Graduation Speeches

'Tis that wonderful time of year when young people of all ages are leaving behind one phase of scholastic achievement and moving onto another phase of, well, something. More school, the 'real world', the parents' basement and unemployment. Whatever. This, of course, means that famous people are flocking to graduation ceremonies spewing forth words of wisdom, encouragement, and cliched optimism. Don't get me wrong--optimism is great, and cliches, as cliched as they are, became that way because they contain lasting truth. But I do sometimes feel that graduation speeches are a bit unrealistic.

This is inevitable. Everyone wants a big name at their commencement, so they hire out to Hollywood and Washington (the D.C. one). And if I were making a list of places that don't mirror the real world, those would be one and two. (although, in some ways, they mirror reality all too well!). Hollywood and D.C. are magnets for egotism, undue wealth, and artificial measures of success. So it's no surprise that the speeches coming from these famed speakers don't mirror the reality that most of us live.

"You can do anything!" "Change the world!" "Stand out, be different from everyone else!" "Make your own path!" I'm not saying that this isn't good advice, but given in the context and from the context they come from, it becomes very hollow. I personally don't have any use for it.

If I  were giving graduation advice, it would probably be along these lines:

"Be kind. If you want to change the world, start with being kind. Be kind to the person next to you, in the cubicle across from you, to the people at the dinner table, and to the person who is different from you. Just be kind.

Endure. Life is going to throw hard things your way. Sometimes, you'll be on top. Sometimes you'll feel like you are at the bottom of a pit with the whole world stacked on top of you. Decide to keep going. Choose to hope. Choose to trust people, to still be kind when you are struggling, and to let others be kind to you. Do the best you can and hope and hang on.

Don't measure yourself by what you have or don't have. Don't measure yourself by what you see others as being. You are you, and success for you doesn't look the same as success for me. If you are content (truly content) with your life, you don't owe anyone any explanations and you shouldn't feel any regret, embarrassment, or inferiority. Maybe you'll be rich and famous. Maybe you won't. status doesn't define you, so don't worry if you don't meet some arbitrary, world-determined standard of achievement.

Finally, choose who you want to be. You can be whoever you want to be but if you don't decide who that is, and stick to it, you'll never make it. And the values and characteristics you choose to have are far more important than the material possessions you choose to acquire. Choose to be a person, a character, of substance. Choose to be someone who is kind, brave, strong, optimistic, trustworthy, someone with integrity. Choose to stand by what you believe in no matter what. And then do everything you can to be that person. And then you will be content, happy, and self-assured."

So, there it is. A rough draft of the advice I'd give to, well, not just graduates, but to anyone. Maybe it isn't really that different from the Bigwig crowd of Commencement speakers are saying, but as someone who is a pretty ordinary Jane, maybe it would reach those other Joes and Janes who don't aspire to fame and fortune and just want to be normal. Anyway, to all you grads, congrats, condolences, and good luck!