Unprecedented times

I don't know that we are particularly unique in our experiences of unprecedented times. From a practical perspective, if we are making progress, then all times are unprecedented. And, also from a practical perspective, people haven't evolved that much, and so we do have a tendency to just repeat history over and over, adding our own variations.

That being said, I don't love it. It's much more comfortable to read about unprecedented times than to live through them. And there is something eerie? disconcerting? surreal? about watching the news and feeling deja vu from when I read The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich.* Unlike that book, though, I don't know the end of the story. 

There are also so many layers on which to contemplate our current global situation.** Considering it in view of the Cold War experience, parallels to WWII, and other conflicts. Analyzing the media coverage and the role it plays. The oddity of considering what could happen in the world tomorrow, and yet also trying to figure out everything I need to do at work and after work--such mundane things*** that seem absurd in considering where things could go yet life goes on. Such a weird thing about life! And something often left out of the historical account (thank goodness for historical fiction).

I don't know how things will play out. I think I'm pretty realistic so I don't think we'll get the best-case scenario (seems a bit late for that anyway), but I'm a long-run optimist, so I'm willing to hope we won't get the worst-case scenario. But I can confirm that uncertainty really isn't my jam.**** 

*Which, had I read more on the Spanish Flu Epidemic, I'd probably have had a similar experience. 

**Yes, specifically Russia and Ukraine, but I think the sentiments apply more broadly. 

***Although, I work in archives, and this is kind of a moment for an archivist. But it won't have a direct impact on my specific work, just my profession. 

****Which is why in a hypothetical zombie apocalypse, I plan to just let them bite me and get it over with. I just can't stand the stress and anxiety of trying to avoid it. (Thank goodness I don't believe in zombie apocalypses). 

Driving

I don't do a ton of travel, but I do have some family close enough to drive to for a visit. I really enjoy this, because I just love the scenery as I drive. This weekend I visited a brother about three hours away, in a part of the state that I suspect that not many would rank at the top of their list of pretty places. But I think it is really picturesque. It's not the lush green of the northeast or midwest but it has its own beauty. As an added bonus, on the way there, it was clear and sunny, and on the way back it was overcast and snowy. It was like a two for one. 

I don't know what it says about me, but I find a lot of places fascinating that most people don't. I drove across Nebraska and didn't get bored. Same with Wyoming. And I totally get why New Mexico is the land of enchantment. And one of the things I love about driving places is being able to soak up the scenery. (Of course, then the dilemma is that I want to pull over every 5 minutes and take a picture...)

There are lots of places I haven't been, don't get me wrong. The places I haven't been far outweigh the places I have been. But I don't think I've ever been anywhere that wasn't interesting. And it just makes me glad to live on such a big, fascinating world. 

Recurring dreams

My adulthood recurring dreams aren't the stuff of nightmares, but they're definitely, well, mares, I guess?*

They really are about boring adult stressful things. For example, one of my recurring dreams is that I'm back at an old job, and I haven't shown up for work and I don't even know if I still have a job there, because I work there but I also don't, and like I say, I haven't shown up for ages. Yep. That's not stressful at all. Anyway, the nice thing is, in the dream, I always realize I have another full-time job and that's why I haven't shown up for the old one. Thank you, brain, for keeping it real.

The other recurring one I have a lot is that I'm back in school. Usually high school or undergrad, but one time grade school. Yeah. I know. Weird. Anyway, I'm back in school and I don't know where any of my classes are and I don't know my schedule and I haven't done any of the assignments and it's almost the end of the semester. Fun thing about this one is my dream self always hits a point where she says, "I have a Master's degree, who cares if I don't have my high school diploma?!"**

One weekend, I had a series of dreams about no one listening to me. And me being right and they should have listened to me. Sadly, dream brain didn't help me out on this one. (Not really sure what that would have looked like. Realizing in the dream that I was in a Truman Show scenario? That would be SO much worse!) 

So, basically, what I'm saying is my dreams are too much like life which just seems like a waste of good sleep. Also, I really appreciate my sometimes clever brain that says, "This girl has enough stress in her life, she doesn't need it in her dreams too. Pull the plug!" 

*Yes, that is a reference to Doctor Who Season 5 (not classic season 5, the new Doctor Who season 5) "Amy's Choice" episode. 
**I know. If I really didn't have a high school diploma, but had a graduate degree, it would indicate that there was maybe some fraud going on. But, guys. It's a dream. Things don't have to make sense, clearly. Because it makes no sense that I would be completely oblivious to the fact that I was enrolled in school.

Taking exhaustion to new levels

I have been tired for a long time. Most of the time, my mornings involve me waking up feeling like absolutely nothing has been accomplished by me spending any time in bed because I am just as tired as I was when I went to sleep. Not entirely accurate, because I love my bed and enjoy being in it, but in terms of restfulness, not sure how much I'm accomplishing. 

For the past couple of weeks, my brain has decided to pull this fun stunt where it just wakes me up in the middle of the night for no reason whatsoever. Side note, brains really aren't good at taking instructions. Because during this same time period, I've gone to bed absolutely exhausted--like, my whole body is screaming, "We just want to sleep!"--and I finally hit the sack and my brain is all, "Well, that was fun, but let's not go to sleep just yet, hey?" I mean, seriously?!

Anyway, after almost two weeks of random "say hello to the middle of the night" madness, I had hit a whole new level of exhaustion. Which seemed impossible, because especially for the duration of the pandemic, it seems I've been hitting whole new levels of exhaustion fairly regularly. At some point, you'd think I'd have plumbed the depths, yet here I am, still encountering new levels. Not to be punny, but I'm kind of tired of it.* 

I pitched the idea to a colleague of writing a book about the depths of exhaustion. I mean, I might as well accomplish something from my sleep-deprived shenanigans. But another coworker had an even better idea. See, we are very focused on cultural competency and DEI at work right now. I work for an institution representing a global church. There are even 3 full-time international employees on my team. So, my coworker, KS, suggested us adopting some of the cultural practices of our international employees. Such as siesta. Which is totally a thing--I spent a semester in the Dominican Republic and enjoyed many afternoon naps (which, as a student, you can imagine was amazing). I am totally on board with this. And, I'm supposed to set a goal for the year focused on cultural competency, so...siesta! Right?! Sounds perfect to me. 

Sleep well, everyone. 

*You're right. That was absolutely me being punny. On purpose. This one goes out to my brother-in-law, currently in training for a Masters in Punnery.