Once, one of my roommates was dating this guy, and everyone always asked me how things were going with them. I'm not sure why. They didn't exactly invite me on their dates, which is fortunate, because that would have been awkward, to say the least. Anyway, we came up with a terrific way to handle to situation. Anytime someone asked me, I would respond, "I can't say. It would be a breach of contract."
Lately, though, my problem has been the opposite. It seems like I am being bombarded with gossip and information I'd rather not know. So, I need a reverse contract. Maybe I should try, "If you tell me, I'll have to kill you." Although that is a bit overkill (ha, ha, the pun wasn't originally intended, but I couldn't resist). I think I'll stick with the breach of contract.
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