On Faith

As a general rule, I try to write posts that anyone can enjoy, and about life in general. As a result, I haven't ever written much about religion. But today being Easter Sunday, I am going to break that trend. And, to give some context, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You might have heard of us--we are sometimes called Mormons.

This past year has been what could very well be the worst year of my life to date. It is hard to say, really, because it has been awful in different ways than other hard times, so it's the whole apples and oranges thing. But also, trying to figure out is a quick way to have a pity party, and I just don't have the energy for that. Suffice to say, it has been hard. And, while I wish I could say the worst is over and it shows signs of improving, it doesn't. It's been hard, and it is going to be hard for the foreseeable future. 

(Which is really gloomy and doomy. I hope that I have managed to convey some joy in the past year, because there have been moments of joy, reminders to hang on. There have been blessings and a lot of the little day-to-day things are pretty good.)

Anyway, when life is hard, I want to have someone to turn to. And more and more, I have come to appreciate the Savior. I have friends and family who love me, and who try their best to help, but more and more I find that I just can't explain to them all the things that trouble me. Words fail. And, because we are only human, I find that they are so often trying to comfort and counsel me from their viewpoint. It is what we as people do. We aren't omniscient, and we do the best we can, but so often it falls short. 

But what I have come to know is that there is one Person who will never fail to understand every detail of what I am going through. More and more, I am coming to realize that the Savior knows my burdens not because He had a similar experience, but because He had my experience. He carried the weight of it. He knows why I have shed every tear that I have shed. He knows the weight and strength and depth of every fear, every heartache, every desire. He knows every inch of what I am going through. I don't have to find the right words to explain because He knows. And as I have come to know that, I have started to rely on Him and trust Him more and more. He is the best friend I have, and I want with all my heart to be counted by Him as a friend. I think I fail at that more often than not, but I would do anything to be His friend. 

One last thing. It doesn't really tie in with the rest, but I want to share it anyway. Christ knows everything I am going through because of the Atonement. I don't know that I have the greatest understanding of the Atonement, but I know that often when we speak of it, we connect it with pain and suffering on the part of the Savior. And we often think of the suffering the Savior went through for us, all the pain that He experienced on our behalf. And we know He did it because He loves us. There is one scripture in all the scripture which I hold dear that I love more than any other, and I love it because to me, it testifies of the Savior's love more than anything else:

"10 ¶Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities." -Isaiah 53:10-11

We so often think of the Atonement in terms of what it means for us and to us. I love these verses because they show me how the Savior feels about the Atonement. When I come to Him seeking His help, His forgiveness, and His grace, He looks on the suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross and is satisfied. Because saving me was worth it. And when I read this, I remember how much He loves me, and I want to make his suffering worth it. I want to be as righteous as I can be. 

I know the Savior loves us. He loves me, and more than anything else, I want to be counted as His friend. I want Him to look at me, to see the travail of His soul for me, and be satisfied. I love the Savior, and I am so humbly grateful for all that He did and all that He is, and one day, I hope to be able to tell Him so in person.