there saying, "You have GOT to be kidding me. Seriously?!"

Interesting tastes

I was looking at my Amazon recommendations* and came across the strangest recommendations. You know, "Recommended based on your interest in..." For example:

 

and

Now, in my book, Cinderella and The Middle are VERY different from Taken 3 and Get Hard. Not that I've seen Taken 3 or Get Hard, because, oh yeah, not my thing at all. So who out there is saying, "Man, I sure loved that happy, hopeful fairy tale with beautiful dresses and princes on horseback. It really makes me want to watch some Liam Neeson shooting up the world to get his revenge. I'd better go buy Taken 3"? Because that's messed up.

And then there are these:

I guess I can kind of see how they are assuming that an adult purchased the kindle books, and might have a young child in case 1. And maybe someone interested in science would also be interested in healthy eating. But what is the connection between diet and world war? Or diet and Sir Dudley Tinkerbottom (not gonna lie, the name was half the reason I purchased the book. The other half was it was on sale super cheap. Yeah. Not a good collection development policy.) Or diet and escaping princesses? I'm not seeing it.

My conclusion is, either a) Amazon needs to update its algorithm, b) there are some VERY strange shoppers out there, or c) I'm the very strange shopper who should rethink my life.

Maybe c?

*Helpful tip: When you are trying to find something to buy based on what the company is recommending, it is time to stop. Just stop. Put your wallet down and walk away. What you want isn't going to be found in a store.

The Inbox

I have received a couple of funny things in my inbox lately. First, sent on May 21, 2015:

Dear Elise Reynolds:

Thank you for your application for the ASST LIBRARIAN (TEMP) position in the department of Library Operations - OUS, job
opening ID 66271. This position was posted 02/01/2012 through 02/22/2012. The department has completed
their activity on this position, and it has been filled/closed.

I'm glad they let me know. I've been stewing over whether I'd get that job, and finally, after 3 years I can let it go. Closure at last.

Also, this one came in the other day:

The office would like to announce that the door for the fitness center has been repaired. Residents who have a card for the fitness center/gate will have inhibited access to the new fitness and laundry card machine immediately.

Since the problem was that there was inhibited access (the door wasn't opening with the card), I am going to say either "inhibited" does not mean what they think it means, or they had one of those moments. (You know you've had them, too). Fortunately, access was not inhibited for those with cards, despite what the email said.

Anyway, kudos to my inbox for keeping life funny. 

Graduation Speeches

'Tis that wonderful time of year when young people of all ages are leaving behind one phase of scholastic achievement and moving onto another phase of, well, something. More school, the 'real world', the parents' basement and unemployment. Whatever. This, of course, means that famous people are flocking to graduation ceremonies spewing forth words of wisdom, encouragement, and cliched optimism. Don't get me wrong--optimism is great, and cliches, as cliched as they are, became that way because they contain lasting truth. But I do sometimes feel that graduation speeches are a bit unrealistic.

This is inevitable. Everyone wants a big name at their commencement, so they hire out to Hollywood and Washington (the D.C. one). And if I were making a list of places that don't mirror the real world, those would be one and two. (although, in some ways, they mirror reality all too well!). Hollywood and D.C. are magnets for egotism, undue wealth, and artificial measures of success. So it's no surprise that the speeches coming from these famed speakers don't mirror the reality that most of us live.

"You can do anything!" "Change the world!" "Stand out, be different from everyone else!" "Make your own path!" I'm not saying that this isn't good advice, but given in the context and from the context they come from, it becomes very hollow. I personally don't have any use for it.

If I  were giving graduation advice, it would probably be along these lines:

"Be kind. If you want to change the world, start with being kind. Be kind to the person next to you, in the cubicle across from you, to the people at the dinner table, and to the person who is different from you. Just be kind.

Endure. Life is going to throw hard things your way. Sometimes, you'll be on top. Sometimes you'll feel like you are at the bottom of a pit with the whole world stacked on top of you. Decide to keep going. Choose to hope. Choose to trust people, to still be kind when you are struggling, and to let others be kind to you. Do the best you can and hope and hang on.

Don't measure yourself by what you have or don't have. Don't measure yourself by what you see others as being. You are you, and success for you doesn't look the same as success for me. If you are content (truly content) with your life, you don't owe anyone any explanations and you shouldn't feel any regret, embarrassment, or inferiority. Maybe you'll be rich and famous. Maybe you won't. status doesn't define you, so don't worry if you don't meet some arbitrary, world-determined standard of achievement.

Finally, choose who you want to be. You can be whoever you want to be but if you don't decide who that is, and stick to it, you'll never make it. And the values and characteristics you choose to have are far more important than the material possessions you choose to acquire. Choose to be a person, a character, of substance. Choose to be someone who is kind, brave, strong, optimistic, trustworthy, someone with integrity. Choose to stand by what you believe in no matter what. And then do everything you can to be that person. And then you will be content, happy, and self-assured."

So, there it is. A rough draft of the advice I'd give to, well, not just graduates, but to anyone. Maybe it isn't really that different from the Bigwig crowd of Commencement speakers are saying, but as someone who is a pretty ordinary Jane, maybe it would reach those other Joes and Janes who don't aspire to fame and fortune and just want to be normal. Anyway, to all you grads, congrats, condolences, and good luck!

Choose your own adventure -- overrated

I remember as a kid reading choose your own adventure books. And I could never read only one of the options, I always had to go back and read choice B. 

So I'm not loving the fact that life doesn't let me do that. I pick choice A, and that's the choice I get. And with life, you don't get to see how each turns out. You get hints, imagined previews that may or may not creep into reality, but you don't usually know for sure. 

Nor do all of the options line up at once. You don't always get the luxury of knowing all your options, because A, B, and C don't present themselves all at once. You get A, with no guarantee of a B coming along, and you just have to decide if you are going to take A or not. 

Nope, I pity the poor hero(ine) of any choose your own adventure. And if anyone happens to have been reading mine, I wouldn't mind a few hints for my crossroad!

Unhatched chickens

Today, I realized a new similarity between job hunting and dating. I knew there were similarities before: the endless mind games, showing your best self at all times, endless mind games, getting to know the other party, and, oh yeah, did I mention mind games? But today I realized that getting a call for an interview is a lot like getting asked on a date: a very complicated emotional maelstrom.

There may be excitement: "I can't believe they are interested in me! This is amazing"

Or anxiety: "What if I say something stupid?"

Panic: "An interview! Way too scary!"

Ambivalence: "Am I really interested?"

Mind-reading attempts: "Does this mean they think I'm qualified? Or just that they didn't get many who were better qualified? Is this a pity interview? They can't really want me, can they?"

And then there is the premature hypothesizing about your future with said company: Trying to envision yourself in a new place, pricing apartments, seeing what Wikipedia has to say about the location, planning moving costs, listing all the websites that would require an address change, wondering about your co-workers, your business cards, the stationary, whether you'll fit in, if you're up to the job that isn't yours and may not ever be, you've just made the first cut, it's JUST AN INTERVIEW for crying out loud!!! Stop planning your potential life! (And don't pretend like you haven't done this.)* 

It's overwhelming and nerve-wracking, stressful and exhausting. (And never helped by impending unemployment). Let's all make it easier on ourselves and take a step back.  Breathe deeply. Refocus. And repeat after me: "This is just an interview, not a lifetime commitment..." 

But feel free to include local grocery stores in your pre-interview research. 

*Of course, this leads to yet another similarity between dating and job hunting: rejection. But I don't think we need to go there.

Backup Plans

I think one of the constants in life is it doesn't go as planned, so it's always good to have a backup plan. I've been building a list of them, which at one point included becoming prime minister of Italy. See, I heard that only a crazy person would want to have that job. I figured I already met the most basic qualification. Unfortunately, they found an Italian with the same qualification.

The good news is that moving to another country to take up a leadership position that only a lunatic would want is back on the table: "Anyone applying for the job of England head coach would be 'crazy'", according to this article. So, all I have to do is learn cricket. Easy-peasy.

With 'crazy leadership job' back on, here's what the list looks like:

Plan A: Be an archivist.
Plan B: Go to Iceland and do something.
Plan C: Become POTUS.
Plan D: Become an HR coach and train job posters on how to post jobs and work with applicants.
Plan E: Start an outsourcing business, outsourcing things like car- and house-buying, job salary negotiation, etc.
Plan F: Move to Spain (I heard a while back that they were practically giving away land).
Plan G: Coach the England cricket team.
Plan H: Start-up country. The internet says it can't be done, but just the phrase "start-up country" is a dare. Didn't you hear it? I heard it.
Plan I: Become grant-funded. Have you seen the things you can get grants for? I'm pretty sure I can compete in that market.
Plan J: Become a writer. Come on, everyone's doing it.
Plan Z: Start a bakery. (Yes, I know. Z does not come after J. But the bakery thing--definitely something I'd do with much reluctance. The stress, people, the stress! And the calories! And the horror of watching something I enjoy become work!)
Plan K: Become an English-to-English translator/interpreter. We NEED this job, people.
Plan L: Be a consultant. I'd be the consultant that, people come and talk to me and I ask questions and have a discussion so they can work through the process of solving their own problem. Which would be far more constructive that what a lot of consultants do.

Really, I just want to be an archivist. I'm good at it and I like doing it. So, hopefully, Plan A will work out. Because I'm pretty sure the world would be a better place if I was in an archive and not coaching cricket. (Maybe less entertaining, but probably safer).

Major achievements

Here's a riddle for you: What do job interviews and purchasing new glasses have in common? Intimidation.

The answer: Both are downright intimidating. And I did them both today, before lunch.

Interviews are always a bit nerve-wracking, as everyone knows. But not everyone would think that buying glasses is on the same level. If you think about it, though, they have a lot in common at the emotional level.

In an interview, all the attention is on you, and you have to present yourself in the best light. Same with optical shopping. It's not like a grocery store or department store, where you can wander around and no one pays attention to what you are buying, how much of it you are buying, or what you look like while doing it. But at an optical shop, there you are: the center of attention, all eyes on you, and not just on you, but evaluating you and how you look. Granted, it is friendly evaluation  and the optician is trying to help you look your best, but it's evaluation all the same.

Interviews have a skewed balance of power. You're interviewers have the upper hand in knowledge and they get to call the shots. Basically, as the interviewee, you are at the mercy of the committee conducting the interview. Your fate is in their hands.

Admittedly, with an optician, it's not nearly as life-altering, but I still feel at their mercy. I don't know the ins and outs of insurance, lens and frame options and pricing, and the other details of buying a pair of glasses. They are salespeople, and I just always feel like I'm at their mercy. Dealing with them requires a kind of confrontational assertiveness that I can usually only muster with people I'm familiar with. Not strangers I'll probably never see again.

So, kudos to me for having faced down both of these dragons in one morning. And, I'm happy to report, the optical experience was far less daunting than it could have been (that year working for optometrists really came in handy) and glasses were successfully purchased, in less than half an hour. (Yeah, not sure that is the best approach, but I think it's going to work out fine for me.)

Next dragon to slay: the dentist.

Long live the 'dinosaurs'!

Call me old-fashioned, call me a Luddite, a technophobe, or a dinosaur. Maybe it's a byproduct of my chosen profession. Or maybe it's just in my nature, as a shy and betimes reclusive creature who has never figured out why my washing needs to be hooked up to the internet. Or my refrigerator. Or self-driving cars. But it's hard to not think maybe I'm a little-to-a-lot-bit right when I see headlines like this:

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-32513066

Is it any wonder I don't want everything to rely on technology? Maybe you've forgotten how much time and frustration is caused when things go wrong, but I haven't.

So let's cut the connectivity and viva los dinosauros!!!


*In many ways, archivists still haven't overcome their reputation of being bespectacled, bun-sporting, cardigan wearing, dusty old bores who live in the past. Take it from one who knows, though--we are far more tech savvy than you think! Not only were Google exec Vint Cerf's prophecies about a digital dark age old news to us, we're also already working on it. And have been. For years. 

[insert theme song here]

You've probably filled out those "getting to know you" questionnaires, where they ask questions like, "If you were an animal, what animal would you be and why?" I have kind of a love-hate relationship with that sort of thing. I love them if I can think of clever and/or funny answers, but I hate them if I feel like I have to be serious. (By the way, I think if I were an animal, I might go for platypus. Those things are cool and yet totally weird. But I'm not committing to this answer yet.)

Anyway, one of the questions I've seen on those is, "If you had a superpower, what would it be?" Then you go on and try to think of some unique-or-at-the-very-least-not-boring superpower that no one really has. But what if you had to choose a characteristic you already possess to be a superpower? Like my nephew's amazing hugging skills?* A totally different, yet somewhat more interesting questions.

If I were choosing my superpower, it would be one of the following:

1) My ability to make delicious baked goods and cause obesity in everyone I know. Oh, wait. Maybe this would be my evil villain premise. Sorry. Forget this one.

2) My innate sense of snarkiness combined with the compelling urge to entertain people when I'm in the spotlight. (I do not promise it is entertaining. I just feel compelled to entertain). 

3) My ability to read and walk at the same time. This has to be a superpower of some kind. I mean, seriously!

4) My knowledge of eclectic facts that can be rattled off at any given moment, usually when no one has asked for them. This knowledge is a result of my info-sussing-out skills (hello, I'm an information professional. This is what we do). I for one think it is a pretty strong candidate. Alterego: the cardigan-wearing, tortoise-rimmed glasses bedecked librarian. Archivist by day, superhero whenever. Because the world doesn't only need saving at night.

5) common sense. Although, I can't claim to always exercise this power. I generally do, but I have my moments. Even (most) superheros are only human. Or humanesque. Fallible, at least. Right? 

Ballots are open until May 1st, so vote on my superpower now! But I refuse to wear spandex, so just don't even go there. 

*Update: He's now 5 1/2, but he still gives awesome hugs, and is still the Superhugger. He even asked me the other day, "Remember that I'm a Superhugger?" Yes. Yes I do. And I always will. And you'd better always be.

Brownie Bonanza

What do you do when you're roommate LOVES brownies, you see a top 10 brownie recipe list, and it's almost the end of roomie's semester?

Obviously you have a brownie bonanza.

Clockwise, from top left: Baked brownies, Buckeye Brownies, Marshmallow Crunch Brownies

Delicious. Not nutritious. And waaaaay more brownies than two single women need in one 900 sq. ft. apartment. But it was a can't miss opportunity. 

Oh, and thank you and lots of credit to the Brown Eyed Baker, without whom the inspiration for the Brownie Bonanza would never have hit. And to N.E.R., who loves brownies. And all the people who attended the recital on Sunday and helped eat the brownies. And my co-workers, who finished them off. My arteries thank you. 

Easter thoughts

It is Easter today and I don't want the day to be just another day. So I'm taking this moment to express gratitude for my Savior.

I don't know Him as well as I should, or even as well as I have in the past, but there are things I do know, even if I don't always feel as certain as I want to.

He is the only truly reliable thing in the Universe. He is sure, a certainty. (Even more certain than death and taxes).

He is constant, a much needed constant in a world in commotion. He never changes, His doctrine never changes, His invitation never changes, and His love never changes.

When no one else knows what life is like for me, He does. And it's not a knowledge based on 'similarities'. It is a knowledge from having experienced what I experience--a perfect, complete understanding and knowledge of my situation.

He is a friend. He has been my friend, and I am trying to do whatever it takes to remain His friend.

He is so, so good. I think the quality of goodness is incredibly underrated. When I think of how good He is, it fills my heart with joy and love and a desire to be good, as well. Good in the truest, purest way.

I want so much to be with Him again and to have Him as my friend always. I hate being far from Him and I don't want to disappoint Him. I know I do, sometimes, but I hope more than anything that He knows how much I love Him and want to please Him. I want to live worthy of the sacrifice He made. I want Him to know how grateful I am for the hope and light that exist because of Him.

As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, "Thanks be unto God for his unspeakable gift."*


*(2 Corinthians 9: 15)

Mythbusting

Lately, I think I've been feeling a bit of an inferiority complex, I think. I keep running into these highly accomplished and achieving women: women with multiple advanced degrees, successful careers, families, etc. In comparison, I look like a bum whose doing nothing in her life. Not that I want more degrees, or my own business or anything. I don't think I'd even notice except I'm job hunting, which is enough to give anyone an inferiority complex and puts you in 'competition mode'.*

Along with this, there's also been so a lot of talk about women's equality in the news, with a lot of talk about women having it all. I've thought a lot about that phrase, 'having it all', and hobnobbing with these incredible and accomplished women has got me thinking about it again. I've come to the conclusion that "having it all" is a myth. And so today, I'm going to do some myth-busting surrounding the implications of women having it all.

Myth #1: Men have it all.
Talking about women's equality and whether they can have it all automatically implies that men have it all. I beg to differ on that score. Men do not have it all. They make a choice to work to provide for their family, and the trade-off is they miss a lot while they are at work. I know there are a variety of reasons men do this, but I think it would be very wrong to assume that they don't miss being home with their families. Men don't really talk about it, but maybe they should talk about the sacrifices they make by having a career. We'd at least have a more complete picture of thing.

Myth #2: All women want to have it all.
All these articles about women's rights and women having it all make me feel like a backwards hick from Idaho** because I don't want to have it all. I don't worry about being seen as the equal of men. In some ways, I hope I'm never equal to a man. I'm NOT a man, I'm a woman, and if being their equal means becoming like them, I'll pass. I don't want a career and a family and a cause and to be the main housekeeper. Maybe I'm deficient in my womanly qualities, but I can't multitask. Except for reading and walking at the same time. Otherwise, I'll take one thing at a time, thank you very much.

Myth #3: "all" is 100% good stuff.
I work a full-time job right now, and I can tell you that I don't know what the fuss is all about. I love my work, but there is a lot of stress and tension and frustration that comes with a job. You have to deal with bosses, co-workers, bureaucracy, angry clientele, and all sorts of other issues. You have to get up and be at the same place everyday. Sometimes, you get stuck in a job that becomes a huge rut with no opportunity for growth. Not all jobs are secure jobs.

And being a family woman isn't always a picnic, either. Kids don't listen to you, you have to bathe, dress, and feed them. They get sick, they whine, they fight. Husbands don't always read your mind. Not that there aren't also fantastic rewards to family life, and work for that matter. But I think we aren't giving young women the full picture--having it all isn't glamorous. All means all--the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they should be prepared for that.

Myth #4: Women (or anyone for that matter) can have it all alone.
No matter what anyone tries to tell you, no one is a self-made human being. The woman who has it all comes across as an independent person who doesn't need anyone else to get there. This is a lie. People need people, and as much as the world is trying to deny it, women need men and men need women. I have never felt as complete as a woman as I did when I was dating a good young man. As a woman alone, I will never have it all. But with a husband by my side, all is a real possibility.

Myth #5: It is actually possible to have it all.
I'm not actually sure what is meant by 'all', but I have a feeling that 'all' doesn't actually exist. At least not all at once. From what I've seen, having a career requires sacrificing aspects of family life and family life requires sacrifices, too. There are trade-offs in the decisions we make. Now, to be clear: the trade-off isn't automatically good or bad, it just is. That is the reality. But any trade-off means you are subtracting from 'all'. It's something to consider.

Of course, this isn't taking time into account. We focus so much on "have it all" that we never talk about "when". I don't think there is any one 'when'--when can be different for each of us. But I don't think it would hurt to add it to the discussion.

Myth #6. Having it all determines my worth.
I mentioned earlier feeling inferior. But dear self-with-an-inferiority-complex: Your worth has nothing to do with having it all, with degrees or salaries or promotions or number of kids or marital status. Your worth comes from the fact that you am a daughter of God. Don't ever base your worth on 'having it all', because you will never have enough without the Lord. He loves you, and that is the best 'all' there is.


***Note: This post is based purely on common sense and the experience and understanding of the author and has absolutely no scientific basis whatsoever, although if you find scientific basis, feel free to let me know. Also, if I totally missed the boat on what everyone means by 'having it all', well, please, do educate me. But since this is my personal blog, I can still make the argument based on my own definition. So there.***

*This is one of the many issues I have with job hunting as it takes place in the US. But that is a diatribe for another day. 
**This is only half true. I am from Idaho, but I am not backwards. Or a hick. Maybe not a city slicker, but definitely not a hick.

Continuing Education

The nature of my job is such that I don't always have to give 100% of my attention to the task at hand, so I can listen to things while I work. Most of my co-workers listen to music while they work on things, but I listen to podcasts. This creates a small problem when people walk by and start talking to me because, unlike with music, I can't jump out and jump back in.

One day, a co-worker asked what I was listening to, and I named the podcast. She said, "Wow. So you're actually, like, learning about stuff. You must be really well-informed." I don't know how informed I am, but I do learn a lot. Proof of this? The other day I saw this comic strip and while I didn't know everything on there, five of them were things I knew about from podcasts, which is five more that I knew than I would have.

So what do I listen to at work? Here is my podcast list:

BBC Documentaries
BBC Witness
BBC's More or Less
Freakonomics
BBC's Friday Night Comedy
BBC's Comedy of the Week
Hello Internet
Intelligence Squared and Intelligence Squared US
Wait Wait ... Don't Tell Me!
NPR's Story of the Day
Invisibilia
Radiolab
TED Talks
Stuff You Should Know
Stuff You Missed in History
and NPR's On the Media

My great accomplishment of 2014 was to actually catch up on podcast episodes. I am now current (and unfortunately, that sometimes means I don't have very many to listen to at work. Thank goodness for audiobooks!)

One way or another, whether from podcasts or from what I'm working on (I'm an archivist--finding out new information is inevitable), I am constantly learning something new. Just the way I like it.

Any excuse for Pi(e)

Welcome to this historic Pi Day (3/14/15...). In honor of the occasion I am eating pie. For breakfast. At 9:26. (Yes, that last bit is a little planned, I confess. But the rest of it is all about whimsy.)

Happy Pi day, world.

Rights or Right?

The other day, on the way home from work, a passenger on the bus dropped his hat and another passenger picked it up and ran to the door of the bus to give it to passenger 1. I had been feeling a bit self-absorbed, tired, and a bit unfriendly towards the world at large, and hadn't felt overly favorable to my fellow riders. Not that I'd been rude or anything, more that I just ignored them. But I had 'summed them up', I guess you could say. I wasn't necessarily judging them or anything, because I really wasn't invested enough to form an opinion. But I did survey them as I got on the bus and found my corner to hermit up in.

Anyway, when passenger two returned the hat, I was shaken from my self-indulgent stupor. I kept feeling like I should be doing something to help, but it doesn't really take that many people to return a hat. And the first passenger thanked him, I saw a totally different passenger one from the one I had summed up previously. I had observed certain things, and wondered about them in the context of my own experience, and then dismissed it all from my mind, but that small, insignificant interaction gave me a chance to see beyond the surface and shift from the immune human being on a bus to a participant in humanity, and I was incredibly grateful for the experience.

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not a callous person, I try very hard not to limit people to what I can gather from a brief glimpse of them on a bus (hardly a reliable way to learn someone's character!). I'm a normal human being who is trying her best to do some good in the world, and I'm not saying that you should run out and meet everyone on the bus or anything. What stood out to me about this incident was what a difference kindness makes in how we perceive each other, and how we feel about each other.

That same day, I had listened to a podcast, a debate that centered around freedom of speech and our right to said freedom. And as I listened, I just kept feeling dismayed at how much more concern everyone feels about their rights than they do about doing what is right--what is right being what is kind, what is respectful, what shows understanding and courtesy towards someone else whether we agree or not. Basically, what is right being the golden rule (a very undervalued principle!).

I read headlines and I feel like there is so much anger everywhere, people all fighting for a piece of some non-existent pie, everyone being against everyone else, loud voices, defensiveness, and just so much anger. I'm not qualified to give an opinion on whether the anger is justified or anything. There are a lot of problems in the world, there's a lot of unfairness, and I feel like a little kid who doesn't know enough to handle big problems. But it does seem like a lot of the arguing and anger and discord stems from a world more concerned about getting their own than trying to treat other people the way they deserve. And I think of that act of kindness. One person tried to be kind, and suddenly the strangers involved became real. I saw myself in them--my desire to make others smile, to help others. One of them reminded me of my dad. I was reminded of my own gratitude when people do small things to help. When you see yourself in others, it is hard to feel indifferent to them. It's the golden rule at work.

So what is my point? I don't know if I know. But I think of that debate about freedom of speech, and the people arguing that they should be able to say whatever they want, whenever they want, with impunity. Well, maybe you'll think I'm naive, but it seems to me that if we stopped worrying so much about what we are legally entitled to say or do, and thought more about whether we ought to say or do it--whether it is the right thing to do, even if we have a right to do it--the world might run just a little more smoothly. What say we go be kind?

Suspension of belief

Dear action/crime TV/Movie Character:

First, let me tell you that I appreciate your career decision, which allows me to binge-watch shows until my brain is liquified. I realize it's a sacrifice and your willingness to take one for the team has not gone unnoticed.

That being said, I'd like to give you some advice. Just small pointers that might make your job easier, nothing to worry about.

1) When you are going up against the bad guys, bring better firepower. Every time you go in there with your little pistol, knowing they are going to be bringing Uzis. Seriously. I know there is the Hollywood law that the bad guys will always miss, even with guns that shoot a million rounds a second in every direction, but it's not very believable.

2) When you are going in there, protect your head!!! I know you don't want to mess up your hair, but really? Why even bother wearing the bullet proof vest if you are going to give the bad guy that lovely updo as a target?

3) What is it with you that you always have to engage with the criminal? Let it go! Don't talk to them, don't banter with them, or whatever it is you think you are doing. Cuff 'em and go. Question them and get out of there. When you try to get the last word in, it makes it look like you care what they think, and believe me, you shouldn't.

4) I'm going to fill you in on a little secret. Whoever the random outsider is that comes into your little team? Your scripted to fall in love with them. Just don't. Don't bother. It's cliche, overdone, boring, predictable. Try something new--like interoffice relationships that don't involve any kind of romantic anything. It's done everyday.

So, there are some pointers for you, things you might want to consider to improve the overall believability of your character. Like I say, your doing a great job, but it never hurts to try new things.

Sincerely,
The Viewer

Nothing is happening......

I have been trying to come up with something worth writing about. And I just can't come up with anything.

I blame it on February. I know, it's a short little month, and it doesn't deserve the bad reputation it has, but February is just so dreary. When I think of February, I think of that dirty-snow-on-the-side-of-the-road color and rose red. (Which, let's be fair--that is a great thing to have come to mind). And cold. Why does February have to be so cold?

Anyway, there is nothing of interest going on at all, so I say we call it a February and pick up again in March. Who's with me?

God Save the Queen

I think it's high time we face the facts: I am an anglophile.

It's been coming on for a while now. It probably started with books. Jane Austen. Harry Potter. Tolkien, Lewis. All the great British classics.

Then I moved on to BBC TV shows. Doctor Who. Sherlock. Keeping Up Appearances.

Then I started reading the BBC news, and the occasional Economist article.

Then more TV. As Time Goes By. Yes, Minister and Yes, Prime Minister.

But that wasn't enough. I just couldn't satisfy my craving for British humor, mystery, and global news coverage. I started listening to podcasts: BBC Documentaries, More or Less, Witness, Intelligence Squared. The News Quiz.

More TV: Poirot, Endeavour, Foyle's War. More books, branching out into the rest of the commonwealth: Artemis Fowl, Jonathan Stroud, Robin McKinley, Terry Pratchett. My appetite for UK media became insatiable.

Now I've branched out into radio shows. Cabin Pressure, John Finnemore's Souvenir Program, Welcome to Our Village, Please Invade Quietly. And my calendar for the year is England. Next thing you know, I'll be looking for jobs there and planning a move across the pond. Where will it end?

I blame it on genetics, myself. It's my English roots. You can take the English out of England (and deposit them in a colony on the other side of the planet, let them get comfy, rebel, and start a new country, and spend 200 years making a mess of things), but you just can't take England out of the English. Or something like that. Yeah. Hail Britannia.

The Universe's Suggestion Box

Please leave us feedback about your experience.
                                                                    Thanks,
                                                                           Management, The Universe


--I could use 'commercial breaks'. This whole life thing is so constant, I need a chance to pause.

--Chocolate should be healthy.

--Cockroaches? Really? Why?

--Needs more rainbows.

--Must you be so mysterious?

--I'd like my own soundtrack. It could just play in the background all the time. It would be great. And there could be different songs for when I interact with people. And I'd know if they were nice or jerks or whatever by the music. Seriously, you should do this. It's a brilliant idea.

--Bring back the dinosaurs!

--Please make magic a thing. That would be awesome. Thanks.

--An FAQ page. And make your contact info easy to find.

--Could you please add a naturally occurring food in the color of blue? All the other colors are represented, and it is totally bugging me that blue isn't.

--I think EVERYONE should get snow for Christmas, not just some places.

--Transportation is slow. We need apparition or transporters or something.

--Love what you've done to the place--it's gorgeous. Keep up the good work!

Compartmentalizing

Recently, I caved in and upgraded to a smartphone. It was a bit of a bittersweet moment, because I am no longer a card-carrying member of the Luddites, and I enjoyed being one of the few who has technology dumber than themselves.

But due to certain situations, I was compelled to 'modernize', those situations being 1) winter bus-riding and 2) not having a local branch of my bank but needing to make a regular deposit. Other than that, my phone, however smart it may be, still has one specific purpose: Communication.

When it comes to technology, I am very compartmentalized. My phone is a phone. I use it for phone calls and texts (and, now, to check if the bus is on its way and to deposit checks more conveniently). I have an iPod for audio enjoyment. I have a camera for taking pictures. I use my tablet for streaming video, playing games, and reading. And if I need to create documents, surf the web, or do other computing tasks, I use my laptop. A device for everything and everything on a device, ha ha.

There are some people who find this behavior very bizarre and assume that anyone who would choose to use different devices for different tasks must be some kind of technophobe. This, friends, is far from the truth. It is simply a different way of organizing oneself. I just happen to have the type of personality that finds different devices more conducive for certain tasks. It doesn't make me out-of-date or a dinosaur or technologically incompetent. It is just how I choose to arrange myself and order the tech in my life.

So, on behalf of all the like-minded people out there, I'm standing up for tech-preference diversity. Thank you for respecting my technology choices.

The best of times, the worst of times

Okay, so maybe 2014 didn't quite hit the extremes of best and worst, but it was definitely a roller coaster year of highs and lows. Or maybe more like a bell curve, rather than a lot of ups and downs. I don't know and I don't feel like thinking over it that deeply to figure out what my year would have looked like on a graph. In terms of work, it was definitely the bell curve. Things were really looking up and seemed really hopeful. Until June. And then it was a long steep downward slope and, well, work just hasn't been so fun and welcoming. Happy New Year, and welcome back to limbo!

But let's skip over that aggravation. There were definitely good things in 2014, so here's the highlight reel:

• I moved to a new place, with a new roommate, and it has been a good change. 
• I survived all of the polar vortexes of 2014 and a record-breaking winter snowfall.
• I got a new niece, two new nephews, and met them all, plus I met my 3 year old niece for the first time!
• I went back home for an entire week (and got paid vacation!!!) and got to see a lot of my family and mountains!
• I completed Great Lakes bingo, saw Niagara Falls, and spent more than a few hours in Canada. Super fun.
• I presented at a professional conference for the first time.
• I enjoyed the friendships I've built and was really blessed by the people I know.
• I was called as an ordinance worker at the temple near me, and have been serving there since June.

I read some good books, including a couple about the Middle East that were quite insightful and going on an Agatha Christie binge. Watched some good movies, and some lame ones. I didn't seem to actually change any of the things I wanted to--I still go to bed too late, don't eat as healthy as I should, and spend more time on unimportant activities than I'd like, which has me frustrated to no end. Why is it so darn hard to change?! Anyway, I keep on trying to keep out of trouble and get by, so I guess it's life as normal. 

As for 2015, who knows what it will bring. Will this be the year I finally land a permanent job? Or will I chuck it all and move to Iceland? Will this be the year that I finally break those bad habits? Will Johnny finally tell Mary that he's always loved her from afar? Stay tuned to find out!