The Inbox

I have received a couple of funny things in my inbox lately. First, sent on May 21, 2015:

Dear Elise Reynolds:

Thank you for your application for the ASST LIBRARIAN (TEMP) position in the department of Library Operations - OUS, job
opening ID 66271. This position was posted 02/01/2012 through 02/22/2012. The department has completed
their activity on this position, and it has been filled/closed.

I'm glad they let me know. I've been stewing over whether I'd get that job, and finally, after 3 years I can let it go. Closure at last.

Also, this one came in the other day:

The office would like to announce that the door for the fitness center has been repaired. Residents who have a card for the fitness center/gate will have inhibited access to the new fitness and laundry card machine immediately.

Since the problem was that there was inhibited access (the door wasn't opening with the card), I am going to say either "inhibited" does not mean what they think it means, or they had one of those moments. (You know you've had them, too). Fortunately, access was not inhibited for those with cards, despite what the email said.

Anyway, kudos to my inbox for keeping life funny. 

Graduation Speeches

'Tis that wonderful time of year when young people of all ages are leaving behind one phase of scholastic achievement and moving onto another phase of, well, something. More school, the 'real world', the parents' basement and unemployment. Whatever. This, of course, means that famous people are flocking to graduation ceremonies spewing forth words of wisdom, encouragement, and cliched optimism. Don't get me wrong--optimism is great, and cliches, as cliched as they are, became that way because they contain lasting truth. But I do sometimes feel that graduation speeches are a bit unrealistic.

This is inevitable. Everyone wants a big name at their commencement, so they hire out to Hollywood and Washington (the D.C. one). And if I were making a list of places that don't mirror the real world, those would be one and two. (although, in some ways, they mirror reality all too well!). Hollywood and D.C. are magnets for egotism, undue wealth, and artificial measures of success. So it's no surprise that the speeches coming from these famed speakers don't mirror the reality that most of us live.

"You can do anything!" "Change the world!" "Stand out, be different from everyone else!" "Make your own path!" I'm not saying that this isn't good advice, but given in the context and from the context they come from, it becomes very hollow. I personally don't have any use for it.

If I  were giving graduation advice, it would probably be along these lines:

"Be kind. If you want to change the world, start with being kind. Be kind to the person next to you, in the cubicle across from you, to the people at the dinner table, and to the person who is different from you. Just be kind.

Endure. Life is going to throw hard things your way. Sometimes, you'll be on top. Sometimes you'll feel like you are at the bottom of a pit with the whole world stacked on top of you. Decide to keep going. Choose to hope. Choose to trust people, to still be kind when you are struggling, and to let others be kind to you. Do the best you can and hope and hang on.

Don't measure yourself by what you have or don't have. Don't measure yourself by what you see others as being. You are you, and success for you doesn't look the same as success for me. If you are content (truly content) with your life, you don't owe anyone any explanations and you shouldn't feel any regret, embarrassment, or inferiority. Maybe you'll be rich and famous. Maybe you won't. status doesn't define you, so don't worry if you don't meet some arbitrary, world-determined standard of achievement.

Finally, choose who you want to be. You can be whoever you want to be but if you don't decide who that is, and stick to it, you'll never make it. And the values and characteristics you choose to have are far more important than the material possessions you choose to acquire. Choose to be a person, a character, of substance. Choose to be someone who is kind, brave, strong, optimistic, trustworthy, someone with integrity. Choose to stand by what you believe in no matter what. And then do everything you can to be that person. And then you will be content, happy, and self-assured."

So, there it is. A rough draft of the advice I'd give to, well, not just graduates, but to anyone. Maybe it isn't really that different from the Bigwig crowd of Commencement speakers are saying, but as someone who is a pretty ordinary Jane, maybe it would reach those other Joes and Janes who don't aspire to fame and fortune and just want to be normal. Anyway, to all you grads, congrats, condolences, and good luck!

Choose your own adventure -- overrated

I remember as a kid reading choose your own adventure books. And I could never read only one of the options, I always had to go back and read choice B. 

So I'm not loving the fact that life doesn't let me do that. I pick choice A, and that's the choice I get. And with life, you don't get to see how each turns out. You get hints, imagined previews that may or may not creep into reality, but you don't usually know for sure. 

Nor do all of the options line up at once. You don't always get the luxury of knowing all your options, because A, B, and C don't present themselves all at once. You get A, with no guarantee of a B coming along, and you just have to decide if you are going to take A or not. 

Nope, I pity the poor hero(ine) of any choose your own adventure. And if anyone happens to have been reading mine, I wouldn't mind a few hints for my crossroad!

Unhatched chickens

Today, I realized a new similarity between job hunting and dating. I knew there were similarities before: the endless mind games, showing your best self at all times, endless mind games, getting to know the other party, and, oh yeah, did I mention mind games? But today I realized that getting a call for an interview is a lot like getting asked on a date: a very complicated emotional maelstrom.

There may be excitement: "I can't believe they are interested in me! This is amazing"

Or anxiety: "What if I say something stupid?"

Panic: "An interview! Way too scary!"

Ambivalence: "Am I really interested?"

Mind-reading attempts: "Does this mean they think I'm qualified? Or just that they didn't get many who were better qualified? Is this a pity interview? They can't really want me, can they?"

And then there is the premature hypothesizing about your future with said company: Trying to envision yourself in a new place, pricing apartments, seeing what Wikipedia has to say about the location, planning moving costs, listing all the websites that would require an address change, wondering about your co-workers, your business cards, the stationary, whether you'll fit in, if you're up to the job that isn't yours and may not ever be, you've just made the first cut, it's JUST AN INTERVIEW for crying out loud!!! Stop planning your potential life! (And don't pretend like you haven't done this.)* 

It's overwhelming and nerve-wracking, stressful and exhausting. (And never helped by impending unemployment). Let's all make it easier on ourselves and take a step back.  Breathe deeply. Refocus. And repeat after me: "This is just an interview, not a lifetime commitment..." 

But feel free to include local grocery stores in your pre-interview research. 

*Of course, this leads to yet another similarity between dating and job hunting: rejection. But I don't think we need to go there.

Backup Plans

I think one of the constants in life is it doesn't go as planned, so it's always good to have a backup plan. I've been building a list of them, which at one point included becoming prime minister of Italy. See, I heard that only a crazy person would want to have that job. I figured I already met the most basic qualification. Unfortunately, they found an Italian with the same qualification.

The good news is that moving to another country to take up a leadership position that only a lunatic would want is back on the table: "Anyone applying for the job of England head coach would be 'crazy'", according to this article. So, all I have to do is learn cricket. Easy-peasy.

With 'crazy leadership job' back on, here's what the list looks like:

Plan A: Be an archivist.
Plan B: Go to Iceland and do something.
Plan C: Become POTUS.
Plan D: Become an HR coach and train job posters on how to post jobs and work with applicants.
Plan E: Start an outsourcing business, outsourcing things like car- and house-buying, job salary negotiation, etc.
Plan F: Move to Spain (I heard a while back that they were practically giving away land).
Plan G: Coach the England cricket team.
Plan H: Start-up country. The internet says it can't be done, but just the phrase "start-up country" is a dare. Didn't you hear it? I heard it.
Plan I: Become grant-funded. Have you seen the things you can get grants for? I'm pretty sure I can compete in that market.
Plan J: Become a writer. Come on, everyone's doing it.
Plan Z: Start a bakery. (Yes, I know. Z does not come after J. But the bakery thing--definitely something I'd do with much reluctance. The stress, people, the stress! And the calories! And the horror of watching something I enjoy become work!)
Plan K: Become an English-to-English translator/interpreter. We NEED this job, people.
Plan L: Be a consultant. I'd be the consultant that, people come and talk to me and I ask questions and have a discussion so they can work through the process of solving their own problem. Which would be far more constructive that what a lot of consultants do.

Really, I just want to be an archivist. I'm good at it and I like doing it. So, hopefully, Plan A will work out. Because I'm pretty sure the world would be a better place if I was in an archive and not coaching cricket. (Maybe less entertaining, but probably safer).

Major achievements

Here's a riddle for you: What do job interviews and purchasing new glasses have in common? Intimidation.

The answer: Both are downright intimidating. And I did them both today, before lunch.

Interviews are always a bit nerve-wracking, as everyone knows. But not everyone would think that buying glasses is on the same level. If you think about it, though, they have a lot in common at the emotional level.

In an interview, all the attention is on you, and you have to present yourself in the best light. Same with optical shopping. It's not like a grocery store or department store, where you can wander around and no one pays attention to what you are buying, how much of it you are buying, or what you look like while doing it. But at an optical shop, there you are: the center of attention, all eyes on you, and not just on you, but evaluating you and how you look. Granted, it is friendly evaluation  and the optician is trying to help you look your best, but it's evaluation all the same.

Interviews have a skewed balance of power. You're interviewers have the upper hand in knowledge and they get to call the shots. Basically, as the interviewee, you are at the mercy of the committee conducting the interview. Your fate is in their hands.

Admittedly, with an optician, it's not nearly as life-altering, but I still feel at their mercy. I don't know the ins and outs of insurance, lens and frame options and pricing, and the other details of buying a pair of glasses. They are salespeople, and I just always feel like I'm at their mercy. Dealing with them requires a kind of confrontational assertiveness that I can usually only muster with people I'm familiar with. Not strangers I'll probably never see again.

So, kudos to me for having faced down both of these dragons in one morning. And, I'm happy to report, the optical experience was far less daunting than it could have been (that year working for optometrists really came in handy) and glasses were successfully purchased, in less than half an hour. (Yeah, not sure that is the best approach, but I think it's going to work out fine for me.)

Next dragon to slay: the dentist.

Long live the 'dinosaurs'!

Call me old-fashioned, call me a Luddite, a technophobe, or a dinosaur. Maybe it's a byproduct of my chosen profession. Or maybe it's just in my nature, as a shy and betimes reclusive creature who has never figured out why my washing needs to be hooked up to the internet. Or my refrigerator. Or self-driving cars. But it's hard to not think maybe I'm a little-to-a-lot-bit right when I see headlines like this:

http://www.bbc.com/news/technology-32513066

Is it any wonder I don't want everything to rely on technology? Maybe you've forgotten how much time and frustration is caused when things go wrong, but I haven't.

So let's cut the connectivity and viva los dinosauros!!!


*In many ways, archivists still haven't overcome their reputation of being bespectacled, bun-sporting, cardigan wearing, dusty old bores who live in the past. Take it from one who knows, though--we are far more tech savvy than you think! Not only were Google exec Vint Cerf's prophecies about a digital dark age old news to us, we're also already working on it. And have been. For years.