Being myself

I was having a conversation with a friend, who mentioned that she sometimes goes to church and feels like she can't be herself like she can at home. Which got me thinking. When I go places, I think it is true--I'm not my whole self, for which everyone who knows me should be glad, because there are parts of myself I don't particularly like, and it would be a shame to impose them on the rest of the world. Anyway, it does seem kind of hypocritical, like we are putting on an act, right? That is, I think, what we don't like about not being ourselves.

But for me, when I go places, I find that I tend to be my best self. Not always--sometimes I am my very shy, introverted self. Or my quiet, awkward self. But, even so, I'm trying to be my best self. Not the frustrated, tired, sick-of-my-situation self. Not the rude, mean, sarcastic self. (Admittedly, sometimes that does start to show, but I try really hard to leave it at home). I try to be the caring, cheerful, positive self. I try to be the self that just likes to see people laugh, and smile. I go to church on Sundays knowing that one of my friends will be there, and I try my darndest to have an entertaining story for her. It does me good, because right now, life stinks in so many ways, and it's so easy to not be that person. So when I go out in public, I have the opportunity to shed all the negative, and to really be the person I want to be all the time. And then I get to take a piece of that with me so that when I am not in public anymore, I still have a bit of the best me.

For me at least, I am not my whole self in public, but I am my best self. Now I just wish I knew how to be my best self all the time.