Burn Out

Is it just me, or is the world exhausted? Last week I took a 6 hour nap. Which usually means I will not sleep well at night, but I went to bed and slept all night long, no waking up at all. And I am ready to do it again.

I hear about all these women who have started 18 non-profits and saved the world and raised their kids and gotten a half a dozen degrees and speak at all these conferences and are great leaders and I think, "Where did you come from?" It's a little terrifying that that is what the world expects of women now. 'Cause I just can't do it.

I go to work and deal with questions all day long. With every question, there is a flicker of panic where my brain says, "What new topic do I have to become an expert in in the next hour?" I have to solve problems all day long, and I'm not even sure I have the authority to solve most of them. I need another twenty to thirty hours in the work week, but just can't give the time because I'm trying to hang on to my sanity.

Somehow, this is just draining, and by the time I get home, the thought of fixing food for just myself is completely uninteresting. I eat a lot of pb&j and cereal for dinner. (And why not? How many dinner-like meals does a person need in a day?) Then I try to stay informed by reading the news, but honestly, I just want a couple of paragraphs saying "Here's what happened, and here's why it matters". I've resorted to reading headlines--which are remarkably informative.

Then there's working out (ugh, so boring! I do love modernity, but I think we missed the boat on the whole exercise thing), cleaning, and running the household. This really doesn't take as much time as I think it does, and I don't have that much of it to do, so that's nice. Errands can be a pain - grocery shopping is a huge time suck when you don't have a car. But, it can be a good way to get exercise. And/or some photography practice. Most of the time, it's really not too bad.

And I should be doing more photography practice, and language learning, and learning to code, and piano practicing and writing and stuff. So much to do! So much that is rewarding to do! I just have to get past the fog of exhaustion in my brain.

Of course, the best way to do that is to actually push through it. It's amazing how you forget you are tired when you go and do stuff. And so, note to self: Don't listen to Tired Whiny. Go do something cool instead.