Well, as the world continues to fall apart (or so it seems, at least on a global scale, which is far different than an individual level where I would like to acknowledge that I am incredibly blessed and really have nothing to complain about on an individual level, beyond the minor nuisances. I can't even complain about the price of eggs, because I have a good job and can afford it, but on behalf of others, I am disgruntled. For many reasons), I can either talk about that or go into a mindless and absolutely unimportant analysis of Awards season fashion, which gives me a chance to be snarky without being dismissive. So, here goes.
Ladies, WHAT in the name of sanity are we wearing on the red carpet these days???? And more importantly, WHY???
I think we are hitting the apex of absurdity in red carpet fashion. I mean, first off, how in the world is a body supposed to navigate a room, let alone sit down in some of these dresses? They look like they are wearing gigantic lampshades. Or have what is essentially a fancy cone that a dog would get from the vet. Or some other structural thing going on with clothing that honestly makes someone wearing a hat in a movie theater seem like nothing in comparison. I mean, let's be real. It's ridiculous. And I for one do not have the spacial awareness to get into some of these architecturally designed gowns, let alone take 2 steps in them without knocking down a building. Perhaps I just lack spatial awareness.
There was also the trend of "stained glass" looking dresses, or crystal-encrusted dresses this year. I mean, those ladies had to sit on those things for 4 HOURS!!! That can't be healthy for the gluteus maximus, you know what I mean? I really hope there was some padding somewhere between the tushie and the dress, because otherwise, agony. And possibly numbness, tingling, loss of control of muscles, etc. Which sounds like the side effects of a medication, frankly.
I also noticed, at least with the Oscars red carpet, that a number of these women's chests are being squeezed right out of the gown. Which can't be comfortable, invites a wardrobe malfunction, and just feels like a gigantic whoospie all around.
There is always that part of me that is just super practical and thinks, "The cost of that dress could buy so many houses. Or feed so many people. Or provide Ukraine with a lot of missiles." (Okay, maybe not that last one, because missiles seem to be really pricey. And they don't even have pearls, diamonds, or crystals on them!) I know, awards ceremonies are big deals and it doesn't have to be all about practicality, but surely you can make a beautiful dress at a more reasonable price? I would think?
On another practical note, do these women freeze all night long? I suppose with enough people in there, there's body heat keeping the room warm enough, but I would definitely be freezing at some point in the 4 hour show. Do they have someone holding a jacket for them, out of sight of the cameras? I sure hope so. And what about bathroom breaks? Are those just off the table for the night for some dresses? You can definitely get a feel for what my clothing requirements are! (gotta be able to move in it, and besides, I like nice flowy looks; gotta be able to go to the bathroom while wearing it; gotta be able to be warm enough in it; and please don't make me worry about how much money I'm wearing, in case I spill something or what have you).
On a non-fashion related note, who are these people? I was looking at all the stars and had no idea who most of them are! Does that mean I've officially hit the "When I was young..." or "Get off my lawn!" stage of life? What is the order on those? "When I was young" comes first, right? Add it to the list of "I'm not young anymore": You don't know most of the people on the red carpet. Good times.
Well, there you have it. Snark about nothing of any great importance, because talking about things of importance kind of hurts these days. It's good to have something to poke fun at.
