Burn Out

Is it just me, or is the world exhausted? Last week I took a 6 hour nap. Which usually means I will not sleep well at night, but I went to bed and slept all night long, no waking up at all. And I am ready to do it again.

I hear about all these women who have started 18 non-profits and saved the world and raised their kids and gotten a half a dozen degrees and speak at all these conferences and are great leaders and I think, "Where did you come from?" It's a little terrifying that that is what the world expects of women now. 'Cause I just can't do it.

I go to work and deal with questions all day long. With every question, there is a flicker of panic where my brain says, "What new topic do I have to become an expert in in the next hour?" I have to solve problems all day long, and I'm not even sure I have the authority to solve most of them. I need another twenty to thirty hours in the work week, but just can't give the time because I'm trying to hang on to my sanity.

Somehow, this is just draining, and by the time I get home, the thought of fixing food for just myself is completely uninteresting. I eat a lot of pb&j and cereal for dinner. (And why not? How many dinner-like meals does a person need in a day?) Then I try to stay informed by reading the news, but honestly, I just want a couple of paragraphs saying "Here's what happened, and here's why it matters". I've resorted to reading headlines--which are remarkably informative.

Then there's working out (ugh, so boring! I do love modernity, but I think we missed the boat on the whole exercise thing), cleaning, and running the household. This really doesn't take as much time as I think it does, and I don't have that much of it to do, so that's nice. Errands can be a pain - grocery shopping is a huge time suck when you don't have a car. But, it can be a good way to get exercise. And/or some photography practice. Most of the time, it's really not too bad.

And I should be doing more photography practice, and language learning, and learning to code, and piano practicing and writing and stuff. So much to do! So much that is rewarding to do! I just have to get past the fog of exhaustion in my brain.

Of course, the best way to do that is to actually push through it. It's amazing how you forget you are tired when you go and do stuff. And so, note to self: Don't listen to Tired Whiny. Go do something cool instead.

Those funny kids

I went to visit my brother's family for Easter. He has four kids, and they are a blast. They are also the biggest bunch of posers ever, which is great for my photography hobby. The youngest, about 18 months, was hilarious. When he saw me taking his picture, he'd squint his eyes and smile. I have no idea why or where he got it from, but it was pretty funny.

The older kids wanted me to jump on the trampoline with them. The three-year old gets nervous when the bigger kids jump to high, and at one point, her brother was getting too excited for her. She said, "Aunt Elise, um, the Boy is jumping too high." I found this odd, but she referred to her brother as "the Boy" a couple more times. When I asked her parents about it, they said, "Oh, yeah. That's what she calls him. He's the Boy and her younger brother is the Fella." She definitely knows their actual names and how to pronounce them, because I did hear her use them. She just prefers to call them "Boy" and "Fella". And it's not that she doesn't like them. She got very upset when we were getting ready to go somewhere and she couldn't find the Boy.

One of the afternoons that I was there, my older niece (8) was playing with her dolls, and Belle was marrying Spiderman (there is a shortage of male dolls in their house). I was kind of listening when I heard her pronounce them what sounded like "waffle-y wedded" husband and wife. I even asked her to say it again, and I'm 80% sure that she did indeed say waffle-y wedded (It's a very subtle difference, and even looking dead at her while she said it, I could have been mistaken). Which, quite frankly, sounds delicious. I am now seriously considering having a waffle-y wedded reception should I ever get married.

Life doesn't get much better than kids.

I need a jet

Today I went to a lunch and learn where a colleague presented on his trip to Egypt and Petra. And, my mind being what it is, it sort of wandered within the scope of the presentation. It wandered thus:

1. It's a good thing not everyone is like me, because I think I would have said, "No way am I spending my life carving away stone to make that building." And there would be a much less beautiful world. I'm not artistic myself, but I definitely appreciate people who can create from physical materials and am always in awe of their skill and patience. I would have said, "A plain facade is going to be good enough for this temple at Petra." So, we can all consider ourselves very lucky the world isn't full of people just like me. Because Petra would definitely not be what it is.

3. Speaking of Petra, I remember looking at photographs on some Google Virtual tour thing or something like that, and one of the most mind-boggling things was the image of the camels sitting on the ground. Their hind legs bend backwards! Who knew?! Camels--fascinating.

2. I was reminded of the person who said looking at photographs in National Geographic was all she needed to get her taste of the world. How can that be enough? I look at photos and want to hop a plane and go see these places for myself. Photos are great, but the real thing is an experience. A photo can't give you that.

4. I don't think I want to travel with a tour group. This is not the same as not wanting to have a guide, someone who knows the ropes and can keep me safe. But I don't really love tourist travel. I don't want to see the castles of Europe or the Pyramids of Egypt or the Great Wall of China. I mean, I do. But I don't want to just see them and then whirl off and only know about this tiny drop in the bucket, the things outside of the context of the people. I want to live in Europe. I want to see the people in Africa. Because humanity is so beautiful and there is something about watching people be themselves, seeing them live and work and laugh and play. The best moments of my trips last year were the moments with people, not the sights. I just want to sit in a park in some new place and watch humanity go by, and please let there be children! So, I want to tour humanity. And, sure, I'll hit up some museums and sights while I'm at it. Why not?

Anyway, I think I need a jet. And a pilot.

Brought to you by the internet

The Internet: Supplier of all things Peeps, such as the Peeps sculpture contests and Peeps Pizza (as if humanity hadn't given enough cause to wonder yet).

But never fear. The internet can be useful, too. Where else would you get all your latest scientific developments, such as finally, FINALLY, learning the answer to that question that has occuppied every waking moment of your life: Why do shoelaces come untied?

But at least the internet can help us find a good way to party, such as the Smigus Dyngus. I'm pretty sure I need this to be a thing in my life and I just want to say, bravo Poland. (And extra kudos for such an awesome name!)