Lesson Learned

So, I have been thinking for a while now (a while being equal to sometime between the last few months and the last decade. It's a ballpark figure of a word) about how, when we have a hard experience, we sometimes look for lessons that we learned from the experience. Having been through some rough patches recently, I've had a lot of opportunity to hear about what I might learn from the experience. And frankly, it annoys me.

So many of the things we learn seem so trite. At times, I have wanted to look at the person and say, "I went through this inferno to learn that piddly lesson? You must be joking. The tuition was incredibly disproportionate to the learning outcomes."

What I have decided in all my pondering and pain is that it isn't about learning. Learning is far less useful than we think. For example, I can learn how to be an archivist. But that doesn't make me one. These hard experiences are really about becoming. It isn't enough to just learn something from them, some trite little lesson that we can store away and will probably never need again. We have to become something. When I am in a hard time, I find very little comfort in what I could learn from it. For example, I am looking for a job, and it's a rough situation. What have I learned? Well, for starters, job hunting stinks. Also, that it's hard to be patient. And that I hate limbo. What future applications do these little lessons have for the next rough patch? Not much that will do anything to really change a situation.

But, I am becoming more patient. I am becoming better at trusting God. I am becoming someone who really tries to find something good in life, even though I don't always succeed. I am becoming stronger and better. What value does that have next time I'm in a rough spot? The next time I am having a hard time, I will deal with it better. I will be prepared with the basic skills I need to weather it--patience, faith, courage, strength. I have seen that happen. A few years ago, I had a bout with clinical depression. I have been looking back at that, and honestly, I don't know what I learned from it, other than depression is pretty hellish. (Sorry, it is just the most apt word to describe it. Not trying to be flippant). But, what did I become? So, so much. I look at what I became, and I wouldn't trade that for not having had the experience. Learning is good, but becoming is redemptive. I can do a lot of things if I can become better for it.

So the next time someone you know is having a hard time, don't tell them what they are learning. Help them see what they are becoming. It is hard to have the big picture perspective when life is hard. If you can help them see even just a piece of that big picture, then you will really have helped them.