Books I will never write

The Life of a Social Butterfly

Become a Better Decision Maker

What to Do with Your First Million

Ten Steps to a Healthier Lifestyle

Invent Your Own Recipes: A Guide to Creativity in the Kitchen

Master Plan: Getting what you want out of life

The Life and Times of a Zen Fashionista

Gaming the Rat Race: My Dirty Journey to the Top

The Price of Fame: A Celebrity's Tale

Public Speaking for Wallflowers

Sleep Less, Do More

The Anti-Chocolatier

11, 12, 13...

Today at work someone mentioned that the date is 11/12/13. Which means it's one of the last 'cool' dates to get married on for a long time (next year there will be 12/13/14, but after that, you're pretty much out of luck), so if you are looking for something like that in a wedding date, you have a few short hours to elope.

I figured that blogging on 11/12/13 would be commemoration enough. And today I saw the most incredible thing:

Okay, so it isn't a good picture, although it does give you an idea. I'm a little concerned about the proportions of everything, and their placement, because it doesn't seem like this would all fit on the globe without overlapping at the top. And I don't think Russia sits on top of Canada. It's as if the map were drawn looking down from the North Pole. (Okay, my cartographer brother, tell me about Mercator Projections).

But speaking of Russia: Yeah. There is no Russia. It is the "Union of Soviet Socialist Republics." (Again, sorry, bad picture, I did my best in a semi-dark hall shooting through glass). Now for all you young folks out there, this is back from the days of the Cold War, which seems silly now in many ways, but was rather frightening to contemplate. The USSR ended in the early '90's, breaking up into Russia, all those Eastern European countries, and a lot of '-stans'. So, this map is very outdated. But it reminds me so much of my childhood, because we had a map with the USSR on it, and I remember how much I enjoyed spreading out that map and examining all the countries on it, seeing how far they were, all the interesting names, their capitals. My sister and I once planned a route (probably entirely infeasible) around the world, hitting all of the countries we wanted to go to. I have a soft spot for maps with the USSR because they bring back some good memories. Although it is pretty ridiculous that this map is still hanging in a building. (And NOT a building that houses archives.)

Anyway, it was a nice little trip down memory lane, and maybe sometime I'll go back and get better pictures. And learn about Mercator Projection. And find all the other countries that have changed since this map was made.

Ah, life.

It's official

Winter has arrived. I know, I know, the calendar says it hasn't, but the calendar doesn't have to walk to the bus stop in the morning in snow and wind.

I knew it was going to happen eventually, I just wasn't ready for it so soon. I thought maybe a week or two at least. But no such luck.

I'm not totally anti-winter. I actually do like having a winter, rather than just less warm. But somehow, this year there is a bit of sad about it. Probably just my own melancholy, and there is a special something about winter (snow is pretty. It's just so darn cold!)

I think that the first snow should automatically result in a day off the next day, because snow begs to be enjoyed from the comfort of one's covers.

And I'm back to the bus stop, and how cold it is going to be, and how I really need to leave the house 15 minutes before I usually do, which means I should go to sleep. And at least briefly enjoy the snowfall from under the covers as I fall asleep.

Nothing kills the magic of winter like the reality of morning.

Feeling all handy

A while ago, I decided it was time to get a dresser. I was tired of having clothes all over the place, and figured at least with a dresser, I could shut the mess away from view if it didn't motivate me to fold them and keep them all nice and orderly. I also figured if I had a dresser, there would be another surface on which to place things (no, I'm not making this up. This is really one of the reasons I wanted a dresser), which would be immensely helpful given my current arrangement of little furniture because I have no idea how long I will be here, even though I've been saying that for a year and a half.

I considered buying a used dresser, but most of them were huge and too hard to move with limited transportation access and cost a lot more than I wanted to pay for a used dresser. Instead, I caved and went the Ikea route. I didn't need anything flashy, so I could go with low end whatever and make do. But, when I got to Ikea I found out almost all their dressers are pressboard, except one line, which is pine. And it seemed really absurd to spend money on pressboard when I could have spent the same amount on a huge dresser made of wood. Maybe. And it's nice to have furniture that doesn't sag. So I spent twice as much as I'd planned and bought a pine dresser that needed to be stained, varnished, and assembled. And part of the justification for this was it would be nice to have a project. (Again, yes, I really did think this). I knew there would be a nice sense of satisfaction in completing it,it would give a sense of ownership and pride, and the work would be good for me.

All of which was true, although I did learn a few things. First, when you live in an apartment with limited space and it is October/November and too cold to work outside, you should stop and reconsider the timing of your furniture project. It worked out just fine and warm weather may not have really helped in the end, but still. Apartments are not conducive to furniture assembly. 

I also learned that screwing in screws that refuse to go straight into the whole requires a LOT of muscle, most of the muscle being contributed by ones I don't use that often, it would seem. I'm sore. This led me to the third very important thing that I learned: it is time for me to get a drill. (Of course, having a drill might compel me to find reasons to use it, but that could be a good thing, right? Sure.)

Anyway, I finally finished my project yesterday, and it does look really nice (although I'm sure if you looked closely you'd see how amateurish the effort was). It was really satisfying, and I'm pleased with it, and it's great to say, "I did all this work." And, without any apologies, I'm going to show it off. 

Ta Da! (Notice the piles of stuff on top. Told you I wasn't kidding about that). So, now that that project is done, I guess I should come up with another one. Hmmm. Maybe I'll try writing that great American novel everyone talks about...

Who writes the rules?

A couple of weeks ago, I went to visit my sister and her family and I kind of chuckled because her 8-year old boy put on a pair of brown plaid shorts with a brown striped shirt. Now, the browns matched wonderfully. Really close to the same shade. But, yeah, generally people discourage mixing patterns, right?

Or not. The next day, I went to church and someone was wearing an outfit of stripes, paisley, and possibly different stripes or another pattern. And not even matching colors. Grey stripes, gold and navy blue paisley, some other color on top. And everyone was totally fine with it. (Mind you, this girl is an artist, and she has the personality to carry off an outfit like that, whereas I absolutely do not.) And I actually wouldn't have bat an eye at it myself, except for the plaid-stripe combo being on my mind. Most likely. Yet I know that mothers everywhere would do everything in their power to discourage such a combination in their children. And if a twenty-something wore the brown-stripe-plaid combo, they'd get a lot of flack, but certainly it's more logical than the other outfit. I mean, the colors match and everything. 

So who writes these rules, anyway? I have never understood fashion. I think I manage to dress in an acceptable manner. (Sometimes I do wonder. I find myself at work thinking, wait, is this really an outfit that works? Are the colors okay? Do they styles work together? Help! I'm a grown woman who doesn't know how to dress herself!) And I think I definitely know when something looks really awful. (*cough* quilted pillowcase skirt *cough*). But I really would like to know who is writing the rules of fashion, because I have a few suggestions for them. 

1. You should not wear lingerie to a red carpet event. Or in public. Ever. It embarrasses everyone. 

2. If you have to wear pants underneath it (aka leggings), it's not a dress. It's just a very long shirt. (Which is not to say it should never be worn, but the distinction is important).  

3. We should break the rules occasionally and where bright summer colors in winter. Winter is depressing enough without everyone wearing dark colors. 

4. The 80's were bad enough the first time. 

5. There is no excuse for a wardrobe malfunction. I have never heard of a wardrobe malfunction that couldn't have been avoided by wearing something that actually covers a person. Which is, after all, the purpose of clothing. (If I wanted to study anatomy, I'd take a class.)

6. There should be cute shoes for people with wide(r) feet. Seriously. We like to have awesome shoes, too. 

7. Pants really do function better when the waist is at the waist. I know, it's a bit radical, but you know, it really sends the wrong impression when you have to hold your pants up while you walk. (No exaggeration. I have seen this. Poor guy was trying to talk on the phone and having all sorts of problems trying to do that and keep from walking out of his pants. And the way you have to walk to not lose your pants? It can't be good for you). 

So there you go. A few rules I'd like submitted for vote at the next big rule-making meeting for the fashion world. My work here is finished.