On Faith

As a general rule, I try to write posts that anyone can enjoy, and about life in general. As a result, I haven't ever written much about religion. But today being Easter Sunday, I am going to break that trend. And, to give some context, I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. You might have heard of us--we are sometimes called Mormons.

This past year has been what could very well be the worst year of my life to date. It is hard to say, really, because it has been awful in different ways than other hard times, so it's the whole apples and oranges thing. But also, trying to figure out is a quick way to have a pity party, and I just don't have the energy for that. Suffice to say, it has been hard. And, while I wish I could say the worst is over and it shows signs of improving, it doesn't. It's been hard, and it is going to be hard for the foreseeable future. 

(Which is really gloomy and doomy. I hope that I have managed to convey some joy in the past year, because there have been moments of joy, reminders to hang on. There have been blessings and a lot of the little day-to-day things are pretty good.)

Anyway, when life is hard, I want to have someone to turn to. And more and more, I have come to appreciate the Savior. I have friends and family who love me, and who try their best to help, but more and more I find that I just can't explain to them all the things that trouble me. Words fail. And, because we are only human, I find that they are so often trying to comfort and counsel me from their viewpoint. It is what we as people do. We aren't omniscient, and we do the best we can, but so often it falls short. 

But what I have come to know is that there is one Person who will never fail to understand every detail of what I am going through. More and more, I am coming to realize that the Savior knows my burdens not because He had a similar experience, but because He had my experience. He carried the weight of it. He knows why I have shed every tear that I have shed. He knows the weight and strength and depth of every fear, every heartache, every desire. He knows every inch of what I am going through. I don't have to find the right words to explain because He knows. And as I have come to know that, I have started to rely on Him and trust Him more and more. He is the best friend I have, and I want with all my heart to be counted by Him as a friend. I think I fail at that more often than not, but I would do anything to be His friend. 

One last thing. It doesn't really tie in with the rest, but I want to share it anyway. Christ knows everything I am going through because of the Atonement. I don't know that I have the greatest understanding of the Atonement, but I know that often when we speak of it, we connect it with pain and suffering on the part of the Savior. And we often think of the suffering the Savior went through for us, all the pain that He experienced on our behalf. And we know He did it because He loves us. There is one scripture in all the scripture which I hold dear that I love more than any other, and I love it because to me, it testifies of the Savior's love more than anything else:

"10 ¶Yet it pleased the Lord to bruise him; he hath put him to grief: when thou shalt make his soul an offering for sin, he shall see his seed, he shall prolong his days, and the pleasure of the Lord shall prosper in his hand.

11 He shall see of the travail of his soul, and shall be satisfied: by his knowledge shall my righteous servant justify many; for he shall bear their iniquities." -Isaiah 53:10-11

We so often think of the Atonement in terms of what it means for us and to us. I love these verses because they show me how the Savior feels about the Atonement. When I come to Him seeking His help, His forgiveness, and His grace, He looks on the suffering in Gethsemane and on the cross and is satisfied. Because saving me was worth it. And when I read this, I remember how much He loves me, and I want to make his suffering worth it. I want to be as righteous as I can be. 

I know the Savior loves us. He loves me, and more than anything else, I want to be counted as His friend. I want Him to look at me, to see the travail of His soul for me, and be satisfied. I love the Savior, and I am so humbly grateful for all that He did and all that He is, and one day, I hope to be able to tell Him so in person. 

March Madness

Well, so far, March has been cold and bitter and insanely freezing. Finally, the last couple of days, it seems that spring has arrived. It was actually 48 degrees today!

And, with the coming of pleasant weather, the world seems to be reacting. Around lunchtime today, my co-worker mentioned that my old college building (and by old, I don't mean old. The building is approaching it's 3rd birthday, and I was only there a year ago. By old, I mean, I used to go there) had flooded. Apparently, a pipe broke in one of the residences, and the building got to replicate a waterfall, inside and out.

Well, half an hour later, there was a sudden downpour right there in the office! They'd been doing some maintenance on the machines at work (machines at an archive, you ask? HVAC, my friends. A critical component of every archive. Ideally). They'd drained the pans on one of the machines (I cannot explain any better than this, not having seen it and having no idea what it really means), letting loose 100 gallons of water, down into a drain that is not equipped to handle 100 gallons of water. Just like they did 2 years ago, the story goes.

The good news is, I got home and no floods. But I did spend some time reminiscing on the good old days in The Puddle. It seems like a lifetime ago, and I would sure love to be able to say that my biggest problem in life was a flooded apartment and a paper to write.

So, years from now, when my biggest problem is a flooded apartment and a paper to write, remind me to be grateful.

The "Ordinaries"

Awards for Ordinary People making the world better by doing Ordinary Things

This week, there are a couple of Ordinaries to give:

1) To the guys at Enterprise, who dealt with a crowded lobby at 5:40 on a Friday afternoon calmly and efficiently, like ordinary people would do. It's not that they did anything exceptional--no juggling, no offers of discounts or anything. They just took it all in a stride, and did what billions of people do every day. They dealt with the situation and didn't think about it until it was over.

and

2) To the HR lady who contacted me to let me know that they'd filled the position. I hadn't noticed a deadline, and I don't even know if there was one, but a few days after I sent in my info, she contacted me -  apologizing for the delay! - to let me know they had filled the position, but inviting me to keep watching. This is a pretty ordinary thing. But you'd be amazed at how often people don't have the courtesy to let you know tiny bits of information like that. And, know what? I actually would apply there again, if I saw a position open up. Because an ordinary person did an ordinary thing.

and

3) the lady at church that I don't even know if I really know her name (I know her, I just don't know if I've ever actually been introduced and heard her name), who asked how things were going and commiserated. Who didn't tell me all the things I should do or tell me how fortunate I am. Who just said, "Yeah, it really stinks. But, it's going to work out somehow." Yes, yes it is. Thank you.

Ordinary things, ordinary people, making the world better.

This is for the birds

I was walking along today, heading from Point A to Point B, and I passed a winter-barren bush with about 30-40 birds in it. They'd been flying from bush to bush and tree to tree as I neared, as birds do, and had progressed to this particular bush. As I got closer, sure enough they all took off in all directions for the next safe place. All except for one bird, which just hopped a little deeper into the bush. And as I observed this, I thought to myself, "I bet there is some kind of life lesson in that, some charming moral or analogy or something. But heck if I know what it is."

And that's my story.

Fortress of Records

I just got a new collection at work and it has lots and lots of boxes of records in it. So, I've been trying to work on the different pieces of it, and I ended up building a fortress of boxes. I'm just kind of walled in. It's a cubicle of boxes. 

That sounds pretty dull, but it's actually not bad. My desk is out in the open, and sometimes it's like a fishbowl. So having a fortress is a nice change in a way. Not that I'm recommending building a fortress of boxes at work, but it does have a certain imaginative appeal, yeah? Especially if you could decorate your fortress and take some Nerf dart blasters...

Okay, I admit, that wouldn't be very productive, and my job is generally interesting enough that I don't need extra entertainment. I went on a treasure hunt at work today. (It's not all fortress building). And I do that most days. So I really can't complain. 

Still, you could get a really great game of tag going in the stacks...just sayin'.

Upgrades

Well, it's almost here--the long awaited release of Elise 3.3! I know, I know, you can hardly contain yourself for all the excitement. And I know it has been kept under wraps, so there is an aura of mystery, which has probably got all your hopes up, so I hope you are not disappointed by the reality.

I'm sad to say that I think this year's release is going to bring about some complaints. Some of the hardware is a bit out of date and a little creaky. The software is hit and miss too. The memory is a bit slow, and things in general are running a touch slower than in last year's release. But, there are some new programs that we've developed since last year, and this year's release will still offer hours of good entertainment and fun.

What this year's release lacks in newness, it might just make up for in experience, which in this line, counts for something. So, get ready to celebrate the release next week with a bit of cake and ice cream!