What to do at an MLB game

As mentioned, I recently attended my first ever Major League game. Now, baseball is not the most engaging of sports. Most of the time is spent with the pitcher throwing the ball to the guy at home plate, who then doesn't hit it or hits a foul. Then the catcher throws it back. And repeat until finally, the batter is out or hits a ball and then gets out. Or, amazingly, makes it to base. There's really not very much running involved. (And I now have a better understanding of why the game shirts they were selling--shirts players wore during a game, going rate of about $150 or so--were so clean. But if I'm paying that much for a shirt that has been worn during a professional baseball game, it darn well better look like it played in the game).

So, what does an out-of-towner audience do to entertain themselves in the twenty minutes between actual moments of running? I'm glad you asked.

1) The obvious, obviously. You take pictures and post them to Instagram. I personally did not do this, because I don't really do social media. But, pictures were taken. Including a picture of one of us eating a hot dog (also not me). I think that's a requirement.

Yes. I did take some photos. I just didn't post them. Except this one, right here.

2) Trash talk. Again, I didn't do any trash-talking, but the hot dog eater did. (Hey, she had paid to go to a baseball game. She was going to trash talk). To the Pirates player that she called a bum, it wasn't personal.

3) Cheer. And have fun saying all the Polish last names as you do.

4) Review high school physics to see if you can calculate the velocity of a sky diver. And then resort to Google, because high school physics was almost 20 years ago.* (Yes, I really did this).

5) Marvel at how fast they are throwing that baseball. It's fast, usually 94-ish mph. Then compare that to, say, a car. Then imagine getting hit with something that small moving that fast. And really, really feeling for the player who actually does get hit by that ball.

6) Give the players friendly reminders that they aren't supposed to hit the ball to the fans in the stands. One fella in particular seemed to be really confused about this. Pretty much every time he was at bat, you knew you had a while because he hit at least 6 fouls each time. "Nice job, you hit the ball. Now turn just a bit, so you hit it on the field. Okay, you got it. Nope. Inside the white lines buddy. Inside the lines."

7) Hypothesize about what the players are talking about while the all stand around waiting for someone to hit the ball. Or when they huddle up. Top picks: where to eat after the game, fantasy football teams, player x forgot his anniversary--what should he do?

8) Enjoy the skyline. At least if you are in Atlanta.

9) Try to figure out why they are tearing down the stadium and become incensed over it. And wonder what do you do with the seats that have been torn out of a baseball stadium.**

10) Text friends. Surf the web. Stare out into left field and contemplate your existence. Well, not really, because your seats are so high up that you are pretty much staring at the entire field and you'd have to turn your head to only get left field, and that would be weird.

11) Try to get on camera. Or not. I vote for not, but you know. Whatever.

12) Debate what is meant by the 50/50 raffle. It's definitely not referring to my odds of winning. And if it is, they need to seriously brush up on probabilities. Or I could nail them for false advertising.***

13) Contemplate what you would do with your winnings from the 50/50 raffle.

14) Enjoy and pity the poor people dressed as giant tools who competed in a race in between innings. And feel really really bad when the drill had to be carried off the field.

So there you have it. All the things you can do during a baseball game to entertain yourself. Have fun!


*If you are spread eagle the average speed is 120 mph. If you go head first, you can get up to 200 mph. 
**Our Uber driver back to the hotel filled us in on the shadiness of the decision. And at some point, a local did inform us that the universities in the area would be using the stadium, so it's not actually being torn down or going to waste. So, I feel a little better. 
***So, it really meant that the winner gets half the prize money and I think the other half went to a charity or the foundation or something.