It's a gift

I have probably read one too many advice columns from my newsfeed, because now the algorithm is constantly showing me advice columns and articles about people who complained to the internet.*

One of the very common things people complain about is not getting the desired recompense for a gift. And, maybe you like me are confused about the idea of being recompensed for a gift, because it seems to mean it isn't a gift anymore, but in case it helps, by definition a gift is:

"something voluntarily transferred by one person to another without compensation"**

Now, I love giving gifts. I love it when I find something that will make someone smile or laugh or have their face almost drop of from excitement (Ah, my nephew's reacting to one of their Christmas gifts. SOOO worth it). I hope to get that reaction, but if not, well, that's okay. When I give a gift, I expect nothing in return. Not a thank you note, not a gift in return, not even a reaction, however much I enjoy them. Because it is a gift, and when I give a gift, I do it by choice, not out of some sort of transactional expectation. If I get something, I am always grateful and delighted, but if I don't, that's okay too. I didn't give the gift so that someone would do something for me. 

So, it makes me a little sad how many people write to advice columnists or complain to the internet because they gave a gift and didn't get their compensation. Relatives who stop giving gifts to loved ones because loved ones never wrote a thank you note, or who paid for people to join them on vacation but didn't get a gift in return. Things like that. 

Now, I do understand wanting a relationship with loved ones, and hoping to hear from them (and it is nice to know they received and liked the gift). Everyone wants to be thought of. So maybe what some of these people are after is connection, more than repayment. I support that. So, maybe it's just bad phrasing of what's really hurting them. been there, too. And most of my relationships are really easygoing about things like that, so that makes it easier for me. But if you ever get a gift from me, here's the way it works:

1. If I'm giving you a gift, there are no strings attached. If I gave it to you, it's because I love you and I know you are grateful, even if you don't say it.

2. The moment I give a gift to you, it is yours. You can do whatever you want with it. Open it, toss it, regift it. It's yours. That's also part of how a gift works. I hope that you will like it and enjoy it, but sometimes I don't get it right, and there's always limited real estate in our lives, so I also understand that it may not hit the spot, or you may have outgrown it. It's yours. Do what you need to. 

To all those who graciously give me gifts, I would now like to say thank you. I am better at giving gifts than writing thank you notes, and I apologize for that. But I value every gift, and the kindness behind it. So thank you, for the gift and for your patience. 

*Side note: It makes me super sad that people are taking all of their complaints, every little thing, to the internet. I have reached the age where I proudly say, "in my day" and, well, in my day we didn't have that option. If someone did something that seemed rude (that was probably completely unintentional, if we are honest, or had a whole reason that we just don't know), you complained about it to a friend and moved on. Nowhere to stick it for the whole world to see and judge someone they've never met and to stoke the 'righteous' anger. I think it was probably, on the whole, healthier. At the very least, it was much kinder. 

**Thank you Merriam-Webster.