Mythbusting

Lately, I think I've been feeling a bit of an inferiority complex, I think. I keep running into these highly accomplished and achieving women: women with multiple advanced degrees, successful careers, families, etc. In comparison, I look like a bum whose doing nothing in her life. Not that I want more degrees, or my own business or anything. I don't think I'd even notice except I'm job hunting, which is enough to give anyone an inferiority complex and puts you in 'competition mode'.*

Along with this, there's also been so a lot of talk about women's equality in the news, with a lot of talk about women having it all. I've thought a lot about that phrase, 'having it all', and hobnobbing with these incredible and accomplished women has got me thinking about it again. I've come to the conclusion that "having it all" is a myth. And so today, I'm going to do some myth-busting surrounding the implications of women having it all.

Myth #1: Men have it all.
Talking about women's equality and whether they can have it all automatically implies that men have it all. I beg to differ on that score. Men do not have it all. They make a choice to work to provide for their family, and the trade-off is they miss a lot while they are at work. I know there are a variety of reasons men do this, but I think it would be very wrong to assume that they don't miss being home with their families. Men don't really talk about it, but maybe they should talk about the sacrifices they make by having a career. We'd at least have a more complete picture of thing.

Myth #2: All women want to have it all.
All these articles about women's rights and women having it all make me feel like a backwards hick from Idaho** because I don't want to have it all. I don't worry about being seen as the equal of men. In some ways, I hope I'm never equal to a man. I'm NOT a man, I'm a woman, and if being their equal means becoming like them, I'll pass. I don't want a career and a family and a cause and to be the main housekeeper. Maybe I'm deficient in my womanly qualities, but I can't multitask. Except for reading and walking at the same time. Otherwise, I'll take one thing at a time, thank you very much.

Myth #3: "all" is 100% good stuff.
I work a full-time job right now, and I can tell you that I don't know what the fuss is all about. I love my work, but there is a lot of stress and tension and frustration that comes with a job. You have to deal with bosses, co-workers, bureaucracy, angry clientele, and all sorts of other issues. You have to get up and be at the same place everyday. Sometimes, you get stuck in a job that becomes a huge rut with no opportunity for growth. Not all jobs are secure jobs.

And being a family woman isn't always a picnic, either. Kids don't listen to you, you have to bathe, dress, and feed them. They get sick, they whine, they fight. Husbands don't always read your mind. Not that there aren't also fantastic rewards to family life, and work for that matter. But I think we aren't giving young women the full picture--having it all isn't glamorous. All means all--the good, the bad, and the ugly, and they should be prepared for that.

Myth #4: Women (or anyone for that matter) can have it all alone.
No matter what anyone tries to tell you, no one is a self-made human being. The woman who has it all comes across as an independent person who doesn't need anyone else to get there. This is a lie. People need people, and as much as the world is trying to deny it, women need men and men need women. I have never felt as complete as a woman as I did when I was dating a good young man. As a woman alone, I will never have it all. But with a husband by my side, all is a real possibility.

Myth #5: It is actually possible to have it all.
I'm not actually sure what is meant by 'all', but I have a feeling that 'all' doesn't actually exist. At least not all at once. From what I've seen, having a career requires sacrificing aspects of family life and family life requires sacrifices, too. There are trade-offs in the decisions we make. Now, to be clear: the trade-off isn't automatically good or bad, it just is. That is the reality. But any trade-off means you are subtracting from 'all'. It's something to consider.

Of course, this isn't taking time into account. We focus so much on "have it all" that we never talk about "when". I don't think there is any one 'when'--when can be different for each of us. But I don't think it would hurt to add it to the discussion.

Myth #6. Having it all determines my worth.
I mentioned earlier feeling inferior. But dear self-with-an-inferiority-complex: Your worth has nothing to do with having it all, with degrees or salaries or promotions or number of kids or marital status. Your worth comes from the fact that you am a daughter of God. Don't ever base your worth on 'having it all', because you will never have enough without the Lord. He loves you, and that is the best 'all' there is.


***Note: This post is based purely on common sense and the experience and understanding of the author and has absolutely no scientific basis whatsoever, although if you find scientific basis, feel free to let me know. Also, if I totally missed the boat on what everyone means by 'having it all', well, please, do educate me. But since this is my personal blog, I can still make the argument based on my own definition. So there.***

*This is one of the many issues I have with job hunting as it takes place in the US. But that is a diatribe for another day. 
**This is only half true. I am from Idaho, but I am not backwards. Or a hick. Maybe not a city slicker, but definitely not a hick.