Cougerine

I had a very interesting moment of identity crisis today: my alma maters played each other in football.

You may be thinking the crisis formed around which team to cheer for. It didn't.

Nor was the crisis that the team I opted to support lost in a big bad ugly way. A) this wasn't all that surprising, B) I'm not really into all the hype about athletics, and C) while I am grateful for the experiences I had at both institutions, I just don't do the school loyalty thing to that extent.

The crisis (which wasn't that critical, really) boiled down to attire. I had this overwhelming urge to wear gear from each school every time I left the house. I didn't, I just wore gear for the one, but I really wanted to wear both.

But it wasn't just about fashion. And I could have worn both--the colors overlap. The identity crisis centered around why I wanted to wear both. I think there were multiple reasons. One, to show the world (and myself) that I am not the stereotype of who you find here. Also, to remind myself of who I am and the things I value. I think in some way it was also an assertion that I exist. In a city of over a million people, you just become a face. I don't have any connections here, no group of friends to hang out with or anything. And somehow, wearing a shirt with a school logo was a small way of asserting my presence. Finally, I think I wanted to wear them to rebel against being here and as a way of reminding myself of who I want to be, and where I want to be. All in all, a minor act of defiance.

So what started out as just being able to show affiliation ended up making me feel a little lost. Maybe it was fortunate that Grad stomped all over Undergrad. Just the thing to snap a person out of meta-thinking.