First off, I just have to complain about apartment buildings in general. It used to be you could take cookies to your neighbor without needing top security clearance or serious stalker skills to get in the building. But now everything is super locked down. Just to get to my front door you have to get through an outer gate to the complex (key required) and then through the door to the floor of my building. Seriously a pain when you are bringing home groceries.
This particular building was also locked down, so we snuck in when someone came out. This would have been the end of the story if the building hadn't been designed by a lunatic who was high on paint fumes (or something) when they designed it. A friend and I were assigned to try and find 2 apartments on the 4th floor, and then cover all the ones on the 3rd floor. So, we got off on the 4th floor and walked the hall, looking for B4--. This in and of itself was weird, because most of the apartments didn't have a B in front of them, and the ones that did vaguely resembled custodial closets or utility areas, the kinds of places only employees can access. But, we checked anyway. And whoever did the numbering either:
- didn't know how to count
- was playing "pin the number on the door"
- was high on something
- or numbered the doors on take your kid to work day, when their 3 year old kid was with them, and they let the kid number the doors.
Because on one side of the hall was 411, 412, B451, B454, 417, etc. No rhyme or reason to it at all. We walked the entire 4th floor, and no B4-- that matched what we were looking for. At the end of the hall (which had a number of twists and turns) there was a door, and thinking that the door might lead to more of the 4th floor, we went through it.
It did NOT lead to more 4th floor. It led to an elevator, and a staircase. And once through the door leading to these things, you couldn't go back through it without an access card. So we were stuck. Logical thing to do? Move on to the 3rd floor and figure out the 4th floor at the end. Which we did.
Except we couldn't get into the 3rd floor, because it was the same setup as the 4th. To get from the elevator to apartments, you had to have an access card (never mind that you had to have an access card to get in the building. Or be sneaky. But being sneaky, you didn't need an access card to get to the apartments. No sense at all). So my friend stepped into the courtyard to see if any other doors would get us to the apartments without requiring a card. I stayed behind so I could let her back in.**
And, no joy. We were stuck in the elevator lobby/stairwell.
Well, we took the stairs all the way down and finally came out on the opposite side of the building we'd come in on, looped back around to the entrance, and called someone in the building we were going to visit so they could buzz us in. And started all over. Fortunately, this time we had a resident accompanying us. And, yes, the 3rd floor was just as insane. 323 was next to 310 on one side and 301 on the other. 309 was across the hall from 301. The apartments at the end of the hall were the mid-teen numbers. And there were random B3--s sprinkled in, which may or may not have been actual apartments (some are and some aren't?). Making it all even more fun, there is no 2nd floor in the building. Just 1, 3, and 4. And there may be some numbers missing from the sequence; for example, maybe there is no 302. It's hard to say, because the whole place felt like a black hole. If you somehow managed to penetrate its defenses, it definitely wasn't going to let you out to reveal its secrets.
By the time we'd made our first drop off, the other team was done with their deliveries, so they helped us finish. I think they thought we were kind of dense for having gotten lost, but then they ran up to the 4th floor again, and when we met up in the lobby, they had come close to repeating our experience (except we'd had our experience and they learned from it). So, no, we weren't dense. The building designer was just a sociopath who thought it would be fun to create the most confusing numbering plan and lock system possible, so that normal people wandered around for days trying to find their way out. Definitely not us. It's the building.
So, the new rules of visiting apartment buildings?
- Always go out in pairs.
- Always leave one person behind the door until re-entry capability is verified.
- Take some string. Tie it to the entry and unwind it as you go.
- Pack some food. You may be in there a while.
*I've discovered most people are very kind and don't mind that I'm completely absurd in a lot of social situations. People are very understanding and I can't even remember the last time anyone looked at me like I had three heads and a chicken was sitting on one of them. They may have looked like that, but not while I could see it. Which is a good thing, because then I go and meet people and don't even worry that they think I'm weird. It gives a person a lot of confidence.
**We quickly learned. After the 4th floor, our rule was only one person through a door until you know if you can go back through it the other way. It shouldn't be this complicated.
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