Say What?

This week at work, I came across material relating to zebra mussels. And as I said it out loud, I thought, "This would make a great curse phrase!" You know the type of thing--you forget to buy milk when you are at the store. "Zebra mussels!" You stub your toe. "Zebra mussels!" Someone tells you something absurd. "Oh, zebra mussels." It just rolls off the tongue. And, it is so much catchier than *$!@**#.

It takes a lot of creativity and higher level thinking to come up with witty comebacks to situations that call for words of the four-letter variety. I had a student once, a 4th grader, who favored "Stupid ketchup." You can make that a very expressive phrase. Much more expressive than drat or darn, because you have more to work with, which gives you longer to get the right intonation in there.

A roommate and dear friend invented the phrase, "Peahonker." This alternative to names like idiot, dolt, moron, numbskull, silly billy, etc. also has a certain ring to it. It has the added benefit of adding an element of absurd to any conversation, and it is really hard to be angry or upset when you hear the word peahonker. One of my co-workers, a wonderful lady in the young grandma phase of life, loved the word, but kept forgetting it (admit it, it would be hard to remember if you didn't hear it several times a day in your apartment). She would come up to me and ask, "What was that word again?" "Peahonker?" "Yes!"

There are so many fun and ridiculous sounding words that it is a pity to get stuck in the rut of the usuals. And we could invent so many more! If you need help, I recommend spending time with a 3-4 year old. I once had a name calling contest with my (at the time) three year old nephew. His favorite put down went something along the lines of "You are a spicy hot flamingo eating an ice cream truck." How do you respond to that?

So, be creative. Peruse the dictionary, be creative, keep your ears open, and spend time with some kids. You will soon have a brilliantly witty repertoire of comebacks that will liven any discussion, you malarkical mass of miscible rutabega you.

Zebra Mussels!