Worst Spy Ever, or James Bond stinks at his job

So, I'm not a huge James Bond fan and here's the reason why: James Bond is really bad at his job. 

Now, some caveats to begin with: I've only watched the more recent James Bond movies (think Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig), and I haven't even watched all of them. I've never watched one more than once. I'm not anti-James Bond, I'm more just "meh" about him. I'd sit through one and I wouldn't even hate it, but I'm not likely to be in a Bond sort of mood.

I don't know all the reasons that James Bond isn't my cup of tea. I like spy movies, I like action. But one thing that does bug me about Bond is how absolutely horrible he is at his job. He's seriously one of the most incompetent spies ever.

The point of a spy is to go unnoticed, yet Bond always seems to be blowing up cities behind him. And I have heard interviews with one or two actual spies, and the lady thing was, well, a thing for them. So I guess that's not that unrealistic, but it does seem to be problematic for the work of a spy, to be having flings left, right and center. Bond just doesn't do unobtrusive very well, and it seems to me like that would make it very difficult for him to be successful as a spy.

Granted, it does make for a more exciting movie, but I felt like the plots were secondary to explosions and hot women (maybe the plot was the undercover element of the movies?). I could be wrong on that, since it's been awhile and maybe I just missed something the first go around. But it also seems Bond as a character doesn't develop much? Maybe I need to watch the earlier ones? I don't know. 

And it's totally cool if you are a Bond fan. I don't mind that one bit, and like I say, I'd even sit and watch one with you. And not hate it, and likely even enjoy it at least a bit. Maybe I'll even love it! But, he is still just really bad at his job. 

Popular Beliefs and Superstitions

At work, some of our volunteers found this really fantastic book about beliefs and superstitions of our state. They are quite entertaining and have explained why I am still single.* They also make you fairly glad that none of the believers in said beliefs and superstitions are your medical practitioner. For weird reasons, back in the day skinning various animals and putting them on your belly was a common cure for all that ails you.**

Anyway, I was tempted to purchase a copy of said book, but it costs about $50 used and it isn't a small little volume, so all in all it seemed like a lot to burden myself with for years to come. Instead I did some searching to see if other states or regions had a version, and lo and behold I found Beliefs and Superstitions of the Pennsylvania Germans and Kentucky Superstitions for free on Google Play. (There is also a 2 volume book on beliefs and superstitions of North Carolina for Kindle and a 3 volume compendium of beliefs and superstitions in the US, but they are a bit pricey, so I'm sticking with the free entertainment for now).

Now, the Pennsylvania Germans were much less obsessed with skinning animals in their medical practice, thank goodness. And they have some interesting medical advice, such as:

• Prevent headaches by putting your right sock on first.
• Go cross-eyed to prevent sneezing
• And, to prevent sickness in the family, don't pay all of your doctors bills

For what it's worth.

In the child-rearing department, there are a number of perks to carrying your new baby upstairs before you carry it downstairs. If you do so, your youngster will

• go to heaven
• amount to something
• live long
• sing high notes
• and be quickwitted

Unfortunately, your kid will also be conceited and vain, but hey--high notes! Totally worth the trade off, right? And, as a tip, you should burn it's first diaper for luck.

As far as romance goes, if you marry in a snowstorm, you'll be rich. However, if it snows on your carriage while you are in it, you and your new spouse will separate. And, if your nose itches, you'll be kissed. Or you'll get a letter. Practically the same thing.

Apparently, my aunt, who had seven boys and no girls, missed the memo that there are never seven children of the same sex in succession in a family.

Some practical advice that I am totally on board with?

• Jump out of bed immediately on getting awake and you will have a fall during the day. (See? No sense in rushing to get out of bed in the morning. Let's all just take it slow and prevent falls). 
• Meeting geese is a sign of bad luck. (Undoubtedly. Don't even get me started on the Canadian geese that invaded my apartment complex when I lived in the Midwest). 
• If you eat a donut on your birthday, you'll live for another year. (Can mine be a cake shaped like a donut? Or a donut of ice cream? Nothing against donuts, but it's my birthday. The ice cream is a must).
• And a word of warning to you obsessive furniture movers. Moving your furniture around makes you poor. (See? It's not laziness or lack of creativity that keeps me from rearranging my house. It's fiscal responsibility). 

And finally, one last piece of advice that may be particularly useful to any chicken farmers (but it doesn't specify you have to own the chickens): Burn your eggshells to prevent bewitched chickens. Because, if there is one thing the world really doesn't need right now, it is bewitched chickens.


*I sat on a table and ate the last dessert on the tray, which happened to be a piece of pie and I ate it starting with the tip. 
**I think the point of half of old medicinal recipes was to provide a cure that was so bad, the ailment seemed preferable.

Where in the world???

For some reason,  I really can't say for sure what it was, I recently decided that I wanted to learn where countries are on the map. So I found an app* where I can learn all of the countries and where they are and have so far ticked off the Americas, Europe, and Africa.

It probably sounds silly, but I really love knowing where countries are on the map. It's super cool to read about elections in Mauritania and actually know where that is, or to read about Venezuelans heading to Curaçao and knowing why that makes sense. I know it's nerdy but it's really satisfying to know where things are in the world. Not that that makes me an expert but it is a pretty easy way to know at least a little more about the world.


*I really don't do apps, typically. My nieces and nephews always want to know if I have games, but I mostly don't play games. Crosswords, and now geography. 

How to tell you liked a book

I've been reading The Rise and Fall of the Third Reich lately* and the other day someone asked how I liked it. It seems like it would be pretty obvious whether you liked a book or not, right? But for me, sometimes it's not all that easy. In some cases, after the first reading, I'm just processing everything. Sometimes, I'm not sure if I didn't like the book or if I just wasn't in the right mood for it. Or, as in the case of the Third Reich, 'like' isn't really the correct word. I've been culling my book collection over the last year or so, which means evaluating how I feel about my books. And, more and more, I'm not even finishing some books that I'm not eager to keep reading. But does that mean I don't like them? Also, sometimes my sentiments are kind of muted, so I have to rely on other ways to identify my feelings. Basically, it's not always straightforward. 

So, how do I tell if I like a book? Here are some of my current clues:

• I refer to it and recommend it to people long after I've read it
• Every time I reread it, I enjoy it 
• When I finish, I reread the best parts
• I want to read the next in the series (if it is a series)
• I ignore the multiple streaming platforms and other forms of entertainment because I'd rather finish the book
• I stay up later than I should because I want to read some of the book before bed
• My background brain isn't as distracting
• I remember the book fondly when I see it--it has a presence in my mind

And sometimes, I really don't have to think about it. Anyway, it's interesting to think about, and if there are any additional tips on how to know if you like a book, I'd love to hear them. 

*lately=the last few months. It's a big book. With lots of detail. And sometimes maddening stupidity.

Clean house

I cleaned my apartment this weekend. Not that this is something I never do, but most weeks it's really just tidying. And it wasn't deep-cleaning. No scrubbing the walls or cleaning nooks and crannies with a toothbrush sort of clean. More the, "Lo and behold, there IS a kitchen table underneath the piles of stuff" cleaning. I mean, I could actually eat anywhere at the table, instead of one little corner of it.* So, getting rid of clutter and stuff. And it feels  awesome! Like, I keep looking around my place thinking, "Wow! This looks great! I love it!"

Admittedly, there is still a lot I could do to make it even better. Why do I have so much stuff? And how do my blinds get so dirty? And in a week, there will be enough hair on the carpet for a wig. Again. But, maybe this time, I will remember how nice it is to have a kitchen table, or a desk, or to shut the closet door** and I will keep things looking good.

Yeah. Maybe.

*which is a moot point because I rarely eat at the table. Probably not the best thing.
**it's not that I can't usually shut it. I mostly just don't. Or I have socks and stuff that didn't quite make it into the hamper, trailing out of the closet. Amazing how little things like that really add to the sense of mess. 

Long live the internet

Some days, the internet gives you adorable 1-year old royals waving at planes and cute babies having 'conversations' with their pops.

And some days the internet gives you crazy people sending death threats to someone for asking Jay-Z what he wanted to drink* and chicken-flavored ice cream.**

The internet giveth and the internet taketh away, I guess. Sigh.


*Although, as in all things internet, there may be more twists pending. In which case, please don't let me know. I'm not interested. 
**Do we just cry or do we light a match to it all?